(no subject)
January 17, 2014
Today I had my first past life regression experience. I’ve read a number of these accounts and they all seem to be more vivid than anything I experienced. Many accounts seem like it’s so vivid that the truth of them are undeniable. Others occur where the participant is skeptical but healing may happen or the participant may verify information on the past life details.
For me, it was vague enough that I may well question the veracity of what I experienced, possibly passing it off to imagination. I think, if I saw myself as a medieval woman, perhaps I’ve always been attracted to that era because of my past life. OR, perhaps I imagined it because I’ve always been attracted to that era. The thing is, if it heals, if it is powerful, if it provides insight, it is worthwhile. Sure, I take it with a grain of salt, but I’m not too worried about the truth or untruth of the details. Something happened that was powerful for me. I will describe it below.
I visited a woman who is not a trained therapist but is a hypnotist and a self-proclaimed psychic. I let her walk me through a regression. I got only a few vague images and my answers to her questions were primarily impressions rather than anything I saw. Importantly, she had instructed me to say the first thing that pops up for me, not to edit, censor or analyze. I did so and in some cases, details fleshed out as she questioned me.
Early, before she even took me to the time of a past life, I had the impression of an African American woman in fairly modern clothes. This is somewhat odd because the clothes look recent enough that I wonder if it was before I was born. I didn’t feel a personal connection as having been that woman. My hypnotist asked me to look at what I was wearing. I wasn’t sure if I was the woman or her friend. I was asked to look into a mirror. I got only a partial view, as if the mirror had been broken and I could only see the shard from my chin down. It wasn’t in recent America: rather the impression was of a white woman with long wavy dark hair in a medieval gown, mostly blue with yellow. The hypnotist wasn’t getting far with questions about the black woman but I mentioned the other woman and she questioned there.
She asked where the woman was and if she was happy among other questions. I didn’t feel an intimate connection as if it was me. I eventually came to the impression of the woman in a castle looking out of the window. In the nebulous background was probably a husband and a daughter. When she asked me about their identities, I thought the daughter might be my sister in the current life. I had no impression of the husband. I couldn’t see them. I said the woman was not happy; she felt trapped. Part of her life lesson was that we are not trapped, however. At the end of all this I got the impression of the black woman having 3 children and perhaps she also felt trapped by that life. I was thinking that this fit exactly with my very strong feelings of revulsion when I think of women’s lives in the past when they were almost forced to marry and live a life of idleness without inherent rights and opportunities. I noticed that the medieval woman, being in a castle would have been far more privileged than most people in the world with great luxuries, but she felt trapped by her life. When I watch period movies, the woman’s life seems absolutely abhorrent to me. Even in this life, being stuck with low income and children like many poor, single mothers seems absolutely stifling and gives me the urge to run.
So all this is a scene that’s in line with my current feelings, right? But if this is a memory, perhaps it is very closely linked to why I knew at a very young age that I had no interest in children. The thing that makes it the most real, however, is that I kept wanting to cry. And cry I did, whenever I thought of the scene, for the rest of my time there. If I just made up a scene, why would it keep making me cry? Even if it’s easily believable as a true memory, why was it striking such a cord that just the image caused tears to spring into my eyes again? As my hypnotist used the rest of the time talking to me about her spiritual ideas, the therapist in me attended to her and she didn’t seem to notice, realize or want to attend to my desire to explore why this scene was hitting me the way it was. Luckily, as a therapist, I’ve learned to do therapy on myself. So I listened to her until I could leave politely.
In my car, I again felt the urge to cry at the thought of that woman, gazing out the castle window to the green meadow and woods below and feeling trapped. I’ve felt trapped in this life by responsibilities, sure, but it wasn’t so painful. What was it? I closed my eyes and zeroed in on the scene. I thought, “I should be out there, riding horses, not cooped up in this castle.” After staying with that thought for a moment, a revelation hit me: he was out there. My love, Scott in this life. He was out there. He worked with the horses, yet I couldn’t be with him. I was trapped in a life with a faceless husband and my daughter. My daughter, who I believe may be Eve in this current life, who was cared for by a nanny as I mourned my situation. First, I felt the grief of looking out and not being with Scott and I cried, hard. The grief was palpable. He was out there, but not anymore. In this life I get to be with him. And I’m not trapped. I can do what I want with my life.
As the grief subsided, I thought about him, my love for him, the husband which seemed fine, just faceless. It seemed the woman was disconnected from her daughter as a result of her yearning to leave her life. She should’ve still been able to love her daughter, but she was distant. I wonder if that might be why Eve pushed me away in this life. Maybe she remembers the distance of her mother in that life, and was so hurt, that she backs away for fear of being hurt again.
