Now
Now school's done and I'm bored. I spent a week getting hammered then a week staying in cleaning and making sweet live-in boyfriend love and eating beautiful meals. Now Mickey's on his way to NY for the first in a couple of shows Mazarin is playing for their upcoming tour with the Walkmen. He'll be back late tonight, then to DC tomorrow and back again, then they're playing Philly this Friday. Conveniently I might add. Then they have the weekend off and Tuesday we say goodbye for a couple of weeks till mid-June while they make their way west.
And here I am sitting, writing, before I have to leave for work this afternoon. I'm so tired of this shit, working, same same same.
I'm really, really angry with myself. What is my problem? Why didn't I request off for tonight, why didn't I request off this Friday, why didn't I plan a trip home to Chicago for Mickey's show there on June 1 and my cousin Kate's graduation party June 3? What's stopping me? Work? Who gives a fuck? Is one day any different from another? I could care less about the money, honestly. I work there mainly for the health insurance and for the flexibility in taking off.
So why don't I pick up the request off book? I was sort of planning a trip to Chicago but it got too late and I got put on the schedule. I could get people to cover me but they don't really want to and it feels like such a pain in the ass I've 90% scrapped it. The last 10% of me is totally whining and pissed and sad and stamping its feet saying WHO CARES I WANNA GO. I miss Chicago. I miss my sister and Kate and Jessica and Cathie and I WANT TO HAVE FUN AND WHY AREN'T I GOING. FUCK FUCK FUCK.
My laziness and shortsightedness make me hate myself sometimes. I know I was just too overwhelmed with school then Mickey being back and moving in. I purposely shoved away all other planning to avoid total self-destruction. I'm still fucking mad though.
And here I am sitting, writing, before I have to leave for work this afternoon. I'm so tired of this shit, working, same same same.
I'm really, really angry with myself. What is my problem? Why didn't I request off for tonight, why didn't I request off this Friday, why didn't I plan a trip home to Chicago for Mickey's show there on June 1 and my cousin Kate's graduation party June 3? What's stopping me? Work? Who gives a fuck? Is one day any different from another? I could care less about the money, honestly. I work there mainly for the health insurance and for the flexibility in taking off.
So why don't I pick up the request off book? I was sort of planning a trip to Chicago but it got too late and I got put on the schedule. I could get people to cover me but they don't really want to and it feels like such a pain in the ass I've 90% scrapped it. The last 10% of me is totally whining and pissed and sad and stamping its feet saying WHO CARES I WANNA GO. I miss Chicago. I miss my sister and Kate and Jessica and Cathie and I WANT TO HAVE FUN AND WHY AREN'T I GOING. FUCK FUCK FUCK.
My laziness and shortsightedness make me hate myself sometimes. I know I was just too overwhelmed with school then Mickey being back and moving in. I purposely shoved away all other planning to avoid total self-destruction. I'm still fucking mad though.