i owe myself an update
after these last couple of weeks, i could pretty much write my own book of Revelation. ive been so busy doing the most random and seemingly pointless things, yet somehow everythings played out in a way that is meaningful to me (if that makes sense). its times like these that lead me to figure out more about who i am, and im kind of liking it.
im proud of myself for lending so many emotions to nicaragua, because the trip wouldnt have been the same if i hadnt. yes, it sucked every ounce of life from me...but you cant have an experience like that without giving it all you have. it was a week of moving mountains (literally), beating myself up for not being good enough, proving myself wrong, working my butt off, becoming stronger in mind and body and spirit, going back to my roots, feeling that tug on my heart, breaking down my walls, crying and laughing, eating more rice and beans than i ever cared to, looking at the stars, becoming a mother, really knowing my father, and feeling like my cup was more full than empty.
i came back to a world of schedules and chaos and shouting: everything was so abrasive that even common speech cut deep. part of me still wants chinandega, and shoveling dirt, and being coated with mud, and living each day for all its worth, and laughing constantly, and embracing nicaragua. i miss that.
its been more than just nicaragua, but that stuff is introspective. its just nice to feel accomplished and worth it, because i dont think ive felt that way all year long...
im proud of myself for lending so many emotions to nicaragua, because the trip wouldnt have been the same if i hadnt. yes, it sucked every ounce of life from me...but you cant have an experience like that without giving it all you have. it was a week of moving mountains (literally), beating myself up for not being good enough, proving myself wrong, working my butt off, becoming stronger in mind and body and spirit, going back to my roots, feeling that tug on my heart, breaking down my walls, crying and laughing, eating more rice and beans than i ever cared to, looking at the stars, becoming a mother, really knowing my father, and feeling like my cup was more full than empty.
i came back to a world of schedules and chaos and shouting: everything was so abrasive that even common speech cut deep. part of me still wants chinandega, and shoveling dirt, and being coated with mud, and living each day for all its worth, and laughing constantly, and embracing nicaragua. i miss that.
its been more than just nicaragua, but that stuff is introspective. its just nice to feel accomplished and worth it, because i dont think ive felt that way all year long...