Fic: Failure to Communicate

[laughter_now]

Title: Failure to Communicate (1/1)
Author: laughter_now
Rating: NC-17
Wordcount: 12.977 words - seriously, I don't know how that happened!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the bare hints at a plot that might appear in this story somewhere.
Summary: Sleep is a necessary human function. However, as Jim is about to find out, there are certain situations when it's not advisable to fall asleep. Like for example, right in the middle of a seduction...
Answer to this prompt at the buckleup_meme.

Nyota's words didn't stop ringing in his head even long after she left. No matter how much he tried to focus on the paperwork on the PADD in front of him, the words blurred into meaningless gibberish until he finally pushed the PADD away with a frustrated groan. He wasn't going to get anything else done today, he knew that. Besides, it was nearing the end of his shift anyway, and the paperwork could wait another day or two. Hell, it could wait for another week or two and nobody was going to complain. He had only tried to use it as a valid reason not to have to confront Jim.

Just talk to him.

Yeah. Easy for Nyota to say because she wasn't the one who had to actually look into those incredibly blue eyes and face the fact that quite possibly their relationship was on a steep decline.

He tried to find something else to occupy himself with, but Medical was unexpectedly empty and Christine was levelling him with that particular brand of glare again, and Leonard had to realize that there was nothing else he could do to stall. He'd have to go home.

And damn if that didn't feel reminiscent of the last months of his marriage to Jocelyn when he had dreaded to go home because he could feel that something was wrong beyond redemption, and staying at work for as long as he could meant he didn't have to confront that issue.

Leonard didn't dawdle, and he didn't make any detours on his way to their quarters, but he most certainly didn't hurry, either. But still, the door to their quarters appeared in front of him in what felt like no time at all. For just a moment, he hesitated before he drew a deep breath, punched in his access code and entered the room.

Jim was home.

Of course he was, Leonard scolded himself inwardly. He was on alpha shift rotation for the next two weeks, and on-call for beta shift. On that shift rotation he always tried to finish up whatever work was left towards the end of beta shift in their own quarters, if at all possible.

So really, even though Leonard had secretly hoped that Jim might still be on the Bridge or in his Ready Room, he really wasn't surprised to find that Jim was home.

He was sitting at the large desk they shared, but as Leonard entered the rooms he immediately put down the PADD and pushed his chair away from the desk. He remained silent, though, which in itself was very unusual. Leonard didn't quite know what to say, either.

"Hey."

Of all the things he could have said, that was probably the lamest one on the entire list. Jim didn't respond to the greeting. He rubbed his hands over his face, but when he looked up, despite the obvious fatigue in his expression, the overwhelming emotion on his face was frustration, mixed with anger and, unless Leonard was much mistaken, hurt.

Leonard drew a deep breath and tried to steel himself, because he sure as hell wasn't ready for the conversation that was about to happen.

"No paperwork keeping you busy in Medical until the middle of gamma shift today?"

There was snark in Jim's voice, and a clear provocation, but Leonard was too tired, rubbed too raw emotionally to care. He sank down in the nearest armchair and leaned his head into his hand. He didn't answer Jim's question, though, because he knew it wasn't the kind of question Jim had asked in expectation of an answer.

The next question, however, left no room for doubt as to whether Jim expected it answered. He most certainly did.

"What the hell is wrong, Bones?"

The response was automatic, almost a reflex. "Noth…"

Jim cut in before he could even finish the word.

"Don't you even think about telling me that nothing's wrong, Leonard! For the past three days, you've gone out of your way to avoid me. Hell, the way you were doing your best to not even be in the same room as me, it's a small wonder you still slept in our bed. You've been pulling double shifts in Medical even though there was no good reason for it, and you didn't even insist on checking up on me at least once or twice a day like you normally do after I get hurt, so don't you dare go ahead and tell me that nothing is wrong!"

