well, that went well.
My phone rang this morning, waking me from an incredibly deep sleep. So deep that all I could do was stare at the number on the screen uncomprehendingly and then answer -- half just to make the scary ringing and buzzing noises stop.
Me: (croaking) Hello?
Man: (a bunch of words that go by too quickly for me to fully process them)... on Monster.com and I'm calling about a position with ... (more words go by quickly)
Some small, slightly more alert part of my brain: I think I might not be in the best frame of mind for this conversation.
Me: (still croaking) Uhhh...
SSSMAPOMB: Not sounding too impressive, I think. Ask me if you've woken me. Ask me if you've woken me. Ask me if you've woken me.
Man: This is Ms. Lauren Schmidt, correct?
Me: (not at all done with the croaking, and also sounding kind of like a monotone zombie -- one with an undead frog in its throat) Yes.
SSSMAPOMB: Ohfuckohfuckohfuck why didn't I lie?
Man: (sounding particularly peppy and energetic) Well, great. I'd like to tell you about some of our exciting opportunities doing ... (I take this opportunity to doze briefly)
Man: (clears throat)
Me: (decidedly croaky, and also now clearly resentful of his peppiness) Uhhhh?
SSSMAPOMB: *facepalm* PLEASE ask if you've woken me, and in exchange I'll tell you I'm very sick right now, and we can reschedule this conversation for a time when I'll apologize and be friendly and peppy back at you, and we can pretend all this never happened?
Man: So... I think you would be a great fit for this job with your background, especially the parts that entail ... (zzzzzz) ... and the great part is that we have offices in Burlington and Lexington, right near you. So --
SSSMAPOMB: OH MY GOD I'M SAVED! I absolutely do not want a job here! Okay, I just need to politely and in a friendly tone explain to him the situation, thank him, and get off the phone, and I can go back to sleep.
Me: (impatiently croakily) No no no no no. No.
Man: ...
Me: (dripping with scorn and croakiness) I'm moving to California soon. I'm only interested in jobs in the (what's the name of that place?) San Francisco Bay Area.
Man: Oh! Well, terrific, we have an office there as well. I will keep your name in mind for any relevant openings!
Me: K. Bye. (hangs up)
SSSMAPOMB: *goes into a corner and cries*
So, yeah, I have no idea who that guy was, or who he worked for (though I think maaaaybe he said something about "government" and "quantitative"?). I don't think I probably made the most awesome impression. But really, he called me insanely fucking early on a state holiday. Well, okay, it was 11 AM. And I didn't technically know it was a holiday until I got up later and looked at my calendar. But really, of all the nerve.
This may have been a slight dramatization, but probably uncomfortably close to the truth nonetheless. I think it's funny, but I also feel like crap about it. At least I now know that people will actually call out of the blue based on resumes up at Monster.com, and I can be more prepared in the future. And I know I need to put a California address on my resumes there, because everyone who has contacted me so far (mostly over email) has been looking for Massachusetts employees.
Me: (croaking) Hello?
Man: (a bunch of words that go by too quickly for me to fully process them)... on Monster.com and I'm calling about a position with ... (more words go by quickly)
Some small, slightly more alert part of my brain: I think I might not be in the best frame of mind for this conversation.
Me: (still croaking) Uhhh...
SSSMAPOMB: Not sounding too impressive, I think. Ask me if you've woken me. Ask me if you've woken me. Ask me if you've woken me.
Man: This is Ms. Lauren Schmidt, correct?
Me: (not at all done with the croaking, and also sounding kind of like a monotone zombie -- one with an undead frog in its throat) Yes.
SSSMAPOMB: Ohfuckohfuckohfuck why didn't I lie?
Man: (sounding particularly peppy and energetic) Well, great. I'd like to tell you about some of our exciting opportunities doing ... (I take this opportunity to doze briefly)
Man: (clears throat)
Me: (decidedly croaky, and also now clearly resentful of his peppiness) Uhhhh?
SSSMAPOMB: *facepalm* PLEASE ask if you've woken me, and in exchange I'll tell you I'm very sick right now, and we can reschedule this conversation for a time when I'll apologize and be friendly and peppy back at you, and we can pretend all this never happened?
Man: So... I think you would be a great fit for this job with your background, especially the parts that entail ... (zzzzzz) ... and the great part is that we have offices in Burlington and Lexington, right near you. So --
SSSMAPOMB: OH MY GOD I'M SAVED! I absolutely do not want a job here! Okay, I just need to politely and in a friendly tone explain to him the situation, thank him, and get off the phone, and I can go back to sleep.
Me: (impatiently croakily) No no no no no. No.
Man: ...
Me: (dripping with scorn and croakiness) I'm moving to California soon. I'm only interested in jobs in the (what's the name of that place?) San Francisco Bay Area.
Man: Oh! Well, terrific, we have an office there as well. I will keep your name in mind for any relevant openings!
Me: K. Bye. (hangs up)
SSSMAPOMB: *goes into a corner and cries*
So, yeah, I have no idea who that guy was, or who he worked for (though I think maaaaybe he said something about "government" and "quantitative"?). I don't think I probably made the most awesome impression. But really, he called me insanely fucking early on a state holiday. Well, okay, it was 11 AM. And I didn't technically know it was a holiday until I got up later and looked at my calendar. But really, of all the nerve.
This may have been a slight dramatization, but probably uncomfortably close to the truth nonetheless. I think it's funny, but I also feel like crap about it. At least I now know that people will actually call out of the blue based on resumes up at Monster.com, and I can be more prepared in the future. And I know I need to put a California address on my resumes there, because everyone who has contacted me so far (mostly over email) has been looking for Massachusetts employees.