What a week to be a kid.
TWICE in the past seven days small children have reduced me to all out howling in laughter. The type of laughter where I clutch my sides and gasp for breath and damn near fall down. Even when I'm already sitting.
Incident the first:
Was at a restaurant with my mom. Sitting at the next table was an upper-middle class white family, trying very hard to ignore a little boy who couldn't have been a day over four. He had a bunch of action figures and he kept trying to make everybody at the table (parents, grandparents) play with him. Finally the dad picks one up and half-heartedly waves it around from time to time, but that's not enough for the kid. He starts going "I'M GONNA GET YOU! I'M GONNA GET YOU! DAAAAAAAD! I'M GOING TO GET YOU!!"
So the dad, really still 99.9% focused on the adult conversation at the table, goes "ahhhh ahhhh no you're not." And then the kid announces, at the top of his lungs, "BISH! I GOTCHO NUMBER! I KNOW HOW YOU ROLL!"
Forks dropped. The parents locked eyes, and you could just SEE them both arrive simultaneously to the decision to cancel the cable. I almost fell out of our booth laughing.
Incident the second:
Was just at Walmart! And they had a guy dressed up as Santa walking around and giving out candy canes to kids. And Santa happened to be a black guy. He was really into it, all HOOO HOOOOO HOOOOOO, MEEEEERRY CHRISTMAS. Like you could hear him through-out the whole store. And just as I was standing next to him, this little girl, probably around six, leans out of the seat in the cart and goes "HEY SANTA, YOU'RE NOT REAL! YOU'RE A BLACK GUY!"
I was laughing so hard, her mother couldn't decide whose ass she was going to kick first - her kids, or mine. But hey, I got a candy cane and she didn't. So who's the asshole, hm?
Incident the first:
Was at a restaurant with my mom. Sitting at the next table was an upper-middle class white family, trying very hard to ignore a little boy who couldn't have been a day over four. He had a bunch of action figures and he kept trying to make everybody at the table (parents, grandparents) play with him. Finally the dad picks one up and half-heartedly waves it around from time to time, but that's not enough for the kid. He starts going "I'M GONNA GET YOU! I'M GONNA GET YOU! DAAAAAAAD! I'M GOING TO GET YOU!!"
So the dad, really still 99.9% focused on the adult conversation at the table, goes "ahhhh ahhhh no you're not." And then the kid announces, at the top of his lungs, "BISH! I GOTCHO NUMBER! I KNOW HOW YOU ROLL!"
Forks dropped. The parents locked eyes, and you could just SEE them both arrive simultaneously to the decision to cancel the cable. I almost fell out of our booth laughing.
Incident the second:
Was just at Walmart! And they had a guy dressed up as Santa walking around and giving out candy canes to kids. And Santa happened to be a black guy. He was really into it, all HOOO HOOOOO HOOOOOO, MEEEEERRY CHRISTMAS. Like you could hear him through-out the whole store. And just as I was standing next to him, this little girl, probably around six, leans out of the seat in the cart and goes "HEY SANTA, YOU'RE NOT REAL! YOU'RE A BLACK GUY!"
I was laughing so hard, her mother couldn't decide whose ass she was going to kick first - her kids, or mine. But hey, I got a candy cane and she didn't. So who's the asshole, hm?