I also remember thinking of something I said and thought often as a teenager: “You shouldn’t have children if you don’t want children.” As a teenager I was very angry at my mother on this principle, and for a while at my father as well. I believed my mother didn’t truly care and it was therefore wrong of her to have had us and she was weak willed not to have looked out for us. It was unfair to the children. What was this? Guilt? Anger at myself? I explored it and realized that no, it was anger at the situation, at the feeling the life was forced upon me. I felt trapped. Then I think I may have felt the same way as an African American woman with 3 children. I felt strongly that my spirit wanted to choose a life where I had the choice about children. I repeated this over and over in my mind. It feels deeply true.
These were the thoughts and mental exploration I had after the session while in the parking lot, crying in my car, and while driving home. I got to thinking again about Eve, and how I can use this to possibly forgive her, see her acting out of fear from a time when I deeply hurt her. I need to learn to forgive, let go. I know she is a beautiful soul, just as we all can be. Maybe she’s messing up in this life, but my judgments hurt me and her. I hope I can let go a lot more and love her without judging. I need to try.
I also had the feeling that my fear of doing what I truly want to do has greatly diminished. I started thinking very seriously about taking a hypnosis class online and opening my own business out here in Hawaii. I wonder how it will work financially, etc., etc., but I am not trapped. In this life I felt mostly trapped by career and money and responsibilities, but Scott told me he would rather I not work than be unhappy. (Not working generally makes me unhappy, though.) Perhaps I can start a business, get some clients. I can’t bill insurance as I’m not yet licensed, but with a hypnosis certification, I can charge a decent bit and I can still do therapy for cash. There don’t seem to be that many hypnotists on the island. The others I’ve seen aren’t therapists. I can offer both. I think that is of good value.
Maybe it can work. I don’t know much about running a business, being self-employed or any of this. I’m so excited to look into it now that I feel far less fear. If it doesn’t happen right away, perhaps it can happen after I finish the internship I’m about to take. I don’t have to rush it, but maybe I’ll decide to or maybe I’ll build it up while working full time. I’m going to do my best to ride my intuition. It’s always known better than my brain anyway.
Today I had my first past life regression experience. I’ve read a number of these accounts and they all seem to be more vivid than anything I experienced. Many accounts seem like it’s so vivid that the truth of them are undeniable. Others occur where the participant is skeptical but healing may happen or the participant may verify information on the past life details.
For me, it was vague enough that I may well question the veracity of what I experienced, possibly passing it off to imagination. I think, if I saw myself as a medieval woman, perhaps I’ve always been attracted to that era because of my past life. OR, perhaps I imagined it because I’ve always been attracted to that era. The thing is, if it heals, if it is powerful, if it provides insight, it is worthwhile. Sure, I take it with a grain of salt, but I’m not too worried about the truth or untruth of the details. Something happened that was powerful for me. I will describe it below.
I visited a woman who is not a trained therapist but is a hypnotist and a self-proclaimed psychic. I let her walk me through a regression. I got only a few vague images and my answers to her questions were primarily impressions rather than anything I saw. Importantly, she had instructed me to say the first thing that pops up for me, not to edit, censor or analyze. I did so and in some cases, details fleshed out as she questioned me.
Early, before she even took me to the time of a past life, I had the impression of an African American woman in fairly modern clothes. This is somewhat odd because the clothes look recent enough that I wonder if it was before I was born. I didn’t feel a personal connection as having been that woman. My hypnotist asked me to look at what I was wearing. I wasn’t sure if I was the woman or her friend. I was asked to look into a mirror. I got only a partial view, as if the mirror had been broken and I could only see the shard from my chin down. It wasn’t in recent America: rather the impression was of a white woman with long wavy dark hair in a medieval gown, mostly blue with yellow. The hypnotist wasn’t getting far with questions about the black woman but I mentioned the other woman and she questioned there.
She asked where the woman was and if she was happy among other questions. I didn’t feel an intimate connection as if it was me. I eventually came to the impression of the woman in a castle looking out of the window. In the nebulous background was probably a husband and a daughter. When she asked me about their identities, I thought the daughter might be my sister in the current life. I had no impression of the husband. I couldn’t see them. I said the woman was not happy; she felt trapped. Part of her life lesson was that we are not trapped, however. At the end of all this I got the impression of the black woman having 3 children and perhaps she also felt trapped by that life. I was thinking that this fit exactly with my very strong feelings of revulsion when I think of women’s lives in the past when they were almost forced to marry and live a life of idleness without inherent rights and opportunities. I noticed that the medieval woman, being in a castle would have been far more privileged than most people in the world with great luxuries, but she felt trapped by her life. When I watch period movies, the woman’s life seems absolutely abhorrent to me. Even in this life, being stuck with low income and children like many poor, single mothers seems absolutely stifling and gives me the urge to run.
