South Park: "The Lie That You Adore" (Craig/Tweek) CHAPTER 2
Title: The Lie That You Adore
Chapter: Two
Fandom: South Park
Characters/Pairings: Craig/Tweek, Craig Tucker, Tweek Tweak, Token Black, Clyde Donovan
Rating: PG-13
Narrative: Craig's POV, first person
Genre: Romance
Length: 2 chapters so far
Warnings: Slash
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: I do not own South Park
Author's Note: Part 2.
Summary: Craig overhears Tweek's secret one night at a sleepover, and he can't understand it at all. He must have misunderstood... right? Part 2.
CHAPTER TWO
It became a habit after that night, lying. I lie to Tweek everyday. Everyday I keep my mouth shut, I lie. Everyday I pretend I do not notice him staring at me, I lie. Everyday. And it is easy.
I almost wish it is a lot harder to lie to Tweek. I almost wish that I had a burning urge to tell him everything, to reveal his secret to him again. Yet it is effortless. He would come to me in the morning at school, and we go to class together. Easy. We talk like we always do. Easy. We go to lunch together. Easy. The end of school. Easy.
Now, the weekly sleepovers, they have gotten a lot more interesting. I quickly realised that Tweek and Token talk about me every time. It is kind of flattering, that I am such a pressing issue. Then again, it also hurts. Tweek would get frantic all the time, and cry most of the nights. I curse myself for causing him so much pain. If I knew what I was doing to make him hurt so much, I’d stop. Logically, though, it isn’t something I can control. Yet, it is strange how little the mind thinks logically.
The eavesdropping quickly became a habit of mine. I never sleep at the sleepovers any more. Tweek sometimes panics when he notices the bags under my eyes, and he exclaims that the school is to blame and declares revenge against it, much to mine and Clyde’s amusement. It was something else I noticed though. Often, whenever I interact with Tweek, ruffle his hair as I always do, talk to him directly, Token glares at me. Just for a moment. Then he would compose himself again. It is getting pretty damn annoying. Yet, I can’t say anything to him without revealing I had listened to all their conversations.
I learn more each week. It turns out that Tweek had first began to realise he liked me after Mr Garrison took us all to Mexico one day. We thought it was just a field trip; it had turned out that Mr Garrison just wanted to verbally abuse the Mexicans - he was in need of yelling at someone, since he couldn’t do it to gays anymore. That day had been ridiculous; Cartman had taken the opportunity to try and obtain all of the Mexicans to be his slaves, or something. We’d all got wrapped up in it, and by the end of the day Cartman had killed ten Mexicans and had one to call his slave, which some Mexican politician had agreed to give him if he left the country and never returned. This also resulted in each and every one of us being banned from entering Mexico. I fucking hate Cartman. All of that, just so Mr Garrison could get rid of some pent-up aggression. Underneath all that, I had tried to remember what else had happened that day that would cause Tweek to declare that the day he realised he liked me. After some long thinking, I remembered that Mr Garrison had made us all get into pairs and hold hands so we wouldn’t get lost. Like that was our biggest problem. I had been partnered with Tweek - I guess that must have been it. I knew that field trip was all a big mistake. Now I can’t ever go to Mexico and one of my male friends has a crush on me.
A point there, none of us could fathom why Mr Garrison was still our teacher. We’d had him since the third grade, and here we were, about seven years later, and he’s still with us. He can’t teach at all, and he obviously hates the job and all of us. No one remembers him joining the high school, even. The entire class, apart from Kyle and Wendy, that is, has accepted that we’re all going to be failures under his teaching. Never mind, I never saw a lot of potential in most of us academically anyway.
Therefore, we were all unsurprised when Mr Garrison followed us again at the start of this new school year. Tweek and I sat together in class again. I was surprised at the lack of awkwardness between us; it was just as it had always been. We exchanged a few words, and then sat in class, in our own states of boredom, until we joined with Clyde and Token again at lunch. It was comfortable, not awkward at all. Until, one day at lunch, Clyde was being more of a douche than usual. Unintentionally, I’m sure, but still.
We all sat down with our food, me next to Clyde and across from Tweek, when Clyde began to grin from ear to ear.
“Guess what, guys!” He exclaimed. I think his outburst really startled Tweek; he nearly fell out of his seat. I stabbed aimlessly at my food with a fork - how were we expected to eat this crap? All of us miss Chef’s cooking - it isn’t the same here.
