I spent my last money on a Pabst Blue Ribbon...
So far, everything has been going the right way.
My loans were approved so college doesn't seem so out of touch.
Montana has a stall on campus which means we will be competing on the Rodeo Team. So exciting yet nerve-wracking.
ATL was awesome, went to their Six Flags and rode EVERY ROLLER COASTER...and I didn't get decapitated! The lake, Stone Mountain, and all other 'ventures were nice. Nikki came with me and let me just say, the main reason of this entry is going to consist of me venting and being very, very, stupid.
Let me take you way bacccck, back to junior year, back to being in a relationship, back to everything I knew.
Nikki and I are sitting in class, mid February, just gabbing away about the weekend. She mentions this guy, Robby, who shattered his ankle a while back and has been on crutches for most of the year. I listen because the way she describes him just sounds so funny and hard to picture. She wants me to hang out and meet him, but that day doesn't happen 'til St. Patty's Day, well that's what was SUPPOSED to happen. But I, being the person I am, tell her I have to work that night and can't make it. BIG MISTAKE. Robby and I meet just a little to late, so little that the night I was supposed to meet him, he meets Christine and they begin their lovely relationship of fighting, controlling, and all that other bullshit. So when my relationship ends, theirs continues. But from the moment I laid eyes on him and met him, I was pulled in, so much so that I've kept my mouth shut this long. I grow closer and closer to that group, and Christine really likes me as a friend and we begin to talk regularly. So...
many drunken hook-ups with lame dudes and lonely nights later, I can't see myself liking anyone else but him. I have NEVER in my life wanted a guy in a relationship before, never wanted to be with someone who I couldn't have like "that." He is/was different, I'm still confused about the whole deal. Well, anyways Robby always comes to me when Christine blows up at him for not doing what she wants, I'm the girl that sits with him and just listens. I take the back seat for him, I let him tell me over and over how he doesn't love her, how he tries to leave, how he can't get any better, etc... I'm the girl that doesn't yell at him for being stupid, I just tell him softly that it's his decision to make on what he wants and that he is a good guy with GOOD friends that support him and love him for him. Reality is, almost everyone hates Christine because she is so manipulative and controlling over everyone and every situation. I did like her but now I'm not so into her after I've seen what she's done. Anyways...the night of Rascal Flatts Christine and Robby get into it and Christine leaves him alone at a picnic table. Nikki and I (thank god) weren't with them but see Christine during intermission and she tells us the whole b.s. story so we go find him and talk to him. As drunk as he was, he somehow manages to get my number so we all can go to a party later and we walk off. 20 minutes later, my phone starts to vibrate and I see his number on my caller i.d. He ends up finding us in the crowd and stays with us 'til the end while Christine blows up his phone, my phone, and Nikki's. He leaves eventually with Christine, as always, and that's the end I think. Two weeks later, it's Nikki's birthday and I'm DD. We go to Senior Julio's, drink until Nikki gets her ID taken then head to Dapper's. The night rolls on and so does my drinking, with Shannon to my left and Robby to the right. All night, he was making gestures and faces at me, harmless flirting, nothing more than what he usually does. Everyone is beginning to get trashed and closing times rolls around faster than we expected. We all head out for the night to go to Josh and Jay's to swim and drink more. Robby and Christine go home and that's the end of that, I assume. We are at J&J's for about 30 minutes when my phone rings and it's Robby. It's now 2:30 in the morning, I have work at 6:30...ya, I wasn't sleeping that night. Robby is "locked" out of Christine's and wants to come to J&J's so I drive up the street to pick him up, big mistake, BIG MISTAKE. We go back and talk, drink, and I listen again to all the b.s. he goes through and ask him why he puts up with it, why? If he wants out, he can get out and he has no response. All he says to me as he grabs my arm,
"I wish I would've met you first."
I smile and say nothing because I can't help but wish the same. We sit together all night and talk about everything and laugh, I was smiling so much I couldn't remember what it was like to hold my face any other way. I didn't want it to end even though I knew he would go back to her, he wasn't going to let go and it didn't even matter. Because for a few hours he was with me, holding my hand, touching my thigh, sharing his cigarettes with me, and it felt amazing. We all leave at 4:30 and Colleen, Trish, and RJ want to go to Eat Rite so I drive there against Nikki's saying so. She proceeds to throw a fit in the parking lot and walks home. We all go in, but Robby and I didn't want to eat and were broke. He asks me to come to the truck to find his cigarettes, which we don't find, but instead find ourselves alone and talking. He then does something I never expected him to do and I still can't even remember how it all happened. It was just like that, BOOM, his lips were on mine and his hands were on my neck, pulling me into him and I closed my eyes and fell into the moment. I pulled away after a few seconds and said,
"YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, I can't do this."
