(no subject)
So a fair amount's been going on in my life. Boys coming and going, and coming again. Shows opening and closing. Drama with my terrible, terrible supervisor (who has as of yesterday decided she doesn't want anything to do with me, so rather than reporting to her, I report to one of the company's higher-ups via biweekly reports, and he will report to her if I'm not completing the items on my "task sheet" for the next few weeks -- she's so lame). But I try not to let it consume me too much, and as today is my day off, I have tried my hardest to not think about the life drama and just spend a day being completely unproductive and downright grungy.
What *has* weighed on my mind today, however, is money troubles. I have $300-400 to pay back to my company before I leave here at the beginning of June, and I only get paid $100\week. Yes, that's $800 (as I get paid tomorrow), but what with gas and student loans, I'm cutting it close. This means basically I can't do anything other than work, sleep, and desperately hope to find some way to advertise my Etsy shop so that more people will buy things. That would be a plus, too, because it'd be less things to have to tote when I move. I'm going to Illinois for the summer, and I decided today I'm going to fly rather than drive (mostly because I just found out they'll buy me a plane ticket up there, but will only reimburse travel up to $150, not to mention the added expense of insurance, gas, tune-up before going, etc.). I daren't tell my family or anyone else about the money troubles because it's really a very stupid hole I've dug myself into, and I'm determined to pull myself out on my own. If it comes down to it, I have a very small savings that I've built up (erm... I don't spend state quarters, which means I have a mess of them) that I can cash in if I absolutely need to... but right now, it's sort of my very tiny unclaimed nest egg. It's like a savings bond, only without that great doubling-after-ten-years thing.
I'm still debating on ditching some of my craft supplies, but I don't want to waste my time and just get pennies on them. I decided to give away a lot of my random yarn, as a lot of it's novelty yarn that isn't so much popular anymore, but I've got a decent sized bag of it left to figure out what I'm going to do with (keep in mind, this is just what I have in Memphis; I've got BOXES more in my parents' house). I have a bunch of felting wool that I'm beginning to believe I'm never going to use. A bead loom that was a gift, and I also don't think I'm ever going to use. Bloom loom, duplicate knitting needles\crochet hooks, and all sorts of other things I've accumulated but really don't need. And yes, it's one of those things where I think "This would be so easy to get rid of", but then I remember that that's assuming I wouldn't get any money for them... when in theory I could make something out of them and get money for it (assuming, again, that I could manage to sell it).
I'm just so tired of being poor, and I can't just give things away because I need the money so bad. I think I need to call or send a note to the people who do the cruise ship entertainment and tell them I'd like to do another contract this fall. That is, if I don't hear back from a job I REALLY want soon. Even just a changeover would be a big help... but if I got a permanent contract and managed my money like I was stupid and didn't try to last time, then I could finish paying my students loans and possibly put aside a fair amount for those necessary things like taking care of my car, applying for grad school, maybe someday getting an apartment or maybe even a house.
I'm sorry if I sound totally mopey. I've been pretty down for a while now with momentary glimpses of happiness. I confessed to a man that I love him, and he confessed that he loves me back but refused to even date because I'm leaving, and that was when I had several months left here (when I haven't even had a stable relationship for more than a few months *ever*, leaving or no). I try to hold to those great moments when people who normally wouldn't speak to me go out of their way to tell me how fantastic my show looks, or when the boy is flirtier or more loving than he would normally be because I manage to catch him off-guard, or when I don't have to see my boss and possibly even get the chance to be outside longer than the walk to and from my car. My theory is that there's always something to smile about -- but it's a lot easier to believe that when you're in the happy-to-neutral range than when you're on the down side.
What *has* weighed on my mind today, however, is money troubles. I have $300-400 to pay back to my company before I leave here at the beginning of June, and I only get paid $100\week. Yes, that's $800 (as I get paid tomorrow), but what with gas and student loans, I'm cutting it close. This means basically I can't do anything other than work, sleep, and desperately hope to find some way to advertise my Etsy shop so that more people will buy things. That would be a plus, too, because it'd be less things to have to tote when I move. I'm going to Illinois for the summer, and I decided today I'm going to fly rather than drive (mostly because I just found out they'll buy me a plane ticket up there, but will only reimburse travel up to $150, not to mention the added expense of insurance, gas, tune-up before going, etc.). I daren't tell my family or anyone else about the money troubles because it's really a very stupid hole I've dug myself into, and I'm determined to pull myself out on my own. If it comes down to it, I have a very small savings that I've built up (erm... I don't spend state quarters, which means I have a mess of them) that I can cash in if I absolutely need to... but right now, it's sort of my very tiny unclaimed nest egg. It's like a savings bond, only without that great doubling-after-ten-years thing.
I'm still debating on ditching some of my craft supplies, but I don't want to waste my time and just get pennies on them. I decided to give away a lot of my random yarn, as a lot of it's novelty yarn that isn't so much popular anymore, but I've got a decent sized bag of it left to figure out what I'm going to do with (keep in mind, this is just what I have in Memphis; I've got BOXES more in my parents' house). I have a bunch of felting wool that I'm beginning to believe I'm never going to use. A bead loom that was a gift, and I also don't think I'm ever going to use. Bloom loom, duplicate knitting needles\crochet hooks, and all sorts of other things I've accumulated but really don't need. And yes, it's one of those things where I think "This would be so easy to get rid of", but then I remember that that's assuming I wouldn't get any money for them... when in theory I could make something out of them and get money for it (assuming, again, that I could manage to sell it).
I'm just so tired of being poor, and I can't just give things away because I need the money so bad. I think I need to call or send a note to the people who do the cruise ship entertainment and tell them I'd like to do another contract this fall. That is, if I don't hear back from a job I REALLY want soon. Even just a changeover would be a big help... but if I got a permanent contract and managed my money like I was stupid and didn't try to last time, then I could finish paying my students loans and possibly put aside a fair amount for those necessary things like taking care of my car, applying for grad school, maybe someday getting an apartment or maybe even a house.
I'm sorry if I sound totally mopey. I've been pretty down for a while now with momentary glimpses of happiness. I confessed to a man that I love him, and he confessed that he loves me back but refused to even date because I'm leaving, and that was when I had several months left here (when I haven't even had a stable relationship for more than a few months *ever*, leaving or no). I try to hold to those great moments when people who normally wouldn't speak to me go out of their way to tell me how fantastic my show looks, or when the boy is flirtier or more loving than he would normally be because I manage to catch him off-guard, or when I don't have to see my boss and possibly even get the chance to be outside longer than the walk to and from my car. My theory is that there's always something to smile about -- but it's a lot easier to believe that when you're in the happy-to-neutral range than when you're on the down side.