Maybe it was the fact that Jim was angry when by all rights Leonard thought that was his privilege in this messed up situation. Or maybe it was the use of his given name, a name that hardly ever crossed Jim's lips when they weren't making official introductions, and never when they were alone. To Jim, Leonard had always been Bones, and over the past years that name had somehow become a part of his identity, even though it hadn't even been a conscious process. It felt strange to suddenly hear Jim call him anything but Bones.

"What the hell do you want to hear, Jim?" Leonard snarled right back.

"I want to hear what the hell is wrong, for fuck's sake! Don't you think I've been wracking my brain for the past days trying to figure out what put you in that mood? Because I did, and call me an insensitive bastard for not figuring it out, but I didn't! I have no idea what the hell is bugging you, and if you think I screwed something up then I simply don't get it!" Jim got up from his chair and started pacing up and down in front of the desk, one hand buried in his hair as he gestured wildly with the other. He had worked himself up in a state, and somehow the sight of this overrode Leonard's fatigue and only served to fuel his own indignant anger.

"Don't strain yourself, Jim. If you haven't figured it out on your own by now, I guess it's just not important enough to bother you."

Leonard barely recognized the ice in his own voice, but the thought that Jim still had no idea why Leonard wasn't so much angry as he was hurt only increased the pain. And damn it, he wasn't a damsel in distress who needed the strong hero to swoop in an save the day. But maybe he had hoped for Jim to be at least a little more emphatic to his feelings by now.

"Don't give me that crap, Bones! One moment everything was just fine, and now you won't even let me touch you!"

"What for, so that you can fall asleep on me again?"

It was out before Leonard knew it, no conscious involvement of his brain at all.

Crap.

For a moment, Jim stared at him in stunned silence, incomprehension clearly written on his face. And somehow Leonard knew, with an aching clarity, that if Jim didn't understand what his problem was now, it meant that something was truly damaged between them, and he simply hadn't noticed it until the realization had been unavoidable.

For a moment it all hung in the balance and Leonard barely dared to breathe. Jim looked at him, as if catching up on all the eye contact Leonard hadn't allowed over the past days, and Leonard could see all the anger evaporate from those incredible blue eyes.

"God, I did, didn't I?" Jim said with a sigh, running his hand over his face. It was no relief, but for some reason Leonard couldn't name it was important that Jim got it, that he had finally caught up on what the problem was. Yet at the same time, it made Leonard feel incredibly stupid. This was how hormone-driven teenagers who knew nothing about life and love acted, not grown men for crying out loud.

A symptom, not the cause. That's what it had to be, after all. It wasn't about Jim falling asleep as much as it was about what else seemed to be wrong with their relationship. Hell if he knew what that was, though.

"Damn it Bones, that's what this is all about? That I fell asleep?"

Yes.

And no.

And damn it, was his brain degenerating right along with his behaviour? What was going to be next, was he going to start sprouting acne again?

"It's about the fact that apparently you didn't seem the slightest bit interested in having sex with me!"

Leonard was standing now, too, though he didn't even remember getting up.

"I was injured!" Jim spread his arms wide for a moment as if that could somehow convey his point, then he buried them in his short hair. "Just hours before, I had a gaping hole in my side. Normally that's reason enough for you to keep me confined to Medical, not an incentive for sex!"

"Yes, and normally whenever you go out and get hurt on one of your fool missions, you're running so high on adrenaline that you can't wait to get into my pants!"

"What, first you keep stabbing me with hyposprays, then you complain because they make me fall asleep?"

"Those were antibiotics and not sedatives! Antibiotics don't make you fall asleep, for crying out loud!"

They were standing just a foot or two apart and yelling at each other, and for a second Leonard realized how ridiculous this was. Jim and him weren't like that. They didn't have many serious fights, and they especially didn't have those kinds of fights. Only, apparently they did.

As if he was having the same thoughts, Jim seemed to fold a little in on himself, the fight draining out of him with the next exhale. His shoulders sagged with the lessening tension and he ran a hand through his hair with a sigh.

