Stay with me a while... I don't want to lay here alone...
I've never been so scared in my entire life as I was friday night. I totalled my car while I was with Shane' and Carra. It was absolutely horrifying. I can't remember what happened exactly. All I know is that I got hit in the side by a van that was going really fast. Carra was sitting shotgun and Shane' was in the back seat. We were just leaving Tyrus's house and Rikki had stayed there and we were just down the street a block. She said they were still outside and they heard the accident happen so they all took off running down the street. I don't even remember seeing her there or anyone else. Rikki said that I just sat there in the car for a minute. But what's really fucked up is that I remember picking my head up off the stearing wheel, looking over at Carra and saying "This happened in my dream" and it was like I knew exactly how it felt to be there or like I'd been there before.. makes me sick and makes my skin crawl thinking about it. Then Rikki said I got out of the car and I just stood there with this look on my face that she'd never seen before and I was trying to talk but I just kept stuttering and nothing would come out. Then I touched my hand to my forehead and felt all the blood down my face and neck then she said I just started screaming and bawling.. I have never seen so much blood in my entire life. My entire face, neck, hands and arms were covered in blood. I couldn't even see out of my right eye because there was so much blood running into it. But then I just turned around and started screaming Carra's name because Shane' was already out of the car...Tyrus carried her over to the sidewalk... but Carra was still laying there in the car. And I got back in the car and I was trying to wake her up because she was knocked out. I don't remember anything until I got into the ambulence and looked around then I got the same feeling I had in the car like it happened before... I can't even explain it. I just couldn't believe what was happening. I can remember the smell.. it was like burnt rubber and blood... it's sickening. I just remember screaming for Shane' and Carra and just being like "my babies.. are they okay??" Then they wouldn't let Rikki in my ambulence because she wasn't family. After the firemen had to pull the door off with their truck and they got Carra out...they took me to Hackley and took Carra and Shane' to Mercy. I was so pissed. I was so scared... I didn't want to be alone. All I could do was cry then it was like all of a sudden all this pain just hit in my head and neck. It was like tormenting, throbbing pain... the worst pain I had ever felt. Then I don't remember anything until I was in the hospital and some lady was wiping the blood off of my eye lashes. Then I opened my eyes after she left the room and there I was just laying there on this stretcher, strapped down with a neck brace on just soaked in blood. I couldn't move, but I could feel the glass I was laying on cutting into my back and the back of my head. My hair was full of glass. Those stupid people in the hosptial seriously left me in that room.. BY MYSELF.. for literally an hour just waiting to get xrays. I was scared out of my mind and to be alone was the last thing I wanted to do. I was a basketcase I just cried the entire time and worried if Shane' and Carra were okay. Finally my sister Sarah got to the hospital... they couldn't ahold of my mom or dad. I just still couldn't believe what was happenening. I never want to drive again... ever. Shane' ended up with a concussion and so did Carra and a broken rib and a bunch of cuts from the broken glass. I ended up with stiches across my forehead and they had to just glue the side of my head, like behind my ear. And I had a concussion, whip lash, some bruised ribs and some little cuts and bruises. My forehead is numb and swollen on the right side and so is my eye and behind my ear... I just can't figure out what hit me on the side of the head... I can't even fuckin move my neck and I can barely open my mouth. But I really don't even care I just thank god that Shane' and Carra are okay... that's all I could think about... I felt so bad... I would have never been able to forgive myself if something worse had happened to my friends...it would have been my fault because I was driving. You never really think about that when you're driving with other people in your car. Everyone else's precious lives are in your hands. I'm glad that when we were getting in the car...leaving Tyrus's house...Carra goes "Shane' get your ass in the back seat" Because if Shane' had been in the front seat.. she would of been hit. She's so tiny and fragile. I don't even want to think of what would have happened to her. I'm still a basket case.. I just keep crying and I just can't help it. I woke up in the middle of the night crying and screaming. I don't want to go look at my car because I'm just going to bawl.. but I have to get my stuff out. It's a good thing we had our seatbelts on. This doctor in the hospital said he talked to the paramedic and the paramedic said "I would have been thru the wind shield and on the road in front of the car... she probably would have been dead." And Carra probably would have been too. Ha, seat belts really do save lives! Everyone in the other van was okay I think one lady had a fractured wrist. The cop was really nice to me. He said "Well I know you didn't mean to get hit by that van and that's why accidents are accidents, but technically it was your fault. I'm not going to write you any tickets though because I can see that you and your friends have suffered enough." I was like thank God. But I need more sleep and more drugs...