He tells me she broke up with him, but when you break up every other night, I highly doubt you are done for. But he still tries to kiss me so I go back inside, knowing I've just broken something that everyone thought would never be broken. I am "the girl Robby cheated on Christine with." I'm now a cheatee. WHOOT, but the night gets even naughtier ;) So after EAT RITE, RJ storms off to his house to avoid paying for Colleen and Trish. I drop Colleen and Trish off at Trish's car then it's just Robby and I. I ask him if we wants me to take him to Christine's but he says no and I can't take him anywhere else on account he lives in Florissant. So what do I do? I take him home with ME. I have work in an hour and I beg my sister to trade shifts, which she does and I now have two hours to get sleep, drive Robby to TD's, and get to work. That's my night, my one night, my only chance of being with someone I'm completely infatuated with whom has said before, he does like me. It feels forbidden and secretive, like when I was little and told to not touch anything at a guest's house. You wait 'til no-one's looking then you reach for that one item that is the prettiest, biggest, most fragile item in the whole room. Robby is my forbidden fruit, my poison, my dirty little secret that I pray will someday be mine. But truth is, all we will ever have is that one night, morning, drive, and last words,
"See ya later, gorgeous."
Which now leads me to Nikki, the girl I have become so close with and spend almost every night with. Nikki straight up LIED to me and tried to call me out on lying to her. Her conniving, immature, drama-seeking self made up a LIE to get me to tell my secret and I fell right into it. Thank god I have friends that let me know her B.S. and tell me the TRUTH. I was so HEATED last night I almost called her out on everything I knew about her but talked myself down, knowing in the end, she is just jealous that I'm friends with everyone she introduced me to and that pisses her off because she constantly has to be in charge and in the spotlight. Fuck that and fuck her for trying to call me out ON THE FIRST DAY of my vacation, stupid girl. I'm still her friend but I will never tell her anything again because she runs her mouth and talks so much shit on everyone. I've got her figured all out and she knows it, that is why she constantly is on my nuts, afraid I'm going to let everyone know all about her. But I'm not about to, not unless she does another shitty thing to me and then that is it, I will be done playing nice and I don't give a shit who will be 'round to hear me, I hope the whole fucking group is around in a way but then again I feel it'd be even better just one on one, though I know she'd turn it all around on me. Whatever, 3 1/2 weeks left here, then I'm out and gone and away from this bad energy.
"At first she's gonna come on strong, like she'll love you all night long..."
My loans were approved so college doesn't seem so out of touch.
Montana has a stall on campus which means we will be competing on the Rodeo Team. So exciting yet nerve-wracking.
ATL was awesome, went to their Six Flags and rode EVERY ROLLER COASTER...and I didn't get decapitated! The lake, Stone Mountain, and all other 'ventures were nice. Nikki came with me and let me just say, the main reason of this entry is going to consist of me venting and being very, very, stupid.
Let me take you way bacccck, back to junior year, back to being in a relationship, back to everything I knew.
Nikki and I are sitting in class, mid February, just gabbing away about the weekend. She mentions this guy, Robby, who shattered his ankle a while back and has been on crutches for most of the year. I listen because the way she describes him just sounds so funny and hard to picture. She wants me to hang out and meet him, but that day doesn't happen 'til St. Patty's Day, well that's what was SUPPOSED to happen. But I, being the person I am, tell her I have to work that night and can't make it. BIG MISTAKE. Robby and I meet just a little to late, so little that the night I was supposed to meet him, he meets Christine and they begin their lovely relationship of fighting, controlling, and all that other bullshit. So when my relationship ends, theirs continues. But from the moment I laid eyes on him and met him, I was pulled in, so much so that I've kept my mouth shut this long. I grow closer and closer to that group, and Christine really likes me as a friend and we begin to talk regularly. So...
