Shyness spilling over [self-therapy]
I posted the following yesterday as a BLOG at Second Life Profiles:
Sometimes I seem to beat myself up for my own problems.
Lately I've been feeling increasingly depressed, sexually frustrated and isolated. It hasn't helped that my boarder (who also plays SL) has had his girlfriend staying at my place. Not that I fancy him or anything, but hearing the sounds of them screwing through the walls hasn't helped.
I have a certain degree of shyness that though I thought I'd overcome, just seems to come back with a vengeance. In RL I'm a trans woman (had my surgery over 7 years ago). While being trans isn't the single deciding factor in my life or identity (and yes, you DO move on after gender transition) sometimes that just acts as a barrier between me and other people. For some people, they just see the label and not the person.
In any case, partly because of that I tend to being shy and withdrawn around people I don't know, or in places and situations that I'm unfamiliar with. I have a tendency to get panic attacks in extreme situations. I know I need to overcome this, otherwise no matter what I achieve in RL, I'll be lacking that social and physical completeness.
When I discovered SL (via a friend on my LiveJournal blog) and after I got the hardware to be able to run it (as Elsie Broek), I was thrilled with the prospect of having a new social arena in which I could explore this. I've made a few friends in SL, some of which I know elsewhere. But I find the same things coming out in me as I do in RL - that overwhelming degree of shyness. The other night I decided to go to a club called "A Woman's Touch" (you'll find it in Places) and yet when I got there I just couldn't go in.
I think the best times I've had in SL are extended chats with friends. I love shopping and exploring, but you can only do so much of that without contact with others.
Does anyone else have problems like this in SL?
Now the funny thing was, that I gained an SL friend out of this. The problem though, still remains.