Still breathing
I have been insanly busy with my new job, that I make money with. To pay for my new car.
I just had to let a little of my feelings out, because I can't talk to my parents at the moment.
Just found out that Sam 'despises' me. I guess Rachel was crying, and she must have mentioned me (I would stop mom from yelling at her?) and Sam had said something like 'don't go crying to Lauren, she's left us, she has abandoned us'. God, this makes me feel like a horrible person.
Plus there is a family party that is today and I wasn't invited. Fuck what anyone says, I don't feel I was invited, because no one told me. I can take a hint when I am not wanted, and I feel I am reading this one loud and clear.
Sometimes I really just want to get in my car and leave. Never look back. It scares me when I imagine, I could drive this road and not turn right. I'll continue with straight, and no one will know for hours... I could leave this life.
There's other positive things that are going on in my life, but I can't quite focus on them now. I am going to stay in my room and finish crying, so I can be presentable later, when the girls come back home.
I just wish there was no fakeness. That they could be honest with me. I wish I knew where I stood, even if, in the end, I am truly the black sheep. It's like, I don't even have the right to know my place amoung them. One of these days, I will truly not care. But until then, I guess I will just pretend that I don't.
I just had to let a little of my feelings out, because I can't talk to my parents at the moment.
Just found out that Sam 'despises' me. I guess Rachel was crying, and she must have mentioned me (I would stop mom from yelling at her?) and Sam had said something like 'don't go crying to Lauren, she's left us, she has abandoned us'. God, this makes me feel like a horrible person.
Plus there is a family party that is today and I wasn't invited. Fuck what anyone says, I don't feel I was invited, because no one told me. I can take a hint when I am not wanted, and I feel I am reading this one loud and clear.
Sometimes I really just want to get in my car and leave. Never look back. It scares me when I imagine, I could drive this road and not turn right. I'll continue with straight, and no one will know for hours... I could leave this life.
There's other positive things that are going on in my life, but I can't quite focus on them now. I am going to stay in my room and finish crying, so I can be presentable later, when the girls come back home.
I just wish there was no fakeness. That they could be honest with me. I wish I knew where I stood, even if, in the end, I am truly the black sheep. It's like, I don't even have the right to know my place amoung them. One of these days, I will truly not care. But until then, I guess I will just pretend that I don't.