many drunken hook-ups with lame dudes and lonely nights later, I can't see myself liking anyone else but him. I have NEVER in my life wanted a guy in a relationship before, never wanted to be with someone who I couldn't have like "that." He is/was different, I'm still confused about the whole deal. Well, anyways Robby always comes to me when Christine blows up at him for not doing what she wants, I'm the girl that sits with him and just listens. I take the back seat for him, I let him tell me over and over how he doesn't love her, how he tries to leave, how he can't get any better, etc... I'm the girl that doesn't yell at him for being stupid, I just tell him softly that it's his decision to make on what he wants and that he is a good guy with GOOD friends that support him and love him for him. Reality is, almost everyone hates Christine because she is so manipulative and controlling over everyone and every situation. I did like her but now I'm not so into her after I've seen what she's done. Anyways...the night of Rascal Flatts Christine and Robby get into it and Christine leaves him alone at a picnic table. Nikki and I (thank god) weren't with them but see Christine during intermission and she tells us the whole b.s. story so we go find him and talk to him. As drunk as he was, he somehow manages to get my number so we all can go to a party later and we walk off. 20 minutes later, my phone starts to vibrate and I see his number on my caller i.d. He ends up finding us in the crowd and stays with us 'til the end while Christine blows up his phone, my phone, and Nikki's. He leaves eventually with Christine, as always, and that's the end I think. Two weeks later, it's Nikki's birthday and I'm DD. We go to Senior Julio's, drink until Nikki gets her ID taken then head to Dapper's. The night rolls on and so does my drinking, with Shannon to my left and Robby to the right. All night, he was making gestures and faces at me, harmless flirting, nothing more than what he usually does. Everyone is beginning to get trashed and closing times rolls around faster than we expected. We all head out for the night to go to Josh and Jay's to swim and drink more. Robby and Christine go home and that's the end of that, I assume. We are at J&J's for about 30 minutes when my phone rings and it's Robby. It's now 2:30 in the morning, I have work at 6:30...ya, I wasn't sleeping that night. Robby is "locked" out of Christine's and wants to come to J&J's so I drive up the street to pick him up, big mistake, BIG MISTAKE. We go back and talk, drink, and I listen again to all the b.s. he goes through and ask him why he puts up with it, why? If he wants out, he can get out and he has no response. All he says to me as he grabs my arm,
"I wish I would've met you first."
I smile and say nothing because I can't help but wish the same. We sit together all night and talk about everything and laugh, I was smiling so much I couldn't remember what it was like to hold my face any other way. I didn't want it to end even though I knew he would go back to her, he wasn't going to let go and it didn't even matter. Because for a few hours he was with me, holding my hand, touching my thigh, sharing his cigarettes with me, and it felt amazing. We all leave at 4:30 and Colleen, Trish, and RJ want to go to Eat Rite so I drive there against Nikki's saying so. She proceeds to throw a fit in the parking lot and walks home. We all go in, but Robby and I didn't want to eat and were broke. He asks me to come to the truck to find his cigarettes, which we don't find, but instead find ourselves alone and talking. He then does something I never expected him to do and I still can't even remember how it all happened. It was just like that, BOOM, his lips were on mine and his hands were on my neck, pulling me into him and I closed my eyes and fell into the moment. I pulled away after a few seconds and said,
"YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, I can't do this."
He tells me she broke up with him, but when you break up every other night, I highly doubt you are done for. But he still tries to kiss me so I go back inside, knowing I've just broken something that everyone thought would never be broken. I am "the girl Robby cheated on Christine with." I'm now a cheatee. WHOOT, but the night gets even naughtier ;) So after EAT RITE, RJ storms off to his house to avoid paying for Colleen and Trish. I drop Colleen and Trish off at Trish's car then it's just Robby and I. I ask him if we wants me to take him to Christine's but he says no and I can't take him anywhere else on account he lives in Florissant. So what do I do? I take him home with ME. I have work in an hour and I beg my sister to trade shifts, which she does and I now have two hours to get sleep, drive Robby to TD's, and get to work. That's my night, my one night, my only chance of being with someone I'm completely infatuated with whom has said before, he does like me. It feels forbidden and secretive, like when I was little and told to not touch anything at a guest's house. You wait 'til no-one's looking then you reach for that one item that is the prettiest, biggest, most fragile item in the whole room. Robby is my forbidden fruit, my poison, my dirty little secret that I pray will someday be mine. But truth is, all we will ever have is that one night, morning, drive, and last words,
"See ya later, gorgeous."
Which now leads me to Nikki, the girl I have become so close with and spend almost every night with. Nikki straight up LIED to me and tried to call me out on lying to her. Her conniving, immature, drama-seeking self made up a LIE to get me to tell my secret and I fell right into it. Thank god I have friends that let me know her B.S. and tell me the TRUTH. I was so HEATED last night I almost called her out on everything I knew about her but talked myself down, knowing in the end, she is just jealous that I'm friends with everyone she introduced me to and that pisses her off because she constantly has to be in charge and in the spotlight. Fuck that and fuck her for trying to call me out ON THE FIRST DAY of my vacation, stupid girl. I'm still her friend but I will never tell her anything again because she runs her mouth and talks so much shit on everyone. I've got her figured all out and she knows it, that is why she constantly is on my nuts, afraid I'm going to let everyone know all about her. But I'm not about to, not unless she does another shitty thing to me and then that is it, I will be done playing nice and I don't give a shit who will be 'round to hear me, I hope the whole fucking group is around in a way but then again I feel it'd be even better just one on one, though I know she'd turn it all around on me. Whatever, 3 1/2 weeks left here, then I'm out and gone and away from this bad energy.
"At first she's gonna come on strong, like she'll love you all night long..."