"Listen Bones, I'm sorry, okay? I don't even really remember falling asleep. All I remember is that the pain was gone, I was comfortable and warm and you were there, and I guess I must have drifted off. I'm sorry if that interrupted any of your plans for that night, but it's not like I did it on purpose. I really don't want us to fight about this."

"You really think that's what this is all about?"

Jim seemed shell-shocked at that statement, as if Leonard had pulled the firm ground he finally believed himself to be on out from under his feet.

"Then what? What the hell is this about, Bones, because I really don't understand it anymore."

Leonard shook his head, cursing his mouth for running away with him yet again. But things were already screwed up, so he could as well see things through to the end. Maybe it was like ripping off an old-fashioned band-aid, and it was going to hurt less if he just got it over and done with. He didn't really believe it, but this whole conversation was so far up the creek already, his only comfort was that if this was going to mark the end of his relationship with Jim, at least this time around it was going to be him who brought it on.

Nobody to blame but himself this time around.

"All I'm saying is that you can't have been that impressed by my attempts to seduce you if you fell asleep before I even got started."

Jim's blue eyes widened impossibly, but Leonard forced himself to look away.

"Bones, it was an absolute shit-fest of a day, I really don't think…"

"And I get it, really." Leonard interrupted without really listening. He needed to get this out in the open once and for all, or else he was never going to work up the courage to save the two of them a lot of grief in the future. "I'm not getting younger, and it was only a matter or time before it caught up with us."

"Bones…"

"I understand it. I mean, you need someone who can keep up with you, someone as young and sensual as you are, and not someone as old and dull as me. And that's okay. I mean, it's not okay, but it was probably inevitable, and in the long run it might even turn out to be good that it happened now…"

"Bones!"

"We had a great time, and it's not like this is easy, but if you face the facts you'll have to realize that you're probably better off with someone who can give you what you needs, someone your age who won't grow old before you do."

"Bones!"

The touch to his arms felt like an electric current, but Jim gripped his biceps hard and didn't let go even as Leonard took a startled step back. Jim shook him slightly and Leonard clamped his lips together to stop the flow of words. Jim remained silent, though, until Leonard couldn't stand it anymore and hesitantly looked up. The blue eyes that were looking at him from mere inches away were wide with confusion and also, inexplicably, pain.

Almost reluctantly, Jim let go of one of Leonard's arms and brought his hand up to cup Leonard's cheek. It took all of his resolve not to lean into the touch and forget about everything he had just said.

"Bones, what's going on? Where is all that coming from?"

Leonard averted his eyes and tried to shrug out of Jim's grip, but the other man's hold on him was firm.

"Jim…"

It sounded pleading, but Leonard couldn't help it. It was one thing to finally lay it all out for Jim, but he didn't think he could stand it if Jim wanted to take his words apart.

"Bones, I fell asleep once. It shouldn't have happened, but it did, and I'm sorry about it. But it was one time. That doesn't mean that anything's wrong, or that you're too old or…dull for me. I have no idea where all this is coming from all of a sudden."

Finally Leonard managed to pull his arm our of Jim's grip and he took a step back immediately. But Jim was right there, in his personal space, and didn't leave him a chance to withdraw. God, why did he have to make this so difficult? Jim was like a force of gravity all of his own, and this close it was almost impossible to resist his pull.

"I thought we were good. Tell me I didn't have that wrong, Bones. Tell me I didn't miss something this big for so long."

Leonard shook his head. "We…it won't stay that way, Jim. It never does. In the long run, I can't be what you need."

Jim took a step back. "How do you know that, Bones? Why do you think you know what I'm going to think a few months or years down the line?"

Leonard swallowed against the tight feeling in his throat. "Not like I haven't been there before, kid."

For the first time, calling Jim that didn't feel like a tease, or an endearment, but like a verdict. If possible, the gaping chasm in his chest started to hurt even more.

"Jocelyn."

