i wish that i knew what i know now...when i was younger...
i feel so full of life, and i cant even explain it. im sure it has a lot to do with the sun coming out and the weather getting warmer and the days getting longer, but something is different. something about me is stronger and more withstanding to the pressure i used to crumble under. i make my own rules. i live my own life. i worry about myself and no one else...unless you want me to worry about you, and then i make an exception.
i feel like for once that i have the upperhand in stressful situations only because i choose to have the upperhand. its kind of an empowering emotion---to know that you are in control of yourself and your actions. and i think it only comes to you once you realize that it is okay to be selfish and worry about yourself every once in a while. i guess its one of the benefits of "self-discovery" or "soul searching", minus the whole hippie thing, because i dont think im that extreme. i dont know. maybe im just a free spirit. yeah, thats it.
okay, thats enough deep thought for the next week.
prom is looking better and better everyday. i have the dress and the date, both of which im very excited about, and hopefully a group will come together soon. i just want to be with all my girls (and guys!) for the last dance. sigh.
i found out that the cop who responded to my gay-ass fender bender on new years lost my ticket and never turned it into the county, so they have no record of anything happening. her sergeant told her just to give me a warning after she explained the situation to him, and so this means no court, no fine, no ticket on record, and no points on my license. AND the insane lady whos trying to sue my family because i caused "personal trauma" to her can no longer do so. haha....SUCKA!! i swear, sometimes it helps just to have a little faith, because SOMEONE was watching out for me.
on a sidenote, i saw the most beautiful thing the other day...theres a kid named curtis who ive attended school with for the past 12 years who has down syndrome. he looks like a big butterball and has a really wide, round face, but he is the sweetest person youll ever meet. though some people make fun of him, he is completely oblivious and still lives life happily and innocently---the way it should be. anyways, i saw him walking with his new-found and first girlfriend (a girl with down syndrome as well) to lunch yesterday. their fingers were intertwined, and he was speaking to her in the softest of terms. as they walked by me, i couldnt help but to smile and think of how perfect they looked.
okay im done.
i feel like for once that i have the upperhand in stressful situations only because i choose to have the upperhand. its kind of an empowering emotion---to know that you are in control of yourself and your actions. and i think it only comes to you once you realize that it is okay to be selfish and worry about yourself every once in a while. i guess its one of the benefits of "self-discovery" or "soul searching", minus the whole hippie thing, because i dont think im that extreme. i dont know. maybe im just a free spirit. yeah, thats it.
okay, thats enough deep thought for the next week.
prom is looking better and better everyday. i have the dress and the date, both of which im very excited about, and hopefully a group will come together soon. i just want to be with all my girls (and guys!) for the last dance. sigh.
i found out that the cop who responded to my gay-ass fender bender on new years lost my ticket and never turned it into the county, so they have no record of anything happening. her sergeant told her just to give me a warning after she explained the situation to him, and so this means no court, no fine, no ticket on record, and no points on my license. AND the insane lady whos trying to sue my family because i caused "personal trauma" to her can no longer do so. haha....SUCKA!! i swear, sometimes it helps just to have a little faith, because SOMEONE was watching out for me.
on a sidenote, i saw the most beautiful thing the other day...theres a kid named curtis who ive attended school with for the past 12 years who has down syndrome. he looks like a big butterball and has a really wide, round face, but he is the sweetest person youll ever meet. though some people make fun of him, he is completely oblivious and still lives life happily and innocently---the way it should be. anyways, i saw him walking with his new-found and first girlfriend (a girl with down syndrome as well) to lunch yesterday. their fingers were intertwined, and he was speaking to her in the softest of terms. as they walked by me, i couldnt help but to smile and think of how perfect they looked.
okay im done.