(no subject)
What a summer.
I'm back! It's nice to sit around and do nothing. :)
I think I'm going to retire my LJ. I may have said that before. But it's seriously about that time. It's not really my style to sit around and have everyone read my problems. Except this time. haha
So, here's one last entry. Just to warn you, I'm filled with a million emotions right now, as is the typical feeling a day after tour ends. I'm not crazy, just venting. One more time.
I learned a lot this summer. Not about music or marching or anything like that. I learned a lot about myself, and more importanly about other people. Drum corps is a weird thing. It makes you feel things you've never felt before. Whether you realize it or not, you're on an emotional rollercoaster for 2 1/2 months. There were days when I would wake up and couldn't wait to start the day, and kick ass at the show that night. Then there were days when i didn't want to get out of bed. Times when I would look at the people around me and think, "oh yeah, this is why I'm here." And times when I would look at the people around me and think, "what the hell am I doing here?" There were people on staff that gave me strength to make it through one more day of rehearsal. And other people who made getting through the day one hell of a struggle.
The corps was a lot like a family this year. We became very close very quickly. Which meant that we started getting on each other's nerves even quicker. There were people who would jump down other people's throats whenever they had a chance. Although everyone had good intentions, most people just didn't know how to go about doing it the right way.
I usually just try to sit back and take it all in. I see everything that goes on, but I try not to get too involved.
Personally, this year was unlike any other for me. I made a big mistake by dating someone in the corps. I sat next to Brandon on the drum bus, and I think I missed out on a lot of stuff. I didn't feel as connected to people in the hornline as I usually do. The only time I really hung out with them was like, during stretch-out. And half of that time we would just be getting yelled at by vets. I made a few close friends in the baritone section, and I'm very thankful for that. I just wish I would have had more time to hang out on the bus with the rest of the hornline.
Dating someone in the corps is a huge distraction. It started out fine, and I was having fun, until I really started to like Brandon. I didn't expect to become involved with him, cuz we were just friends before, but I just kinda let things happen. But as we got down to the last few weeks of tour, I lost sight of why I was there. I began to worry about what would happen to me and Brandon after tour ended, and I worried less about perfecting my show and performing to the best of my ability. It seriously made me sick to my stomach. I found out that he didn't want to be with me after tour, and that was all I could think about. I tried so hard to keep my focus, but I couldn't. I tried to play it off like everything was fine, but I would walk around with this pain in my chest. I always felt like I wanted to throw up. And it was because I knew I had taken the heart that I put into Vanguard and given it to someone who was going to throw it away as soon as tour ended. And it shouldn't have been like that. I would much rather put all my energy and emotion into rehearsal and shows, than try to give half of it to someone else. Which is what I did. And I regret it more than I can ever express.
From this, I learned a lot. Most importantly, don't date anyone on tour. Haha. Or at least, don't waste your time and energy on one person. I always thought the one person I would spend the rest of my life with would be someone from Vanguard. And I still hope that it is. Just... maybe... I'll meet them somewhere else besides in the seat next to me. :) I also learned that my communication skills are shit. I mean, I knew that already. But I can't expect to know what someone is thinking without asking what's actually going on. Apparantly "liking someone" means different things to different people. I guess I learned that sometimes people aren't who they appear to be. So, I'm going to be more careful next time I give myself to someone. My definition of the word "friend" has changed, too. Because someone you consider your friend wouldn't want to start dating you, thinking the entire time how awesome and easy it is that once the summer is over, the relationship is over, too. How convenient. And things will go back to the way they were, no strings attached. Yeah... some "friend."
Regretfully, I learned more about my personal life than about life in general. But I definitely realized that I need to keep my eyes open next season, and not just focus on myself. As it is every summer, I am a different person now than I was when tour started. In a good way.
Luckily, I get one more chance next summer. And trust me, it's going to be awesome.
I'm back! It's nice to sit around and do nothing. :)
I think I'm going to retire my LJ. I may have said that before. But it's seriously about that time. It's not really my style to sit around and have everyone read my problems. Except this time. haha
So, here's one last entry. Just to warn you, I'm filled with a million emotions right now, as is the typical feeling a day after tour ends. I'm not crazy, just venting. One more time.
I learned a lot this summer. Not about music or marching or anything like that. I learned a lot about myself, and more importanly about other people. Drum corps is a weird thing. It makes you feel things you've never felt before. Whether you realize it or not, you're on an emotional rollercoaster for 2 1/2 months. There were days when I would wake up and couldn't wait to start the day, and kick ass at the show that night. Then there were days when i didn't want to get out of bed. Times when I would look at the people around me and think, "oh yeah, this is why I'm here." And times when I would look at the people around me and think, "what the hell am I doing here?" There were people on staff that gave me strength to make it through one more day of rehearsal. And other people who made getting through the day one hell of a struggle.
The corps was a lot like a family this year. We became very close very quickly. Which meant that we started getting on each other's nerves even quicker. There were people who would jump down other people's throats whenever they had a chance. Although everyone had good intentions, most people just didn't know how to go about doing it the right way.
I usually just try to sit back and take it all in. I see everything that goes on, but I try not to get too involved.
Personally, this year was unlike any other for me. I made a big mistake by dating someone in the corps. I sat next to Brandon on the drum bus, and I think I missed out on a lot of stuff. I didn't feel as connected to people in the hornline as I usually do. The only time I really hung out with them was like, during stretch-out. And half of that time we would just be getting yelled at by vets. I made a few close friends in the baritone section, and I'm very thankful for that. I just wish I would have had more time to hang out on the bus with the rest of the hornline.
Dating someone in the corps is a huge distraction. It started out fine, and I was having fun, until I really started to like Brandon. I didn't expect to become involved with him, cuz we were just friends before, but I just kinda let things happen. But as we got down to the last few weeks of tour, I lost sight of why I was there. I began to worry about what would happen to me and Brandon after tour ended, and I worried less about perfecting my show and performing to the best of my ability. It seriously made me sick to my stomach. I found out that he didn't want to be with me after tour, and that was all I could think about. I tried so hard to keep my focus, but I couldn't. I tried to play it off like everything was fine, but I would walk around with this pain in my chest. I always felt like I wanted to throw up. And it was because I knew I had taken the heart that I put into Vanguard and given it to someone who was going to throw it away as soon as tour ended. And it shouldn't have been like that. I would much rather put all my energy and emotion into rehearsal and shows, than try to give half of it to someone else. Which is what I did. And I regret it more than I can ever express.
From this, I learned a lot. Most importantly, don't date anyone on tour. Haha. Or at least, don't waste your time and energy on one person. I always thought the one person I would spend the rest of my life with would be someone from Vanguard. And I still hope that it is. Just... maybe... I'll meet them somewhere else besides in the seat next to me. :) I also learned that my communication skills are shit. I mean, I knew that already. But I can't expect to know what someone is thinking without asking what's actually going on. Apparantly "liking someone" means different things to different people. I guess I learned that sometimes people aren't who they appear to be. So, I'm going to be more careful next time I give myself to someone. My definition of the word "friend" has changed, too. Because someone you consider your friend wouldn't want to start dating you, thinking the entire time how awesome and easy it is that once the summer is over, the relationship is over, too. How convenient. And things will go back to the way they were, no strings attached. Yeah... some "friend."
Regretfully, I learned more about my personal life than about life in general. But I definitely realized that I need to keep my eyes open next season, and not just focus on myself. As it is every summer, I am a different person now than I was when tour started. In a good way.
Luckily, I get one more chance next summer. And trust me, it's going to be awesome.