It wasn't a question, and Leonard shook his head as if that could somehow keep Jim from talking. He should really know better by now. If there was one thing he knew, then that it took a lot more than that to make the other man shut up.

"Jim…"

"Is that what she told you? That you were too dull? Too…unimaginative in bed? Is that the kind of crap she fed you?"

Leonard was still shaking his head, and refused to meet Jim's eyes. Jim accepted that for maybe a couple of seconds, then he was back right in front of him, gently turning his chin with his hand until Leonard had no choice but to finally look at him.

"I'm not Jocelyn, Bones."

He nearly laughed. "Trust me, I know that."

But Jim didn't smile, and if anything the expression in his eyes hardened a little.

"Apparently you don't. I don't know what happened between her and you, and I'm probably not an expert on marriage. But you told me that there were good times between you, too. Maybe you should think about those when you're dragging up the things she might have said to hurt you once things were no longer working out."

"Listen Jim, let's just forget…"

"No. No. We're not just going to forget about this, because you've been acting like an ass for the past three days, and I'm not going to stop until you get it into that thick skull of yours that you worked yourself into this state without a damn reason. There's nothing wrong with the way you are, Bones. There's nothing lacking at all about our sex life."

He was shaking his head again, a movement he couldn't have stopped if his life depended on it.

"Not yet, maybe. But I'm not getting any younger."

"Neither am I!" Jim's hands were on his shoulders now, their touch normally warm and soothing but now seemed to burn through the fabric of his uniform shirt. Leonard was tempted, sorely tempted, to just drop his head to Jim's shoulder and give in to his exhaustion, but he didn't dare to move.

"Six years, Bones. You're six years older than me, not a couple of decades. Six damn years. They haven't been a problem until now, and they sure as hell will matter less and less the older the two of us get. Or do you think that once I'm eighty, old and grey, I'm going to care whether you're eighty-six, eighty-two or seventy-eight? I don't give a damn, and it definitely never mattered when we were in bed. What, do you think I was faking it all those times that we had sex?"

Leonard was still too distracted by the touch of Jim's hands against his shoulders to really respond to the question. Of course he didn't think Jim had pretended anything, but that didn't mean it wasn't going to happen at some point down the road.

Apparently though, Jim wasn't content to let that statement stand without reinforcing it. His grip on Leonard's shoulders tightened, and the sudden press of lips against his own was as surprising as it was invigorating and reassuring, a feeling of coming home. It was a firm kiss, quick but not any less determined, and even though Jim withdrew as quickly as he had approached, he remained close, just withdrawing enough to focus on Leonard.

"I love you, you jackass. And that means I love the grumpy doctor who never hesitates to kick my ass when I need it just as much as I love the beautiful man who can reduce me to a quivering mess with the way he touches me. I love all of you, and if there was anything in this relationship that wasn't working out, you have to trust me that I'd let you know."

Leonard didn't quite know what to say. Jim sounded sincere. Hell, Leonard didn't doubt for one second that Jim was sincere. He didn't say those words often, and definitely not as often at once as he had just done. Of course Jim was sincere; of course he meant what he said. But that could change, and if there was one thing his marriage had taught Leonard, then that those changes could sneak up stealthily in all their overwhelming force.

"Stop that!" Jim shook him by the shoulders, not forcefully, but strong enough to tear him out of those thoughts. "Stop thinking about what could possibly happen in the future and just trust me, okay? You're not old, you're definitely not dull, or boring or whatever else attributes you've given yourself over those past three days while you were brooding instead of just slapping me over the head for falling asleep while you were trying to seduce me. I would have definitely earned it, though I have to say I think I've been punished hard enough for that by now."

Leonard felt his eyebrow rise up on his forehead. "You've been punished?"

The small, tentative smile on Jim's face grew wider, and there was a gleam in his eyes that Leonard knew all too well as Jim took half a step forward, back into Leonard's personal space.

