Hello old friend;
I just got done reading a couple of my past livejournal entries and they all start out the same "so I haven't updated in a really long time...", and here we are again, it's been a while.
Everyone has been talking about livejournal on twitter lately and I was like "oh yea! livejournal! I almost forgot about you!" So here I am once again, most likely this will be a long entry, but maybe not. I've just had this weird urge to update, and I've finally found time in my busy schedule to do so.
I like how tair broke her life down into sections, so I'll steal some of that brillance and do the same ;)
First boyfriend, always boyfriend first for some reason. Well I am utterly happy to say the least. When I last updated it had been about six months that we had been dating and my perception of our relationship is basically the same another six months later. I love him, more than I thought I, Laura Smith, could ever love someone in this way. I honestly don't think that I could find someone more perfect for me. He shares his life with me and lets me into his head. I never was into all the gushy romance cliche stuff and he's the same way, but at the same time he has those moments where he says just what I want to hear. And I know its healthy because we're not sitting around planning our wedding and naming our unborn children, we take our relationship one day at a time. I know that if we broke up tomorrow for some crazy reason that I wouldn't be ruined. I would be upset for loosing someone who has in the past year literally become my best friend, but I wouldn't be broken. Because I understand that I'm still young, that I have school to focus on, my career, my friends, and my family to fall back on. And I think that is one thing that I am proud of myself for. I had my life before rob, and it was MY life, I was independant and happy on my OWN, without a boyfriend, I wasnt even looking for a relationship and neither was he. It just happened. And I think that is why we are so happy, because we were happy on our own, so being together is like happy times two.
Secondly school. Ooh college, you are quite the rollercoaster. The first three weeks of my second year of college has been filled with ups and downs. The thing is, all my classes are easy, all of them I am confident I will end the semester with at least a B. All except one...anatomy. And to make matters worse anatomy is the one class that directly affects my placement into the nursing program next semester. They literally base your placement in the program based on how well you do in the class. Its not just one of those "oh as long as I get a C i'm fine classes", I need to excell at this class because I'm going to be compared to at least 100 other students in my place trying to get into the program. This is why I have the ups and downs. When I got to developmental psychology or english I feel like I have it all together, that I have this semester in the bank. But on the days I go to anatomy I have all these doubts in my head that I'm not good enough, that I can't do it, that I'm not cut out for this. I hate it. I hate those feelings. They make me want to give up. I guess when it all come down to it I just have to do my best, and if my best doesnt get me a spot into the nursing program than I move on from there. I spend way too much of my time worrying about next semester and next year and this and that, when really all I should be focused on is this semester and the classes I'm taking now. Always easier said than done I guess. But I am proud of myself in one aspect though, how much more responsible I am this year than the last. My first semester I totally slacked off, skipped classes, didn't study, and didn't take college seriously. A lot of it had to do with my work schedule, and also I was just coming out of highschool, a senior, where I did basically nothing all year and still made it out on top. I had the harsh realization that highschool was easy and college is not. Looking back at that semester I almost don't even recognize myself. There is no excuse for how poorly I did and I dont blame anyone but myself. But I've moved on from that, I mean the grades are still there, but I learned from it. I know that now I would never miss classes for small reasons, or put my friends or boyfriend before school work. I'm a year older and a whole year smarter.
I'm just trying to take life one day at a time. trying.