TM 239. Hair
OOC: This contains spoilers for season four of Battlestar Galactica up to Escape Velocity.
She stood looking at herself in the mirror. Contemplating herself.
It had been such a long time since she had really, truly looked at herself with the intention of honestly seeing. The wig Tory had brought over lay on the other side of the sink. She hadn't looked at it since Tory brought it over. She knew that Tory had been nervous about the wig. It was neither the correct color nor the correct texture. She wasn't sure how it would look on her and she was more frightened of seeing it than she'd ever been of anything.
She had waited until Bill was in the middle of his shift in CIC. The air around the two of them was still just a little awkward. Neither of them were angry at each other, but the cruel words they had hurled at each other couldn't just disappear. She knew that there was a good chance that everything would be forgotten instantly if she would tell him what she was about to do.
Her hand stilled on the sink, still touching the scissors. He would want to be here with her in this moment. If she was being honest with herself, she honestly knew it was why Bill had invited her to stay in his quarters during her treatment. She had accepted, knowing that he needed to be doing something for her.
I've asked Lee Adama to consider filling the Caprican space at the table. I know what you're going to say, but there's no way he'll be accepted back as Galactica's CAG and we can keep an eye on him if we keep him close.
She knew the words were a lie as soon as they came out of her Vice-President's mouth. Far too weary to start considering what Tom's angle was, she had simply agreed. There were already rumors circulating about the soon-to-be-named Caprican delegate and it wouldn't do for it to appear that she was holding a grudge.
She picked up the scissors resolutely.
You're afraid you might not be the dying leader you think you are. That your death will be just as meaningless-
Not fair. She had started it.
She took a sizeable lock of hair in her hand and brought it to her nose, sniffing appreciatively. It would be the last time.
There were too many things she couldn't control anymore. She didn't have the strength. She couldn't go back and stop Tom from offering that Caprican seat and she couldn't make Bill face the reality of her approaching death. She couldn't just will her hair to stop falling out.
But she could stop it from falling out. By shaving it herself. This much she could control.
She told herself that the ache in her heart was the physical reality of the tumor. She'd felt it before, after all.
President Laura Roslin
Battlestar Galactica 2003
452 words