"Oh, I'd say I most definitely have been punished. Not only did I miss out on what I'm sure would have been great sex, admittedly through my own mistake. But you barely touched me for three days, Bones. Worse, you didn't even kiss me." Jim was so close now that his breath fanned warmly over Leonard's lips, and his hands were resting on Leonard's shoulders, no longer holding him but resting there as if waiting for permission to move.

"You haven't kissed me for three days, Bones," Jim repeated. "I'm pretty sure that's a punishment. A pretty harsh one at that. I'm not sure, but it might even qualify as a crime."

This time, Leonard couldn't stop the smile from sneaking its way to his lips. "A crime, huh? Of course that's unacceptable."

Suddenly, it seemed like the most natural thing to lean forward and close those few inches of space between them, finally pressing his lips against Jim's. Jim made a small sound in the back of his throat and leaned into him as if this was the permission he had been waiting for. His hands were roaming over Leonard's back as his lips yielded and opened up to Leonard.

Maybe Leonard was a bit of an idiot. Not so much for thinking what he had thought, but for brooding about it for days on end when he should have just come to Jim to get his ass kicked for being an idiot. Apparently he had forgotten that Jim wasn't the only one in this relationship who occasionally needed that.

"Three days," Jim rasped as they broke apart for air and he mouthed a wet trail down the side of Leonard's jaw and throat, "is definitely too long."

Leonard was busy enjoying the attention Jim bestowed upon his neck, and was admittedly mildly distracted by the way his own fingers had wormed their way underneath Jim's shirt, but once the words registered he had to agree. It had definitely been too long, and it hadn't been Jim's fault.

"I'm sorry." It was accompanied by a small moan as Jim sucked on that spot right underneath his jaw.

"Don't be." Suddenly, those incredible blue eyes were directly in his line of vision again, looking at him intently. "Just talk to me the next time you're about to make decisions about the future of this relationship, okay?"

He wanted to reply, he really did, but coherent thought was a difficult thing to achieve when Jim was sucking and nibbling on his neck again while trying to move them towards the bedroom at the same time. Coordinating hand and feet and mouth at the same time was nearly impossible, and Leonard decided he'd rather keep his mouth shut - or tracing the shell of Jim's ear, as it was - than fall flat on his face. He'd just have to keep in mind that he owed Jim an answer to that particular rhetoric question.

How they managed to tumble onto the bed in a tangle of limbs without knocking each other bruised and bloody with knees or elbows would probably forever remain a mystery to Leonard, but right now there was Jim, and Jim was pulling off his shirt, and there was no way in hell he was going to keep trying to solve unimportant mysteries in the light of that.

He shrugged out of his own shirt as quickly as he could, regretting every second that he had to break eye-contact. Jim was all warm skin against him as he pressed Leonard back into the mattress, his mouth seeking out Leonard's hungrily. Leonard ran his hands down Jim's back, fingers seeking out the dip of his spine. The immediate response was a low moan breathed into his mouth as his fingers ran along Jim's spine, and he smiled into the kiss. He had taken great care to learn everything there was to know about Jim's body, and not for medical reasons.

"The things you do to me," Jim panted as they broke apart. "You don't even know…"

He shook his head as if he didn't know how to continue with words, and instead leaned down for another hungry kiss. He was lying half atop of Leonard, straddling one of his legs and rubbing himself slowly against Leonard's left thigh. Leonard was still running his fingers tantalizingly over the sensitive skin on Jim's back, following the curve of his spine down to the small of his back and up towards his shoulder blades again. He lifted his left leg just a tad, pressing the heel of his foot into the mattress, and Jim broke the kiss, threw his head back and moaned loudly at the increased pressure.

"Bones…"

With a chuckle Leonard flipped them over. It was a move they had practiced a thousand times in the gym, but it was only ever in bed, when Jim was sufficiently aroused and distracted, that Leonard managed to pull it off without so much as a trace of resistance from the other man.

