Fears [Therapy?]
It ocurs to me that the stuff happening to me lately (depression, forgetfulness, stupid stuff ups) seems to be feeding into my childhood/teenage fears - I had absolute fear of a) being institutionalised (which is why I didn't do my gender transition 20 years before I did); b) losing my mind; and c) losing my memory (as in althiemers).
Maybe that's just making all this crap worse. Isn't it better to face my fears rather than let them fester?
I don't know. I've been really scared lately, and more "random" than usual. Maybe my tendency to suppress and sublimate shit can only work for so long before it comes up to the surface, like some dead body weighted down with stones, in the middle of the lake...
...hmmm, don't know where that image came from. I thought that before I got upset by the wasted trip, that these self-therapy rants were making progress. Maybe lack of sleep just makes small upsets worse. Maybe like I said before, I need to "forgive myself", for just being me.
Maybe that's just making all this crap worse. Isn't it better to face my fears rather than let them fester?
I don't know. I've been really scared lately, and more "random" than usual. Maybe my tendency to suppress and sublimate shit can only work for so long before it comes up to the surface, like some dead body weighted down with stones, in the middle of the lake...
...hmmm, don't know where that image came from. I thought that before I got upset by the wasted trip, that these self-therapy rants were making progress. Maybe lack of sleep just makes small upsets worse. Maybe like I said before, I need to "forgive myself", for just being me.