So all this is a scene that’s in line with my current feelings, right? But if this is a memory, perhaps it is very closely linked to why I knew at a very young age that I had no interest in children. The thing that makes it the most real, however, is that I kept wanting to cry. And cry I did, whenever I thought of the scene, for the rest of my time there. If I just made up a scene, why would it keep making me cry? Even if it’s easily believable as a true memory, why was it striking such a cord that just the image caused tears to spring into my eyes again? As my hypnotist used the rest of the time talking to me about her spiritual ideas, the therapist in me attended to her and she didn’t seem to notice, realize or want to attend to my desire to explore why this scene was hitting me the way it was. Luckily, as a therapist, I’ve learned to do therapy on myself. So I listened to her until I could leave politely.
In my car, I again felt the urge to cry at the thought of that woman, gazing out the castle window to the green meadow and woods below and feeling trapped. I’ve felt trapped in this life by responsibilities, sure, but it wasn’t so painful. What was it? I closed my eyes and zeroed in on the scene. I thought, “I should be out there, riding horses, not cooped up in this castle.” After staying with that thought for a moment, a revelation hit me: he was out there. My love, Scott in this life. He was out there. He worked with the horses, yet I couldn’t be with him. I was trapped in a life with a faceless husband and my daughter. My daughter, who I believe may be Eve in this current life, who was cared for by a nanny as I mourned my situation. First, I felt the grief of looking out and not being with Scott and I cried, hard. The grief was palpable. He was out there, but not anymore. In this life I get to be with him. And I’m not trapped. I can do what I want with my life.
As the grief subsided, I thought about him, my love for him, the husband which seemed fine, just faceless. It seemed the woman was disconnected from her daughter as a result of her yearning to leave her life. She should’ve still been able to love her daughter, but she was distant. I wonder if that might be why Eve pushed me away in this life. Maybe she remembers the distance of her mother in that life, and was so hurt, that she backs away for fear of being hurt again.
I also remember thinking of something I said and thought often as a teenager: “You shouldn’t have children if you don’t want children.” As a teenager I was very angry at my mother on this principle, and for a while at my father as well. I believed my mother didn’t truly care and it was therefore wrong of her to have had us and she was weak willed not to have looked out for us. It was unfair to the children. What was this? Guilt? Anger at myself? I explored it and realized that no, it was anger at the situation, at the feeling the life was forced upon me. I felt trapped. Then I think I may have felt the same way as an African American woman with 3 children. I felt strongly that my spirit wanted to choose a life where I had the choice about children. I repeated this over and over in my mind. It feels deeply true.
These were the thoughts and mental exploration I had after the session while in the parking lot, crying in my car, and while driving home. I got to thinking again about Eve, and how I can use this to possibly forgive her, see her acting out of fear from a time when I deeply hurt her. I need to learn to forgive, let go. I know she is a beautiful soul, just as we all can be. Maybe she’s messing up in this life, but my judgments hurt me and her. I hope I can let go a lot more and love her without judging. I need to try.
I also had the feeling that my fear of doing what I truly want to do has greatly diminished. I started thinking very seriously about taking a hypnosis class online and opening my own business out here in Hawaii. I wonder how it will work financially, etc., etc., but I am not trapped. In this life I felt mostly trapped by career and money and responsibilities, but Scott told me he would rather I not work than be unhappy. (Not working generally makes me unhappy, though.) Perhaps I can start a business, get some clients. I can’t bill insurance as I’m not yet licensed, but with a hypnosis certification, I can charge a decent bit and I can still do therapy for cash. There don’t seem to be that many hypnotists on the island. The others I’ve seen aren’t therapists. I can offer both. I think that is of good value.
Maybe it can work. I don’t know much about running a business, being self-employed or any of this. I’m so excited to look into it now that I feel far less fear. If it doesn’t happen right away, perhaps it can happen after I finish the internship I’m about to take. I don’t have to rush it, but maybe I’ll decide to or maybe I’ll build it up while working full time. I’m going to do my best to ride my intuition. It’s always known better than my brain anyway.