my week
Hello friends,
Well, it's been a long hard week. A person who I admired most passed away Saturday morning and I was devastated. I didn't know what to do, so I went to the library to try to write a paper. After three hours and only 3 pages down I decided it was time to call it a day and go home to be with family. But first I went to Pilam to see the Kerns, Erik, Alex and others and play a couple games of Hearts. Those kids are my buds. They'll always help me smile. I went home then and realized that the next day I was going to fly out to South Dakota to go to the memorial service. Everything happened so quickly, and I found myself on a plane in the middle seat attempting to type up the rest of my essay, knowing that I wouldn't have the ability to do it in South Dakota. It was wonderful to be with family. We talked about him, but it wasn't all sad. He passed away in a way that would have been least painful to him and a way that he had hoped to die. And we even laughed a lot. He would have wanted that. Monday night was really difficult for me. I had to speak at the memorial service and I broke down crying. I couldn't control myself. Everyone else was crying but was able to keep some sort of composure. But me, I just wasn't able to do that. My uncle hurriedly passed me the tissue box, and with a wipe of my eyes I was able to once again see the paper I had penciled some thoughts on; thoughts that perfectly portrayed how I felt about him. Thoughts that got lost in my blubbering.
It's funny because all of my family wanted to get out to South Dakota for the service, but we were all also intent on voting on Tuesday. Like my aunt said, "Bush is not going to benefit from his death." He hated Bush so much, and so I decided that in his honor I would vote for Kerry and hope to god that he won. But alas, as we all know, Kerry did not win. Maybe it was best that he passed away before another 4 years of hell, right? Maybe he knew. So Tuesday I got back here in time to vote, which was fabulous, by the way. It was a great feeling to know that I can vote for things that impact me.
Wednesday was a very bad day. Bush won. Boooo. I was very very sick. And at 3pm when I walked out of work to go to class, I realized that it was pouring rain and poor little me was only in a tank top and a thin sweater. This is what happens when Bush wins. The country cries. Work wasn't so great either. Whenever people asked me how I was doing I almost started to break down crying. I thought I was done crying. I thought I had let it all out on Saturday, Sunday and Monday. But alas, I wasn't entirely correct.
Today went by without a hitch...at least, not yet. I am very behind in everything. This weekend will be a catch-up weekend. I need some fun. I need some happiness. I feel completely and utterly drained of everything. And I feel like I have nothing to offer. I want to be just like him. I want to be admired, selfless, witty, intelligent, loved by so many, forgiving, and loving to others. And yet, here I am, unhappy and drained of everything that makes me me. Maybe it's just been a bad week.
Much love,
Lauren
Well, it's been a long hard week. A person who I admired most passed away Saturday morning and I was devastated. I didn't know what to do, so I went to the library to try to write a paper. After three hours and only 3 pages down I decided it was time to call it a day and go home to be with family. But first I went to Pilam to see the Kerns, Erik, Alex and others and play a couple games of Hearts. Those kids are my buds. They'll always help me smile. I went home then and realized that the next day I was going to fly out to South Dakota to go to the memorial service. Everything happened so quickly, and I found myself on a plane in the middle seat attempting to type up the rest of my essay, knowing that I wouldn't have the ability to do it in South Dakota. It was wonderful to be with family. We talked about him, but it wasn't all sad. He passed away in a way that would have been least painful to him and a way that he had hoped to die. And we even laughed a lot. He would have wanted that. Monday night was really difficult for me. I had to speak at the memorial service and I broke down crying. I couldn't control myself. Everyone else was crying but was able to keep some sort of composure. But me, I just wasn't able to do that. My uncle hurriedly passed me the tissue box, and with a wipe of my eyes I was able to once again see the paper I had penciled some thoughts on; thoughts that perfectly portrayed how I felt about him. Thoughts that got lost in my blubbering.
It's funny because all of my family wanted to get out to South Dakota for the service, but we were all also intent on voting on Tuesday. Like my aunt said, "Bush is not going to benefit from his death." He hated Bush so much, and so I decided that in his honor I would vote for Kerry and hope to god that he won. But alas, as we all know, Kerry did not win. Maybe it was best that he passed away before another 4 years of hell, right? Maybe he knew. So Tuesday I got back here in time to vote, which was fabulous, by the way. It was a great feeling to know that I can vote for things that impact me.
Wednesday was a very bad day. Bush won. Boooo. I was very very sick. And at 3pm when I walked out of work to go to class, I realized that it was pouring rain and poor little me was only in a tank top and a thin sweater. This is what happens when Bush wins. The country cries. Work wasn't so great either. Whenever people asked me how I was doing I almost started to break down crying. I thought I was done crying. I thought I had let it all out on Saturday, Sunday and Monday. But alas, I wasn't entirely correct.
Today went by without a hitch...at least, not yet. I am very behind in everything. This weekend will be a catch-up weekend. I need some fun. I need some happiness. I feel completely and utterly drained of everything. And I feel like I have nothing to offer. I want to be just like him. I want to be admired, selfless, witty, intelligent, loved by so many, forgiving, and loving to others. And yet, here I am, unhappy and drained of everything that makes me me. Maybe it's just been a bad week.
Much love,
Lauren