Just the facts Ma'am
Ummm....yeah. It's time for the facts. I've attempted to ignore them...but I really can't any more. I am an optimist, so that helps, but here's the truth. I don't feel very good. I've tried not to talk about it because who wants to read 9,003 posts about someone not feeling good. However, the last few entries I've written have been forced out. They're not "me." Well they are "me" trying to pretend I'm not feeling badly. I don't really like to talk about it...but if the point of this journal is to let people know what's going on, then I suppose I should let you know what's going on...
I can't remember the last time I had a totally pain-free day. Some part of me is always hurting somewhere in my knees, hands, feet or back. It used to just be in the morning, but now my feet pretty much bother me all day and my hands are going in that direction as well. I went to a rheumatologist who examined me, took some blood and ordered X-rays. The blood test was to look for markers for Rheumatoid Arthritis/Lyme's Disease. She didn't really tell me what she thought it might be. I looked at the ICD9 numbers myself on the info sheet before I handed it to the receptionist to make my follow up. She indicated Osteo-arthritis. I do hope it is just that. But in the back of my mind I wonder about the fatigue I can't seem to shake lately, the occasional rashes, the waking up hot and sweaty in the middle of the night...When I actually dared venture over to an RA site I saw all of those things listed as possible symptoms.
The whole idea of RA, an autoimmune disease, sounds awful. This may sound crazy but I decided not to read further until I know for sure if it is RA or not. My usual course of action is to completely obsess over something like this and make myself crazy. But really, what's the point? It's also easy to find other causes for the symptoms...I'm a mom and I'm supposed to be tired. Maybe I just have dry skin. Maybe I wear to many clothes and use too many blankets at night time.
It's just hard because the kids are so young and so active and so full of life. I want to be able to do all sorts of things with them...take them for hikes...teach them to throw a football (yes both of them)...maybe even teach them to water ski some day. That all takes physical strength and stamina which seems to be leaving me at a somewhat alarming rate. It just sucks.
I try and fight it. I continue to do a light workout with weights every morning reasoning that if I keep the muscles around the joints strong it will lessen the stress on those joints. I take glucosamine every day which is supposed to help keep the joints limber. I pop up to four advil every 6 hours trying to stay on top of the pain if it gets bad. I keep going for walks every day thinking that staying in decent cardiovascular health isn't going to hurt. I drink lots of black tea knowing that it is loaded with anti-oxidants which are healing...does that mean I can eat more chocolate as well. Hmm...there's always a silver lining somewhere!
But it's always sort of there. What is this and will it get worse? It causes me to have a bit of depression as well. Not crushing lay in bed all day and do nothing kind of depression. Just that little sad puppy that kind of trails behind you all day. It doesn't ruin your day...but it does remind you that things aren't quite right. I return to the doctor on November 13. Hopefully she'll have some answers.
I would like to leave you with this story from yesterday. It has nothing to do with any of the above! As I was playing with the kids, Ana went under the art easel we have set up in a corner of the playroom (also her brother's room) and said, "Look mom. I in a bird house."
Being ever snarky I said, "Oooohh...does it smell bad?"
"Yes," she said as seriously as a two and half year old can be, "It smells like bird poop."
Isn't she fabulous?!
Laura
I can't remember the last time I had a totally pain-free day. Some part of me is always hurting somewhere in my knees, hands, feet or back. It used to just be in the morning, but now my feet pretty much bother me all day and my hands are going in that direction as well. I went to a rheumatologist who examined me, took some blood and ordered X-rays. The blood test was to look for markers for Rheumatoid Arthritis/Lyme's Disease. She didn't really tell me what she thought it might be. I looked at the ICD9 numbers myself on the info sheet before I handed it to the receptionist to make my follow up. She indicated Osteo-arthritis. I do hope it is just that. But in the back of my mind I wonder about the fatigue I can't seem to shake lately, the occasional rashes, the waking up hot and sweaty in the middle of the night...When I actually dared venture over to an RA site I saw all of those things listed as possible symptoms.
The whole idea of RA, an autoimmune disease, sounds awful. This may sound crazy but I decided not to read further until I know for sure if it is RA or not. My usual course of action is to completely obsess over something like this and make myself crazy. But really, what's the point? It's also easy to find other causes for the symptoms...I'm a mom and I'm supposed to be tired. Maybe I just have dry skin. Maybe I wear to many clothes and use too many blankets at night time.
It's just hard because the kids are so young and so active and so full of life. I want to be able to do all sorts of things with them...take them for hikes...teach them to throw a football (yes both of them)...maybe even teach them to water ski some day. That all takes physical strength and stamina which seems to be leaving me at a somewhat alarming rate. It just sucks.
I try and fight it. I continue to do a light workout with weights every morning reasoning that if I keep the muscles around the joints strong it will lessen the stress on those joints. I take glucosamine every day which is supposed to help keep the joints limber. I pop up to four advil every 6 hours trying to stay on top of the pain if it gets bad. I keep going for walks every day thinking that staying in decent cardiovascular health isn't going to hurt. I drink lots of black tea knowing that it is loaded with anti-oxidants which are healing...does that mean I can eat more chocolate as well. Hmm...there's always a silver lining somewhere!
But it's always sort of there. What is this and will it get worse? It causes me to have a bit of depression as well. Not crushing lay in bed all day and do nothing kind of depression. Just that little sad puppy that kind of trails behind you all day. It doesn't ruin your day...but it does remind you that things aren't quite right. I return to the doctor on November 13. Hopefully she'll have some answers.
I would like to leave you with this story from yesterday. It has nothing to do with any of the above! As I was playing with the kids, Ana went under the art easel we have set up in a corner of the playroom (also her brother's room) and said, "Look mom. I in a bird house."
Being ever snarky I said, "Oooohh...does it smell bad?"
"Yes," she said as seriously as a two and half year old can be, "It smells like bird poop."
Isn't she fabulous?!
Laura