when the smoke clears
days like this i'm glad god made certain plants grow to make the time pass by quicker.
something really fucking strange happened the other night. i realized what a dumbass i've been and how much time i've wasted. it's like every choice i've made led to another shitty choice that led to me sitting here wishing i had a time machine. thinking about how "oh i was high" was a good excuse for a long time until it stopped working on me and then stopped working on people that got sick of dealing with me only makes me frustrated. i like getting blunted so fuck it but it's cost me everything i love. chelsey was my heart and it makes me sad to think about what i gave up in one impatient move. my mom's family is back on my side again which is a good thing but the fact is that if i were sober they'd hate me again just like they did all those months when i'd call them on their shit but now i'm pseudo retarded and they reward me for it. the more i drink the less i think and the less i think the better my life is and for once that's not all in my head and that's awesome and scary at the same fucking time. if i weren't so god damned selfish i'd have someone to share my happiness with but even as it is the only girls that will give me any are weird girls that i wouldn't date. i got a hole of katie for a while but she started fuckig her boyfriend midway through the conversation and she didn't hang up and i was drinking so it took me a while to figure out what was going on. it's really fucked up that being single is the most miserable thing that could have ever happened to me. fuck the spring, fall is when love is really in the air. i woke up all happy and shit today but before too long a video that made me think about all the happy times i used to have with chelsey came on and eventually it made me spark up a blunt and get back in bed because it's all i could do to keep from crying like a bitch. little things fuck up my whole day. i always swear off drugs until i remember that i've got something to do that requires me not acting like a total fucked up spaz. i stole whiskey from the liquor store for just that reason but i forgot that every other time i did it i had someone else's car so i had to run two miles with this big fucking arab chasing me. i used to sound smart when i wrote stuff but drugs ate my brain and commas are gay. the person i am would kick the person you thought i was' ass. we all know how this fairy tale is gonna end.
something really fucking strange happened the other night. i realized what a dumbass i've been and how much time i've wasted. it's like every choice i've made led to another shitty choice that led to me sitting here wishing i had a time machine. thinking about how "oh i was high" was a good excuse for a long time until it stopped working on me and then stopped working on people that got sick of dealing with me only makes me frustrated. i like getting blunted so fuck it but it's cost me everything i love. chelsey was my heart and it makes me sad to think about what i gave up in one impatient move. my mom's family is back on my side again which is a good thing but the fact is that if i were sober they'd hate me again just like they did all those months when i'd call them on their shit but now i'm pseudo retarded and they reward me for it. the more i drink the less i think and the less i think the better my life is and for once that's not all in my head and that's awesome and scary at the same fucking time. if i weren't so god damned selfish i'd have someone to share my happiness with but even as it is the only girls that will give me any are weird girls that i wouldn't date. i got a hole of katie for a while but she started fuckig her boyfriend midway through the conversation and she didn't hang up and i was drinking so it took me a while to figure out what was going on. it's really fucked up that being single is the most miserable thing that could have ever happened to me. fuck the spring, fall is when love is really in the air. i woke up all happy and shit today but before too long a video that made me think about all the happy times i used to have with chelsey came on and eventually it made me spark up a blunt and get back in bed because it's all i could do to keep from crying like a bitch. little things fuck up my whole day. i always swear off drugs until i remember that i've got something to do that requires me not acting like a total fucked up spaz. i stole whiskey from the liquor store for just that reason but i forgot that every other time i did it i had someone else's car so i had to run two miles with this big fucking arab chasing me. i used to sound smart when i wrote stuff but drugs ate my brain and commas are gay. the person i am would kick the person you thought i was' ass. we all know how this fairy tale is gonna end.