Uhhhhmmm. Hello.
right. so i don't write in my journal very much. livejournal is such an interesting phenomenon, don't you think? essentially we write for ourselves, to get in touch with whatever we're thinking or organize some thoughts or record memories. things like that. and yet because it's a social network, we apologize when we don't write. forgive me for sounding nihilist when i say that none of this matters whatsoever. ha, sometimes i catch myself sounding like a psychotic, pompous ass. free write. free write.
i am back at home, in one of those prescribed twists of fate (horrible placing of that term) that sends kids off to college to help them detach themselves from their adolesence, only to bring them right back into the mess and call it "christmas break." sorry to be so dramatic. i just feel incredibly strange sitting in this corner of a room i feel no attachment to anymore. it's like i never left...but it's completely dead. and irrelevant. i know that makes no sense.
i am not okay with being discarded and lied to, especially when the lies are mostly true. how do you separate reality from a personal soap opera? how do you erase a person who knows you like no one else does when you realize that they can't give you anything you need?
much less a phone call?
you reduce me to an idiot sitting by the phone. even when you know i hate nothing more than cliches.
this is beyond fucked up.
((have you ever--have you ever--been all messed up?))
i am back at home, in one of those prescribed twists of fate (horrible placing of that term) that sends kids off to college to help them detach themselves from their adolesence, only to bring them right back into the mess and call it "christmas break." sorry to be so dramatic. i just feel incredibly strange sitting in this corner of a room i feel no attachment to anymore. it's like i never left...but it's completely dead. and irrelevant. i know that makes no sense.
i am not okay with being discarded and lied to, especially when the lies are mostly true. how do you separate reality from a personal soap opera? how do you erase a person who knows you like no one else does when you realize that they can't give you anything you need?
much less a phone call?
you reduce me to an idiot sitting by the phone. even when you know i hate nothing more than cliches.
this is beyond fucked up.
((have you ever--have you ever--been all messed up?))