i gave my life and love to jesus.
I'm going to Texas at the end of December to visit a good friend.
i need out of this town.
no, wait . i need out of this country.
there are definitely worse places to be, but if i get out of here i will have felt i have done something for myself. And others I care about will have maybe done something with themselves.
and that will feel good.
I have been slacking, lacking, apathetic.
I feel like I have things I should be doing but all I do is wait for the time to pass.
Then I get tired of waiting.
I look at the craigslist for Portland and Athens and Vancouver and all these other places I imagine myself in.
I want to sit in the middle of a forest T. Roosevelt has reserved for me, and get leeches in the river. I don't want to have to shower everyday ( i don't shower everyday, but I don't want be expected to feel bad about it.)
I Want to be able to tell that guy on craigslist that I will give him the $100 for his accordion and take it to paris. But I don't even have that.
I feel like those around me have just as little hope about their futures, which is not uncommon but still a drag.
I am 2,000-3,000 greenbacks in the hole. I have little motivation to do my work at school (but i have been helping tons of kids get their photo projects done) I feel kind of like I'm being pulled in too many directions at once.
I found out yesterday that I have been chosen to be the godmother to a baby in the Philippines.
I am not sure why. And I don't believe in god. I'm full of Lies and Blasphemy. It feels like too much is being expected of me.
so, I may be going there (to the Philippines.)
Texas in December.
Canada in the Summer.
London for school next year?
I have the wanderlust bad.
and I can't even drive to fucking Tallahassee. Or New Orleans. Or anywhere that isn't a job or school.
I want to be sure of myself.
fuck
he's been so good to me, i can't stay anymore ...