“What is it?” Token asked, not sounding the least bit interested. When I looked up, Tweek was the only one who actually seemed to care to what Clyde was going to say.
“I’m going out with Bebe!” That raised our heads. Bebe had become unobtainable recently - we all thought it was because she hung out with Wendy too much. She got into all this empowerment shit; it was really fucking annoying, since almost every guy here is obsessed with her breasts. I have to admit, she does have a pretty great rack.
“How’d you manage that?” I asked. Clyde seemed pleased he’d got our attention; his grin seemed to get broader.
“I know how to get her. If you’ve forgotten, I have dated her twice.” He stated, proudly.
“As you keep reminding us.” Token sighed.
“Anyway, I asked Red what kind of shoes Bebe really wants - Bebe always wants more shoes - and even though Red resisted, she eventually gave in when I offered to buy her a pair too.”
“Godammit Clyde, you’ve got to stop buying shoes for girls.” I stated. Clyde did not seem to be deterred.
“So, when I bought them for her, Bebe was so excited that she had to give in - she is also psyched that I know her so well!”
“Except that you don’t.” Token muttered.
“Yes, but she thinks I do, which is what matters.” Clyde winked at me. I rolled my eyes.
“Clyde, you’re such an asshole.” I flipped him off, to which he laughed.
“Anyway, now that my love life is secure, I can focus on all of you!” He stated happily.
“Oh, noticed us? Pried your eyes away from Bebe long enough?” Token asked dryly.
“Shut it, guys. I meant, what’s going on with all of your love lives?” We all looked round as Tweek’s fork fell on the floor quite loudly. Thankfully, Clyde seemed to think nothing of it, but I distracted him just in case.
“Clyde, don’t be such a pussy. Don’t ask us that.” I said as I flipped him the birdie again.
“Well, Craig’s obviously a faggot since he refuses to tell me. Tweek, what about you?” Clyde grinned mischievously. This time, Tweek really did fall out of his chair. I have to admit, I laughed along with Clyde. It was a pretty funny sight. Token just glared at the pair of us while helping Tweek back up. After Clyde had got his breath back, he turned back to Tweek.
“That bad, huh? So go on, who is it you like?” Clyde seemed to be persisting. I turned round to Tweek, to see if he was going to say something, and almost backed out of my seat myself. He was staring right at me. It was pretty fucking intimidating, to tell the truth. I really thought he was going to say it. His eyes were locked with mine; and I could see everything he wanted to say. He was being damn obvious. All I could do was look away from his gaze and hope to hell he would turn away too. Thankfully, Token, our saviour, suddenly spoke up.
“I was thinking of asking Wendy out again.” He forced out. I raised my eyebrow at him. Last time he was with Wendy, he just wanted to get rid of her. I didn’t argue though - he was saving mine and Tweek’s lives. I’m bloody grateful that Clyde is so damn oblivious really, probably anyone else would have figured it out when Tweek stared at me like that. Clyde’s attention was quickly diverted to Token.
“Really? You should definitely go for it, bro.” He stated excitedly. He was acting like a girl, honestly. Tweek spoke up then, voice shaking like hell, but in an effort to assure that he wasn’t hiding, I suppose.
“I-I thought she was, um, still with Stan.” He stuttered. Clyde was silent for a second, and then he turned and put a hand on Token’s shoulder.
“I think she is, dude.” He said, and he actually sounded somewhat fucking depressed about it. “I’m sorry.”
“Oh, really?” Token put on his best surprised tone. “That’s a shame.”
The rest of the lunch went by without event. Clyde would enthuse away to Token, while Tweek would make poor efforts to join in the conversation, while I sat in silence and left the table with no food eaten. I had been so worried then - I really thought that Tweek was just going to come out and say it, in front of everyone. The way he’d looked at me… there was a yearning in those eyes like I’d never seen. After seeing that… well… it had made the entire situation all the more real. He really does like me. Why, though? Token’s a lot nicer to him than I am. I don’t think I am especially attractive; there are other guys here more so than I am, I’m sure. I don’t look at them in that way, so I wouldn’t know. I’m not really good at anything. I am kind of an asshole, as even Token and Clyde tell me. I can’t see anything particularly desirable about me.
