Lost
To say that my life has changed recently would be to simplify it far more than allowable.
Different hardly even scratches the surface here.
Nothing is the same. Every relationship with every person has shifted. People whom I have thought of the same way since I met them have suddenly started doing things to cause a reevaluation of my opinions of them. Some for bad. Some for good. Some in a direction that is so new and untread upon that I haven't been able to decipher if the direction it will lead is acceptable or not.
My room mate, Joe, is moving out of the house. He and Winona, another room mate, have broken up and he is leaving.
Everything is thrown off kilter.
I've lost a lot of weight. Where as this time last year I wore an 18, I'm a 14 now. I've started to realize that I am attractive. This, of course, was aided by an interest that I never expected to take hold. But it has boldened me.
Even though the whole thing was a bust.
I don't know what I'm babbling about, don't listen to me.
Work isn't going perfectly. I guess I shouldn't expect it to.
I'm so stressed I don't know what to do anymore.
I need some sort of release. A way to get all this pent up frustration out. To release my energy. Level out my zen.
Whatever.
I've stopped practicing anything and everything related to my religion.
I am Jake's heart wrenching impotence.
I wish that life came with a handbook. With a massively huge index. And all you have to do is look up the situation (all situations would be present in the index, it's a big book) and the book would tell you how to handle the situation to maximize the end result you want.
I need to find that book.
Different hardly even scratches the surface here.
Nothing is the same. Every relationship with every person has shifted. People whom I have thought of the same way since I met them have suddenly started doing things to cause a reevaluation of my opinions of them. Some for bad. Some for good. Some in a direction that is so new and untread upon that I haven't been able to decipher if the direction it will lead is acceptable or not.
My room mate, Joe, is moving out of the house. He and Winona, another room mate, have broken up and he is leaving.
Everything is thrown off kilter.
I've lost a lot of weight. Where as this time last year I wore an 18, I'm a 14 now. I've started to realize that I am attractive. This, of course, was aided by an interest that I never expected to take hold. But it has boldened me.
Even though the whole thing was a bust.
I don't know what I'm babbling about, don't listen to me.
Work isn't going perfectly. I guess I shouldn't expect it to.
I'm so stressed I don't know what to do anymore.
I need some sort of release. A way to get all this pent up frustration out. To release my energy. Level out my zen.
Whatever.
I've stopped practicing anything and everything related to my religion.
I am Jake's heart wrenching impotence.
I wish that life came with a handbook. With a massively huge index. And all you have to do is look up the situation (all situations would be present in the index, it's a big book) and the book would tell you how to handle the situation to maximize the end result you want.
I need to find that book.