Before Jim even had the chance to process the change in position, Leonard leaned over Jim, rendered breathless for a second by the sight of Jim below him, eyes-half closed, hair mussed and lips parted around his panted breaths. He loved Jim like this, loved how responsive Jim was to every touch and caress. He was writhing on the mattress as Leonard started to tease one of his nipples, gently caressing it with his tongue only to bite down on it, just this side of painful, and blue eyes that were blown wide and almost black with arousal flew open and a strangled moan broke free past those full lips.

"Like that, don't you darlin'?"

Jim only moaned in response, and his breathing hitched as Leonard leaned over and repeated the motion with the other nipple. He had always been a fan of synchrony, and judged by the sounds Jim was making he appreciated the effort. Leonard would have loved to draw this out for much longer, but Jim was right - three days without so much as a kiss was a long time, and how the hell could he have been so stupid in the first place? But he was going to make up for it, starting right now.

His hands found the fastenings of Jim's pants blindly, and he undid button and zipper as fast as he could. One should think that a species that sent people to space and dissolved their atoms regularly without making a fuss about it would have found a quicker way to undo a pair of pants by now, but he was working with what he had, over-eager fingers and a squirming man beneath him included. Jim canted his hips up with an impatient sound, and Leonard pulled uniform pants and briefs down in one movement.

It was a struggle to get the pants off since Jim was still wearing his boots, and it wasn't made any easier by the fact that Leonard was somewhat transfixed by the sight of Jim's cock, hardening as it nestled against his belly. But somehow they must have managed - though again Leonard couldn't for the life of him tell how the hell it had happened - because Jim spread his legs, his hands clenching in the sheets by his hips, blunt nails digging into the fabric.

"Bones…please…"

Leonard knew what Jim wanted. He always did, or at least had thought so until he had started worrying about one thing his mind had blown way out of proportion. It wouldn't be the first time he had to realize that he wasn't exactly the most emphatic person for the finer nuances at all times.

But this here, right now, was obvious, and there was no shred of doubt as to what Jim wanted. What he needed, if the quivering of the muscles in his thighs as he tried to spread his legs even wider was any indication.

Leonard smiled and leaned down, running a teasing fingertip along Jim's length from the root to the tip. Jim's immediate response was to rut his hips, a movement halfway between pulling away and pushing into the tentative contact, and the garbled sound that escaped his throat was as frustrated as it was pleading. Leonard wasn't going to tease, though, not tonight. He followed the path his finger had taken with his tongue, and Jim's whimper turned into a loud groan as he wrapped his lips around the head.

Jim loved being on the receiving end of this kind of attention, and his hands clenched helplessly against the sheet for a few moments before he tangled them in Leonard's hair. He didn't push, but Leonard knew it wasn't going to take long until Jim grew impatient. He slowly lowered his head, taking Jim in as far as he could.

He loved this probably just as much as Jim did, if for different reasons. He loved the feeling of Jim's cock against his tongue, hot and pulsing as he grew even harder under those ministrations. He loved the feel and the taste of Jim, heavy and heady with a slightly salty tang against his tongue. More than that, he loved what this simple act was doing to Jim, how it was able to reduce him to a moaning, incoherent mess if Leonard really set his mind to it. But tonight wasn't the night to take Jim apart like that. Maybe later, but for now, Leonard had different plans.

He bopped his head up and down once more, teasing Jim's most sensitive spots with his tongue before he straightened up and reluctantly let the cock slip from his lips. Jim moaned, in protest this time, and half-heartedly tried to push Leonard's head back. But Leonard was undeterred and slowly kissed his way up Jim's chest, over his throat and the stubble on his chin until he reached Jim's lips and pressed his own against them greedily.

The kiss lacked any finesse; it was all about tongues and teeth, about tasting and possessing, but it was right in its single-mindedness.

"I love you," Leonard panted, barely having pulled back enough to speak. But suddenly there was nothing more important than letting Jim know.

Jim just smiled at him and pressed another kiss against his lips.

