(no subject)
Last night I went to bed and had a crazy realization-slash-vision of my future.
I had a one night stand with a gentleman who I am very good friends with. He was leaving for the international navy conquest shortly after our rendevous, and our sexual explosion was related to him leaving- our last time together. Anyway, aparently, I got pregnant from this encounter, but lost my memory of being pregnant, birth, and rasing my daughter for the first 3 years when I suffered amnesia due to my denial of what was happening. I finally had a realization that I needed to become aware of my life while I was on a crazy house boat. The floors were covered with huge persian rugs and the spindley staircases wound around brass banisters and dark wood walls with black carpet. My entire family was there, and so was his, but the family members were really not our parents. I saw Bella (the name of my daughter), and desired to know her, but couldn't because I was not ready to have a daughter and I had missed out so much on her life. She was little, about four years old- independent, beautiful, and very smart. Bella ran around with a tabby kitten, who I also learned that I needed to take responsibility for. The reason that we were on the houseboat was because the gentleman (the father) was going to be docking in port, on leave from his naval doings, and it was to be the first time that any of us were to see him since he left. We boarded the naval vessel and watched the sailors walk by, looking for Bella's father, and then we saw him, wearing a colorful shirt with a mohawk, as I predicted, he would not conform to naval wear. However, he seemed distant and changed. We finally were able to see each other in the snack room, and we immediately began kissing and hugging and loving each other, but my mind was preoccupied with Bella's safety- her location, and her well-being. The gentleman was not ready to devote his life to Bella, and neither was I, but I realized at that moment that I needed to be with Bella, and I left. It turned to a matter of wants versus needs. I was able to find Bella, but not the kitten and I realized that I needed to love Bella because the rest of my life was to be devoted to her.
I had a one night stand with a gentleman who I am very good friends with. He was leaving for the international navy conquest shortly after our rendevous, and our sexual explosion was related to him leaving- our last time together. Anyway, aparently, I got pregnant from this encounter, but lost my memory of being pregnant, birth, and rasing my daughter for the first 3 years when I suffered amnesia due to my denial of what was happening. I finally had a realization that I needed to become aware of my life while I was on a crazy house boat. The floors were covered with huge persian rugs and the spindley staircases wound around brass banisters and dark wood walls with black carpet. My entire family was there, and so was his, but the family members were really not our parents. I saw Bella (the name of my daughter), and desired to know her, but couldn't because I was not ready to have a daughter and I had missed out so much on her life. She was little, about four years old- independent, beautiful, and very smart. Bella ran around with a tabby kitten, who I also learned that I needed to take responsibility for. The reason that we were on the houseboat was because the gentleman (the father) was going to be docking in port, on leave from his naval doings, and it was to be the first time that any of us were to see him since he left. We boarded the naval vessel and watched the sailors walk by, looking for Bella's father, and then we saw him, wearing a colorful shirt with a mohawk, as I predicted, he would not conform to naval wear. However, he seemed distant and changed. We finally were able to see each other in the snack room, and we immediately began kissing and hugging and loving each other, but my mind was preoccupied with Bella's safety- her location, and her well-being. The gentleman was not ready to devote his life to Bella, and neither was I, but I realized at that moment that I needed to be with Bella, and I left. It turned to a matter of wants versus needs. I was able to find Bella, but not the kitten and I realized that I needed to love Bella because the rest of my life was to be devoted to her.