My Life should be a Lifetime Movie
I keep failing to update this darn thing. I have been uber busy. And living in my 2.5 square mile town of Hamtramck makes me want to go back to the suburbs. I like the city. I like the local bars and the life of the city. I guess I just wish I lived in another house. Where my memories are few and less sadden by the past I once lived. I hate my house. I hate my house. I hate the way it smells (it doesn't smell funky or anything) it’s just so lifeless and dull. I can't describe the icy unwelcome feel of it.
Last night as I tossed and turned in my bed. I began to remember why I hated this house. I remembered this house was never meant for my mother, brother, sister and me. It saddens me that my father's parents at one time had the balls to kick us out. Their grandchildren into the streets with no where to go. I couldn't believe what they did to us. How they threatened our mother with eviction. Then to turn it over to their beloved son my father. I can’t stand how now my dad’s family treats us like the lepers example: “their parents couldn’t make their marriage work” and feel sorry for them because Michael isn’t in their life. Well if Michael didn’t leave his wife and three children there wouldn’t be this out of place feeling. We can’t communicate enough to get holidays straight. And whom does he blame the divorce on? My mother the faithful spouse who wanted more then anything for her marriage to work. But over the years I seem to grow naive over the fact that my father is my father no matter what. He loved me at one point in my life, I am not really sure that he does now? But those are my issues. I have never felt so unwanted in my whole life until now.
His blood runs through my veins yet he feels nothing for me. I want to be social with him but every time I want to “bond” and have a father daughter relationship it seems that we end up arguing. I guess he is afraid to get close to me. I am the only child that has ever stuck up for him, yet he treats me the worst. If you talked to my younger sister she would think she was treated the worst, if you asked my brother… he would say he has it the worst… I know we three all have issues with him and his leaving. But I am tired of the battle to trying to set up a relationship which probably isn’t possible. I am throwing in the towel my five week crusade is over because I cannot take the heart ache.
Until Next Time,
Laura Nicole
ps. check out my new pics on myspace.... http://www.myspace.com/polishgirlie85
Last night as I tossed and turned in my bed. I began to remember why I hated this house. I remembered this house was never meant for my mother, brother, sister and me. It saddens me that my father's parents at one time had the balls to kick us out. Their grandchildren into the streets with no where to go. I couldn't believe what they did to us. How they threatened our mother with eviction. Then to turn it over to their beloved son my father. I can’t stand how now my dad’s family treats us like the lepers example: “their parents couldn’t make their marriage work” and feel sorry for them because Michael isn’t in their life. Well if Michael didn’t leave his wife and three children there wouldn’t be this out of place feeling. We can’t communicate enough to get holidays straight. And whom does he blame the divorce on? My mother the faithful spouse who wanted more then anything for her marriage to work. But over the years I seem to grow naive over the fact that my father is my father no matter what. He loved me at one point in my life, I am not really sure that he does now? But those are my issues. I have never felt so unwanted in my whole life until now.
His blood runs through my veins yet he feels nothing for me. I want to be social with him but every time I want to “bond” and have a father daughter relationship it seems that we end up arguing. I guess he is afraid to get close to me. I am the only child that has ever stuck up for him, yet he treats me the worst. If you talked to my younger sister she would think she was treated the worst, if you asked my brother… he would say he has it the worst… I know we three all have issues with him and his leaving. But I am tired of the battle to trying to set up a relationship which probably isn’t possible. I am throwing in the towel my five week crusade is over because I cannot take the heart ache.
Until Next Time,
Laura Nicole
ps. check out my new pics on myspace.... http://www.myspace.com/polishgirlie85