if i find my way...how much will i find?
hm...it is really cold but it snowed.
i find this whole journal thing rediculous...possibly even childish. that we all think our thoughts worthy enough to be read by other people. that they should take time out of their busy schedules to read about my fabulous life, obviously.
in fact, you can stop reading now if you are still reading. i'm not gonna lie, i don't really read other people's entries, at least not unless they are short or especially filled with good gossip or something of the sort. haha. i just don't find other people's lives that vital or particularly interesting to read about. and others shouldn't feel my entries are all that amazing to spend their time reading (as i assume most already do feel this way.)
anyways, maybe i am just in general frustrated with humanity. people are constantly disappointing. i am ready to escape away to another place and another experience. this could be very dangerous thinking. as another place doesn't guarantee better. i want to come back here, i would miss it all too much to ever be able to leave for good, but a sabbatical would be much appreciated.
maybe it is more the anticipation of the unexperienced. the hope that accompanies the unknown. the excitement that anything can happen and the partial feeling that all my options here have already been exhausted. could it even be the possibility that i haven't yet found where i really belong? and this is part of that endless discovery? but if that is the reason, there is a very real chance that there just is nowhere i really do belong and i could lead a long fruitless chase for the rest of my life trying to find this supposed eden. and therefore would be better off just staying where i am. but then what hope could i hang my coat on every night if not the eventual escape to something better? and i know the answer anyone would give me at this point. i don't want the by the book answer. i don't want what i already know so deeply and i know will permeate me if only i seek, if only i stop running so far away. this is all just blameless banter that i can't find within me a final solution, words that maybe i am too afraid to tell someone to their face and, alas, this is where they belong. left swimming in the cyber world of incriptions and codes and passwords and lost people looking for lost propositions.
just as everything should be. vanity of all vanities.
i find this whole journal thing rediculous...possibly even childish. that we all think our thoughts worthy enough to be read by other people. that they should take time out of their busy schedules to read about my fabulous life, obviously.
in fact, you can stop reading now if you are still reading. i'm not gonna lie, i don't really read other people's entries, at least not unless they are short or especially filled with good gossip or something of the sort. haha. i just don't find other people's lives that vital or particularly interesting to read about. and others shouldn't feel my entries are all that amazing to spend their time reading (as i assume most already do feel this way.)
anyways, maybe i am just in general frustrated with humanity. people are constantly disappointing. i am ready to escape away to another place and another experience. this could be very dangerous thinking. as another place doesn't guarantee better. i want to come back here, i would miss it all too much to ever be able to leave for good, but a sabbatical would be much appreciated.
maybe it is more the anticipation of the unexperienced. the hope that accompanies the unknown. the excitement that anything can happen and the partial feeling that all my options here have already been exhausted. could it even be the possibility that i haven't yet found where i really belong? and this is part of that endless discovery? but if that is the reason, there is a very real chance that there just is nowhere i really do belong and i could lead a long fruitless chase for the rest of my life trying to find this supposed eden. and therefore would be better off just staying where i am. but then what hope could i hang my coat on every night if not the eventual escape to something better? and i know the answer anyone would give me at this point. i don't want the by the book answer. i don't want what i already know so deeply and i know will permeate me if only i seek, if only i stop running so far away. this is all just blameless banter that i can't find within me a final solution, words that maybe i am too afraid to tell someone to their face and, alas, this is where they belong. left swimming in the cyber world of incriptions and codes and passwords and lost people looking for lost propositions.
just as everything should be. vanity of all vanities.