i hate change
Its so weird... i havent been on the computer since thursday nite... wow... ok, so.
Friday night i saw WICKED, and anyone who does not see WICKED is crazy. WICKED was soooooooooooo unbe-fucking-lievable, i cant even explain... just... omg.
Saturday night i went to Arins, where we then went to the subway station 2 wait for Jordan and Chris to come, then we went to the movie theatre, then to the movie store (we rented "Grind" (the guys wanted it)) and then we went bak 2 arins. later, mel came over also, which was SO amazing cuz i havent seen her since my bday (nov 30), and shes my fukkin best friend. so eventually jordan n chris went home, n we went 2 a pizza place n me n mel were like "ya, we dont have ne money... can we have free pizza?" but the guy sed no, so we started talkin 2 these guy in grade 9, tryin 2 get money off of them... but it didnt work... so then we went bak 2 rins, then watched the girl next door... then mel left... then i left...
something i noticed though... my best friends have changed so much... and i really dont like it.
Chloe (our ex-best friend that moved to Montreal): We havent spoken to her since february 18th, 2004. over 1 year ago. all because she sed that 1 of us was a "bad influence." i miss her... but its too late to try and rebuild a friendship... ive alredy tried... but she blames the entire fight on me, when NONE of it is my fault...
Arin: the main change thats obvious to everyone is that she lost weight, and thats such an inspiration to me... but she just seems different to me... not very different, and definitely not bad different, but different...
Melanie: omg... i barely know her anymore... i wont get into detail at all, due to many different reasons... but i hate evrything that happened to her, and it kills me to see what shes going through... i hate it...
I feel so distant from my best friends... i wish it was still like before... when none of this had happened yet... i cant accept the fact that this is what its come to, and i actually burst into tears today just by thinking about it... i had no one to call... no one to talk to... i cant exactly talk to my rents bout this... but i just had this sentence going over and over in my head, and i couldnt get it out... it kills me to think about everything thats happening... i feel like i have no one to talk to about this... no one understands it at all, and no matter how much i try to explain, no one will understand exactly how i feel... and i cant talk to them about it, cuz if i do then theyll practically ditch me... this is the first time i feel like i cant talk to them about a problem, and it kills me... so basically im gonna be keeping everything bottled up inside until i get over it...
- Laur -