Why would someone like Tweek like me? I can see what makes him attractive, when I look at him, which I had started to do recently. He has a good jaw-line, and when his eyes aren’t spazzing closed, they are a pretty nice chocolate brown. I had always wondered why he’d never had a girlfriend. I know he’s odd, and bizarre, but he’s a good kid. He’s good-hearted, sweet and funny. I guess not a lot of people can see that. I wouldn’t have seen it myself if Token hadn’t forced me to talk to him, all those years ago. So what is a guy like Tweek, kind of attractive and nice, although strange, doing fancying a guy like me? An asshole. I think, then, was the moment I decided that I was going to make more of an effort with Tweek. Not because he fancied me, or any other shit like that, but because he’s a good guy, he’s my friend despite I all, and he deserves at least some effort on my part.
After that day, I began my ‘be-nice-to-Tweek’ mission. I started by buying him a coffee. Nice and simple to begin with. He seemed surprised but pleased all the same, so that was a success. However, my next step had been to go over to his coffee house spontaneously one day while he was at work, and offer that he could stay at my house, just him and me, and watch some movies or something. That had been a step too far too fast, I’m sure. I think I nearly killed him; he just started spazzing out in the middle of the store. He scared the shit out of his customers. Tweek starting blurting out some babbling shit, and I made out a few words, like my own name and “kill me”, “plot”, and “no witnesses”. I suppose I had been too keen, really. Anyone would be suspicious, and apparently Tweek had conceived an entire murder plot. Mr Tweak had stormed in then; he’d taken his son, threw me out with a glare and closed the store. I had pretty much screwed that one up. However, it wasn’t a total waste. I had fun listening to Tweek telling Token the entire event through his eyes at the next sleepover. Tweek’s ideas of what was actually going on amused me to no end, but it did make me realise that I have to be a bit more careful next time.
My campaign hits another huge snag, though. I am finding it difficult to be alone with him. Therefore, a lot of my efforts are in front of Clyde and Token, which cause Token to raise an eyebrow but say nothing, and Clyde to call me a fag, and Tweek to blush. I figured, if Tweek was embarrassed by it in front of those guys, then it was a wasted effort really. I suppose that it would be best to just try to be alone with him. It is difficult though. I isn’t awkward between us; it is just awkward in my head. Whenever he would be damn nice to me, like he does often be - especially when Token isn’t around to give him reproachful looks - I feel so guilty. I’ve come so close to telling him so many times that I can’t even remember now.
I suppose I could save a lot of time and hurt by just saying it. I can never bring myself to do it, though, so me and Tweek just carry on like normal. What would I say to him though? I can’t just say I know, and then leave it at that. Tweek would want to know how I felt. How do I feel? I’m not gay - I’m sure of that. I don’t mind that Tweek likes me, it’s flattering really, but it just confuses me. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to understand why he likes me, but he does. That’s an inescapable fact. I think, I could just tell Tweek that I accept it but I’m sorry, I’m not like that? That would be sensible, I suppose, but whenever I think about saying that…I just get this image. It’s his face. He has a soft smile on his face, looking up at me in admiration as he does sometimes, especially when he thinks I’m not looking, and then I hear my words, as if coming from someone else’s mouth, and his face…it just falls. The smile contorts, the eyes droop at the corners, his gaze falls to the floor…and then he just… cries. I can’t do that to him. From his conversations with Token, it doesn’t sound like he expects me to feel the same, but still… I don’t know what to do. I sometimes just think that I should wait for him - if he wants me to know, then he’ll tell me. I can act surprised. Am I that good of an actor? It would be lying again. Aren’t I doing enough of that already? Every time I think I hit on a solution, I counter it. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to voluntarily tell Tweek what I heard, because I don’t know to what extent I’ve come to terms with it myself. How can I understand? I just don’t. I don’t get how it is possible for him to like me. If I don’t understand, then I can’t tell him. I often say that to myself, and then I think ‘that’s a load of bullshit’. Which it is, really. I don’t think I’m strong enough to just tell him. Tweek is showing no signs of telling me either, though. Both of us are too cowardly to say anything. Which is something we have in common, finally, I guess. However, in the back of my head, I know that the longer we leave it, the more of an issue it becomes. We are on a collision course with no brake pedal.