FUCK YOU CHELSEY FOR DEFINING MY EXISTENCE
Happy Fourth of July. Having acknowledged a patriotic day means that I've mixed alcohol and xanax once again. I managed to get a pretty decent nod going but no matter how hard I try I can't stop thinking about the fact that Chelsey's probably drinking right now and that she drank before and lied to me about it. I can go a few minutes without thinking about it and then out of nowhere I feel like throwing something through a window. I'm finally at the end of my rope as far as stupid bullshit is concerned. I can't take being lied to and mistreated anymore. I know "love" isn't supposed to be easy but it shouldn't be so difficult that I can't focus on anything else without being crushed by some mean bitch that can't find it in herself not to treat her boyfriend like shit. This is seriously the last time I'm ever going to try to make this relationship work because I'm done trying to convince her how much she means to me only to have her bitch and whine about not being able to trust me and then having it all blow up in my face when I find out later on that it's her that I shouldn't trust. That's why I cheat. That's why I drink. Because it lets me forget that I'm treading uphill trying to make something work with someone who won't try anymore. We broke up and got back together again today and I'm really hoping that whether we stay together or not this is the last time. I don't think I mean that but it's nice to know that at least part of me doesn't want to be led around on a short leash by someone that's a btch to me all the time AGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH fUCK THIS SHIT
no more whining.
I hung out with Zack on Friday and we saw Spiderman 2 which was a good movie but I didn't see the first one so I don't know if I missed anything. Either way it was tight to hang out with Zack for the first time in over a year. It was cool because I didn't feel awkward around him the way I did with everyone else on the planet. Later on I saw The Notebook with Chelsey and that was actually a lot of fun. I didn't get to spend anywhere near enough time with her but it was nice even if it was a girl type movie. I ended up smoking weed and falling asleep near Lake Maggiore and getting picked up by the cops and brought home. It was kinda cool because it was the same cop that came to my house when I was drunk in October.
I don't remember Saturday at all except that I fell asleep when I was supposed to call Chelsey and I felt bad about it when I woke up.
Today's been nothing but a fucking hassle. Same old make up/break up shit that I swear I'm never gonna go through again. I'm just afraid to grow a backbone because I know that if I finally just broke up with her for good I'd regret it. I'd much rather be unhappy with someone I love than happy without her. It's so fucking sick but I don't know what else to do.
Is anyone else really excited that Ma$e said "fuck church" and decided to be a rapper again? I'm looking forward to that album again. But I watch old milf chick porn so my taste is kinda suspect.
no more whining.
I hung out with Zack on Friday and we saw Spiderman 2 which was a good movie but I didn't see the first one so I don't know if I missed anything. Either way it was tight to hang out with Zack for the first time in over a year. It was cool because I didn't feel awkward around him the way I did with everyone else on the planet. Later on I saw The Notebook with Chelsey and that was actually a lot of fun. I didn't get to spend anywhere near enough time with her but it was nice even if it was a girl type movie. I ended up smoking weed and falling asleep near Lake Maggiore and getting picked up by the cops and brought home. It was kinda cool because it was the same cop that came to my house when I was drunk in October.
I don't remember Saturday at all except that I fell asleep when I was supposed to call Chelsey and I felt bad about it when I woke up.
Today's been nothing but a fucking hassle. Same old make up/break up shit that I swear I'm never gonna go through again. I'm just afraid to grow a backbone because I know that if I finally just broke up with her for good I'd regret it. I'd much rather be unhappy with someone I love than happy without her. It's so fucking sick but I don't know what else to do.
Is anyone else really excited that Ma$e said "fuck church" and decided to be a rapper again? I'm looking forward to that album again. But I watch old milf chick porn so my taste is kinda suspect.