she must be slow
i.. cant believe my life anymore
i do not feel like myself.
my world was totally different a few weeks ago, a few days ago, yesterday.
i went to school. it was monday so i had class allll day
and i was very much looking forward to hanging out with.. a love interest.. that night, who was very skilled in taking my mind of jeremy without even trying. i had started seeing him after i came to the conclusion jeremy was moving on and i need not dwell on the negative thoughts i had about him.
i was very proud of myself for moving on and being excited and distracted instead of ridiculously distraught and whiny. very proud. my friends were proud.
after school, i went home, showered, went to a friends house, got decently intoxicated (white russians), and talked to jeremy once more for the day to play nice.
i then went to the love interests house and.. SPENT the night. turned my phone off.
it wasnt the first time i had SPENT time with him but the first time i stayed for the fun sleepy cuddly part. where you tell secrets and really get to know more than superficial things.
it was nice.
i got up when he got up, 6, and drove home.
when i turned my cell phone on i knew what id have to deal with
i never turn it off and it was a pretty clear signal to the world (jeremy) that i was doing things i dont need my cell phone on to do.
jeremy had flipped out and finally realized i was very much on the path of moving on and he was losing even more of me by the hour. minute.
so he decides to throw a fit alllllll day lonnnnngg and guilt trip me for moving on so quickly to which i responded with anger and guilt ridden remarks. i wanted him to know it wouldnt have happened if he hadnt left me like a fucking idiot. i didnt cheat on him once while dating him. thats alot of repressed feelings if you know who i am.
i left school.
that afternoon i was so physically sick, hungover, depressed, excited, everything. excited about this new person in my life. depressed about jeremys jealousy and late timing on wanting me back.
and then he asked if he could come over. he couldnt live without me.
i said yes. he came over with 3 dozen roses
and asked for me to take him back.
he cried.
apologizd. promised to change.
said hed quit his bar job which i despise
and re-prioritize his life to better fit our relationship
i couldnt say no. fuck me. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. fuck me.
i couldnt say no to the man. he was crying.
and just a few weeks ago none of this was going on and i loved him and..
i didnt have to make hard decisions like this.
and now im supposed to be happy and excited and so fucking cheerful that we got back together
and im just.
doubtful and nauseous and upset and vulnerable.
and i even hate myself a little for being so good at moving on.
i hope i made the right decision.
we'll see.
i do not feel like myself.
my world was totally different a few weeks ago, a few days ago, yesterday.
i went to school. it was monday so i had class allll day
and i was very much looking forward to hanging out with.. a love interest.. that night, who was very skilled in taking my mind of jeremy without even trying. i had started seeing him after i came to the conclusion jeremy was moving on and i need not dwell on the negative thoughts i had about him.
i was very proud of myself for moving on and being excited and distracted instead of ridiculously distraught and whiny. very proud. my friends were proud.
after school, i went home, showered, went to a friends house, got decently intoxicated (white russians), and talked to jeremy once more for the day to play nice.
i then went to the love interests house and.. SPENT the night. turned my phone off.
it wasnt the first time i had SPENT time with him but the first time i stayed for the fun sleepy cuddly part. where you tell secrets and really get to know more than superficial things.
it was nice.
i got up when he got up, 6, and drove home.
when i turned my cell phone on i knew what id have to deal with
i never turn it off and it was a pretty clear signal to the world (jeremy) that i was doing things i dont need my cell phone on to do.
jeremy had flipped out and finally realized i was very much on the path of moving on and he was losing even more of me by the hour. minute.
so he decides to throw a fit alllllll day lonnnnngg and guilt trip me for moving on so quickly to which i responded with anger and guilt ridden remarks. i wanted him to know it wouldnt have happened if he hadnt left me like a fucking idiot. i didnt cheat on him once while dating him. thats alot of repressed feelings if you know who i am.
i left school.
that afternoon i was so physically sick, hungover, depressed, excited, everything. excited about this new person in my life. depressed about jeremys jealousy and late timing on wanting me back.
and then he asked if he could come over. he couldnt live without me.
i said yes. he came over with 3 dozen roses
and asked for me to take him back.
he cried.
apologizd. promised to change.
said hed quit his bar job which i despise
and re-prioritize his life to better fit our relationship
i couldnt say no. fuck me. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. fuck me.
i couldnt say no to the man. he was crying.
and just a few weeks ago none of this was going on and i loved him and..
i didnt have to make hard decisions like this.
and now im supposed to be happy and excited and so fucking cheerful that we got back together
and im just.
doubtful and nauseous and upset and vulnerable.
and i even hate myself a little for being so good at moving on.
i hope i made the right decision.
we'll see.