What the Kids Don't Know Won't Hurt Them
So we were having a little Rizzoli & Isles fic-a-thon:
http://rizzoli-isles.livejournal.com/474658.html
And I think I prompted myself and now I feel dirty.
It goes without saying that I own nothing but these words.
It was quiet in the guest cottage, although to her way of thinking it was lovely home in it's own right. It was late and Jane was with Maura in the main house, Tommy had moved out of the the spare bedroom so now Angela had the place all to herself. She was still getting used to it again, having a place to herself. She'd spent the last several decades tending her own home and family after all. In the stillness Angela shook her head at they way life works out. In the stillness she recalled the one other time she'd been on her own.
God, she and Frank had been so young when they got married. They didn't think so at the time because they'd known each other since elementary school, but they were. Neither one of them was really grown up enough to cope; cope with each other, cope with marriage, cope with a baby. It wasn't that they had stopped caring about each other, not by any means, but where once there had been ease between them there was awkwardness and conflict. That they spent a lot of their time exhausted thanks to the baby didn't help. Neither did the fact that everything seemed to be changing so fast around them that neither of them knew what was expected of them. It was the early 70s and it seemed the whole world was in flux. They'd tried what they had thought was expected of them and failed miserably with it, yet couldn't figure out what else to do. So Frank conceded that his Latin Lord and Master turn wasn't working for either of them, he wasn't really comfortable with the role anyway and Angela sure as hell resented it. They agreed to take a break before things got really ugly.
Jane had just been a little thing so of course Angela took her with her when she packed a bag for each of them and left the apartment she had shared with Frank. The kids had been shocked when she and Frank split for good, but they didn't know it hadn't been the first time the marriage had been troubled. They'd worked hard to keep it from them and the time Angela split had happened before Frankie and Tommy had been born and Jane had been too little to remember. But Angela did.
She had found a little place in a new neighborhood for herself and Jane, an Irish neighborhood where she wasn't known and where they wouldn't ask about Frank. Instead they cooed over the beautiful baby that the pretty young stranger pushed about in the carriage as she did her shopping between classes and her part time job. It had been liberating for Angela, to be in a new place that had no history for her, nor she for it. Well, liberation was a big word at the time, for women especially, and Angela decided to grab it with both hands.
So when something about the guy she saw hunched over the counter at the coffee shop where she waited tables caught her attention she made sure to get his order. He wasn't handsome exactly, but there was a hint of danger about him that was very attractive. Well built, kinda chiseled. Oh, and blue eyes. Piercing blue Irish eyes. Angela decided they were yummy. Present day Angela then decided if this was where her thoughts were going to wander tonight then it was time to get the whiskey. She'd acquired a taste for it back in the day, but hadn't indulged once she'd moved back with Frank. She enjoyed the multi-faceted burn. She enjoyed the kick that introduced the mellow, which kind of reminded her of Paddy. There was no one present to be disturbed by it so she poured herself another.
Ah Paddy. Angela shuddered a little, both from the memory and the shot. Angela didn't think Paddy much older than the kids in her classes, but he would never be mistaken for one, could never be mistaken for one. Nope, Paddy was no kid and not to be found in a classroom. Even after she'd gotten to know him a little Angela wasn't sure were he could be found when he wasn't with her or in the diner. A lot of things about Paddy were mysterious but it was pretty clear he was a bad boy. Angela hadn't hung around any bad boys before, her mama wouldn't let her. Angela admitted to herself that she liked that about him.
Paddy's blue eyes weren't blind and he saw the effect he was having and in time he accepted Angela's invitation. It turned out he liked playing with the baby, Jane was so cute and lively and looked at him with such trust. It wasn't the kind of look he got often so he fell for her almost as hard as he fell for Angela. He also liked it when Jane slept so that he could play with her mother who also looked at him with trust. They thoroughly enjoyed their time together as work and school permitted. Hot, hectic, heady, wonderful days that made Angela feel the liberation she had sought and Paddy was the most exciting thing she had ever known. Until Angela realized she was late. She didn't talk to Paddy until she was sure.
She had known (and loved) that Paddy was a bad boy and so was not surprised, not disappointed, maybe even a little relieved that they would not marry nor settle down together, that Paddy wasn't about to be a father in any sense other than biology. She HAD been a little surprised to get a better sense of just how bad a boy Paddy really was, that his 'business' potentially made things dangerous for them all. She was glad he wasn't pressuring her to have an abortion. It had just become legal, but that just wasn't something Angela could do. But still, her hand was forced.
For the first few weeks of her life (they'd named her after the woman that babysat Jane when Angela worked or was in class) the new baby stayed with Angela and shared Jane's crib, until the day Paddy came for her, to get her to a new family and new life that meant they'd all be safe. It was the last Angela saw of either of them. She would miss Paddy but the good times were already over, but the loss of the little girl broke her heart. She was grateful Paddy quietly sent her updates.
And so Angela moved once again to leave the memories behind, this time to back with her folks. In the old neighborhood it was only natural to run into Frank. He'd always had a special place in Angela's heart and always would. They each learned some things in their time apart and were able to work some things out. They got back together and got a house. Angela's studies were shelved when they knew Frankie was on his way. By the time Tommy showed up, the Rizzoli house was so busy she rarely had time to even wonder about Paddy, but there never was a day her heart didn't ache for her absent girl. Angela kept that to herself and did her best by the kids she had with her and over the years her brood grew and thrived even as they worried her to death, eventually growing up and moving out on their own in succession.
A sliver of concern had slithered down her spine when Jane started talking about her new friend right about the same time Paddy's update included news of their daughter's return to Boston as the new medical examiner. She would prefer to keep parts of her past quiet for everybody's sake and so bided her time. Angela's concern ticked up again when Maura found a genetic match between herself and a body in her morgue. Angela felt a little guilty that Maura was so caught up in finding herself Paddy Doyle's daughter that she never found the connection to Jane, Frankie, or Tommy. To her. No, the search had stopped once a match to a lab worker showed up and Angela could breathe easier.
That lasted until Tommy got out of prison and needed a place to stay. Angela knew that boy was a handsome devil that could charm the birds from the trees if he set his mind to it so she panicked inside when she saw him turn his gaze towards Maura. But she bit her tongue and waited for the kid to blow it. Angela knew her son (she had gotten to know Maura, too) and knew this could not end well, that he inevitably would disappoint and he did. She was just glad it was before anything serious took place and she would have to show her hand. Besides, she could see what it was doing to Janie. Yeah, Angela could see the jealousy simmering under the lid Jane put on it so Maura couldn't see. Tommy didn't mean to, but the ne'er do well in him actually did his big sister a solid. He was the catalyst that finally got Jane and Maura together, after all their months and years of dancing and denying and diverting. They were together, they were good for each other and there would be no accidental pregnancies between them. Angela thought she just might be able to keep her secret, the one meant to keep her family safe, safe.
Yeah, Angela knew her daughter. Both of them. Up in the main house. Maybe some day, if she thought it was safe, they'd get to know her, too.