In search of the Feminine
On Saturday, I used the gift certificate that A.M. so generous gave me to have a massage (hot stone), pedicure, and manicure done. In addition, I had my hair cut, having decided that it was about damned time that I get rid of my long locks and go with something more professional.
You see, I've determined that one of the (many) reasons I cannot find a job is because I'm not acting the part. I may know my stuff, but unless you're willing to put on a costume on stage, you're not really being the character. One phrase in the ONLY interview I've had in the past year has been haunting me: "We need someone who looks professional." During the interview, this person told me that at LEAST four times. Every time I agreed with him, nodded and smiled, and wondered why he kept telling me this: I was wearing a nice suit, carrying my Franklin Planner and purse. WTF?
So, I got my hair cut. It's no longer the long, dark tresses that I've considered a key part of what makes me attractive. I now have shoulder-length hair and BANGS. It doesn't look bad. Once I master it, I can probably make it reasonably cute. I still feel like I've cut away a part of my soul, though.
Today, I went into the gym 15 minutes early, so I could style my hair and do my makeup. I thought I had put my "product" into my gym bag last night so I had the hairspray and volumizer that I was going to need. Nope, no product. So I had wet my hair for nothing! I blow it dry, and I have a head full of straight fuzz. Yes, even my curls are gone right now. I put up my hair and decided to do my makeup and forget my hair for a day. Oops. Forgot to bring mascara and eyeliner. I instead put on some lipstick, eyeshadow, and I highlight my brows with a little brown eyeshadow. You make do with what you have, right? I feel like a clown. Seriously. I feel like a joke, as if I've cast myself into a role I was never meant to play. It's frustrating. If I looked anything like I look now at that interview, I can see why I never got the job.
Later this week, I'll head to the Mall made up like I am now, and beg for help from the cosmetics department. I obviously don't know what I'm doing, so I'll have someone show me step by step what it takes to look like a female.
You see, I've determined that one of the (many) reasons I cannot find a job is because I'm not acting the part. I may know my stuff, but unless you're willing to put on a costume on stage, you're not really being the character. One phrase in the ONLY interview I've had in the past year has been haunting me: "We need someone who looks professional." During the interview, this person told me that at LEAST four times. Every time I agreed with him, nodded and smiled, and wondered why he kept telling me this: I was wearing a nice suit, carrying my Franklin Planner and purse. WTF?
So, I got my hair cut. It's no longer the long, dark tresses that I've considered a key part of what makes me attractive. I now have shoulder-length hair and BANGS. It doesn't look bad. Once I master it, I can probably make it reasonably cute. I still feel like I've cut away a part of my soul, though.
Today, I went into the gym 15 minutes early, so I could style my hair and do my makeup. I thought I had put my "product" into my gym bag last night so I had the hairspray and volumizer that I was going to need. Nope, no product. So I had wet my hair for nothing! I blow it dry, and I have a head full of straight fuzz. Yes, even my curls are gone right now. I put up my hair and decided to do my makeup and forget my hair for a day. Oops. Forgot to bring mascara and eyeliner. I instead put on some lipstick, eyeshadow, and I highlight my brows with a little brown eyeshadow. You make do with what you have, right? I feel like a clown. Seriously. I feel like a joke, as if I've cast myself into a role I was never meant to play. It's frustrating. If I looked anything like I look now at that interview, I can see why I never got the job.
Later this week, I'll head to the Mall made up like I am now, and beg for help from the cosmetics department. I obviously don't know what I'm doing, so I'll have someone show me step by step what it takes to look like a female.