"I know. And I love you. Even if you're acting like an idiot."

His hands ran down Leonard's sides as he spoke, and Leonard couldn't suppress the small shudder that ran through him as the fingers skirted across a ticklish spot below his ribs, only to stop at the waistband of the pants Leonard was still wearing. Jim pried open the button, but Leonard beat him to opening the zipper and pulling down the pants. He was already too far gone, if Jim touched him now they wouldn't get much farther.

"We need lube."

If he hadn't been so sure that he had just spoken, Leonard wouldn't have recognized the raspy voice as his own. Jim remained where he was for a moment, as if he had to remember how to move first. But then he rolled over as quickly as he could and started to rummage around in the bedside table. Leonard took that time to shrug out of his pants and briefs and kick them off along with his boots and socks. He barely had the time to drop them to the floor before he found himself with an armful of warm and naked Jim pressing him into the mattress. Leonard pulled Jim down in another open-mouthed kiss, gasping as their cocks touched without any barriers of fabric in between.

Leonard squirmed underneath the other man, breaking their kiss just enough to rasp out his next words.

"You might wanna hurry, Jim."

Jim laughed, a sound Leonard was never going to tire of, and started kissing his way down Leonard's chest and stomach. "Patience, Bones." He chuckled again, and by now he had progressed so far down that his breath was fanning tantalizingly over Leonard's hard and straining cock. Seeing the shudder that ran through Leonard's body at the almost-contact, Jim grinned and blew another breath over Leonard's cock, firmer this time and more deliberate.

Leonard let his head drop back into the pillow with a groan.

"If you continue like that, all the patience in the world isn't going to help me anymore."

Jim laughed again and his hand ran over Leonard's thigh, parting his legs with a gentle but firm touch.

"Bossy," Jim smirked, the amusement evident in his voice. Leonard wanted to lift his head to glare at Jim and was just contemplating whether it was worth the effort when there was the sound of a plastic cap being torn open hurriedly, and a few moments later there was a gentle touch to his entrance. Leonard sighed and let his legs fall open wider.

"Jim…"

A warm hand settled on his thigh. "So gorgeous," Jim whispered as he slid a second finger into Leonard alongside the first. "Do you know what you're doing to me, Bones? Do you know how hard it makes me to see you lying there like that, to know that the way you're flushed and hard and panting, all that is for me? Because of me?"

The fingers inside him moved, sought and found his prostate with well-practiced moves, and Leonard felt his fingers dig into the mattress as his vision blackened for a second.

"Jim, damn it, I need…I…"

"I know," Jim whispered, and suddenly the fingers were gone, and Jim was right there again, kissing him tenderly on the lips. "I know."

Leonard watched, barely able to contain his anticipation as Jim picked up the lube again and slicked himself up. From the way he was biting his lip and gripped the base of his cock tightly, he was just as aroused as Leonard was. It had been too long, long enough that Leonard was beginning to feel starved for Jim's touch. He knew that the last couple of days must have been impossibly harder on Jim, who needed human touch like he needed air to breathe.

He drew breath to say something, though he had no idea what - maybe to apologize again - but Jim kissed him again before he could bring out a single sound.

As he felt Jim push against his entrance, he let his legs fall open wider, hands stroking down Jim's back and towards his hips to pull him closer. Most other times, he preferred it if Jim took him from behind - or bent over whatever surface was available. There was just something about the angle, and the way Jim felt inside of him in that position. But right now, he needed to feel as much of Jim as possible, his weight atop of him, skin sliding on sweat-slick skin as Jim slowly eased into him.

"Move, Jim." He canted his hips up almost desperately, trying to get Jim to finally start moving inside of him.

"As I said," Jim chuckled. "Bossy."

But he did start moving before Leonard could think up a suitable threat, and Leonard quickly lost himself in the feeling of Jim sliding in and out of him. From this angle, he didn't hit Leonard's prostate as much as Leonard might have wanted him to, but the warm, slick hand that wrapped around his achingly hard cock more than made up for it.

"So hard for me," Jim panted, running his thumb over the head of Leonard's cock. "I love it when you get like this, Bones. When you're almost begging for me to touch you."

Right now, Leonard couldn't understand where Jim took the energy or coherency from to speak in full sentences while he was moving into him again and again, but he tossed his head to the side and bared his throat to Jim who immediately latched onto it, biting and sucking on the skin there.

"Don't ever think you have to change, Bones. Don't."

He had known, of course, but it was good to hear it, especially in a moment like this when he knew that Jim didn't have any of his usual defences up.
Beyond words, he pulled Jim down into a lingering kiss, one which he hoped was able to convey everything he felt but wasn't able to say out loud. Jim kissed back, and the speed of his thrusts increased. Something tightened in Leonard's belly at the sight of Jim above him, flushed and panting, eyes blown wide with lust, lost in complete abandon. Leonard ran his hands along the line of Jim's spine again, fingers finding all of Jim's sensitive spots blindly, and for the first time since this whole mess started Leonard stopped thinking, and simply felt.

Nothing mattered but this here, right now, and the fact that Jim still wanted him like this and he was a complete idiot for ever thinking otherwise.

His orgasm hit him out of the blue. He had been skirting the edge for a little while now, but hadn't been aware that he was that close. Yet all it took was one forceful thrust that was angled just right and the tightening of Jim's hand around his cock as his thumb skirted over the head, and he came all over Jim's hand with a startled shout. He felt himself tighten around Jim as he rode out his climax, and if possible it felt even fuller, even more intense as Jim thrust into him another couple of times before his back stiffened and he came with a groan, his teeth clamping down on the skin of Leonard's shoulder almost automatically.

"God, Bones…"

For a few moments they lay like that, Jim a boneless heap atop of him. But even boneless, Jim was by no means a light man, and Leonard carefully tried to rearrange them so that he could at least breathe freely. Jim withdrew with a small sound of protest, but curled up against Leonard's chest with a content sigh nevertheless. Any lesser man might call it cuddling, but Leonard liked his balls accounted for and firmly attached where they were, so he kept these moments of post-coital bliss unlabelled in his head. Instead, he shifted his arm under Jim's shoulder and pulled him closer.

Jim shifted against him, blue eyes blinking tiredly.

"We good?"

He didn't even have to think about it. "Other than me being a giant idiot, we're good."

Jim smiled and nuzzled his face back into the crook of Leonard's neck. "That's okay," he sighed. "I kinda love this giant idiot."

That brought a smile to Leonard's face and he closed his eyes, and he would have been content to just drift off, but then he remembered something Jim had said earlier.

"Did you mean it?"

"Huh?" Jim already sounded half-asleep. "Mean what?"

"What you said earlier. That…you know, about how when you're old and grey you still won't care if I'm a bit older and greyer?"

Jim huffed out a laugh. "Of course I did." He lifted his head from its position against Leonard's chest. "What, you didn't think I mean it?"

"No. It's just…it's good to hear it, is all."

Jim looked at him for a few long moments, his head cocked to the side. He ran a hand along Leonard's cheek and then settled back into his earlier position with his head resting against Leonard's chest. His fingers were tracing gentle patterns against Leonard's skin.

"Good. You better believe it, too. Dunno yet where I'll end up a couple of decades down the road, but I'm not going anywhere without you." He shimmied along the mattress, trying to find the one perfect sleeping position. "And now shut up, Bones. You're ruining the afterglow."

Leonard laughed and pulled Jim a little closer. "Okay, okay. I'll shut up so that you can sleep."

"Sleep," Jim agreed, his voice already drifting off. "Then a shower. And food. And more sex."

They might have to reconsider the order, Leonard thought as he closed his eyes and melted into the feeling of Jim pressed up against him. But other than that, it was a plan.

The End

Thanks for reading. As always, please let me know what you think. Thanks a lot.