An actual update...
Ok, so I haven't written an entry since the end of January and I feel like this writing thing may be theraputic for me. To catch you up on the last 4 months... minus 2 credits, I am a junior in college (so weird), I am still in the college of education, I am a member of the Fall Retreat Team for MSU's Catholic Church "Youth Group" (I use these " " because it technically is not considered a youth group, but in a large sense is) I am in the process of finding another job for Fall semester, I miss singing like crazy and am considering trying out for Ladies First or Capital Green since my schedule will not allow me to be in STATE singers (the best co-ed choir at State) Umm... I am working at Kid's Camp again this summer and am getting another job to save up for a house next fall and a laptop. I am taking an online class this summer because like I wrote earlier, I am 2 credits short of being at Junior status (56 credits) and if i don't have at least 56 credits, then i get kicked out of the college of education.... so this is why i am taking this class. I loathe my Math202 instructor with all of my being and i hope to never see him again, because if i do... it may be ugly. There is more that has happened, but i really don't feel like thinking that in depth about it... If i forgot something important, i'll add it in later.
So, I am sick right now for the 3rd time this year (2006). I have swollen glands, a stuffy nose, and a cough. I know it's probably nothing more than a cold, but it is really irritating. You see, I was planning on running in the Dexter - Ann Arbor Run next Sunday (June 4).but because of this illness, I am losing days of running and don't know if i will be well enough to run... ugh. I remember when I looked forward to being sick... now it's just a pain in my rear end. I am drinking a lot of liquids though and taking some medication... so hopefully it will go away soon.
So I have been attempting to discern.. to figure out what my true vocation in life is supposed to be. It's so hard for me to really focus on it though, because I am afraid of what the outcome of this may be. I have never been able to see myself as a nun for obvious reasons (I want the husband, the kids, the house, the dog, the job... the works), but also because I have never really agreed with the way nuns live their lives. I believe that men AND women should be able to be Priests. If women could be Priests, my perception of living the religious life may be different. As of right now though, being a nun does not suit my beliefs or my personality and if God wanted me to be a nun, he would not have raised me to be this open minded or liberal...when I say liberal... I mean that I am not as conservative as a "true" catholic should be.... I'm a moderate. And I'm not making excuses for myself.. saying that I should not be nun because I don't feel like it.... it's just that I don't have the passion that a nun should have. I am not psyching myself out... i'll keep figuring new things out each day.
The one other thing that I wanted to write about is something that I have been having issues with for some time... it's my personality and how it is perceived. I am a very sarcastic person; I have been that way for as long as I can remember. The difference between my sarcasm then and now though is that people before could tell when I was kidding and when I was being serious... I don't mean to be rude or bitchy.... it's just that since high school, people that i befriended were, in many ways, a lot more cynical then my close friends in high school were (and for the record... I am not saying that all of the friends that i made post high school were cynical.. but there certainly was more than before) It saddens me that my sarcasm as gotten to the point where my closest friend puts a defensive barrier up because she has no idea when i am kidding and when i am not. I guess a main reason why i am this way is because it's easier to be mean to people you think care about you, because only the strongest will stay your friend. I have had self esteem issues forever... and by being "the bitch" I guard myself from being hurt...
I don't know if any of that made sense, but it sort of enlightened me on my struggle to be sincere.... I AM WORKING ON IT. I am not as mean as I was my freshman year of college. I have built my personality to its highest bitchiness point and I think it's time to bring it back down. You have to be patient with me and understand that I am trying and will continue to try, but you need to give me some slack. I don't mean baby me... but be the better person.
OK I think I have said enough for now.
Good day.. or night
So, I am sick right now for the 3rd time this year (2006). I have swollen glands, a stuffy nose, and a cough. I know it's probably nothing more than a cold, but it is really irritating. You see, I was planning on running in the Dexter - Ann Arbor Run next Sunday (June 4).but because of this illness, I am losing days of running and don't know if i will be well enough to run... ugh. I remember when I looked forward to being sick... now it's just a pain in my rear end. I am drinking a lot of liquids though and taking some medication... so hopefully it will go away soon.
So I have been attempting to discern.. to figure out what my true vocation in life is supposed to be. It's so hard for me to really focus on it though, because I am afraid of what the outcome of this may be. I have never been able to see myself as a nun for obvious reasons (I want the husband, the kids, the house, the dog, the job... the works), but also because I have never really agreed with the way nuns live their lives. I believe that men AND women should be able to be Priests. If women could be Priests, my perception of living the religious life may be different. As of right now though, being a nun does not suit my beliefs or my personality and if God wanted me to be a nun, he would not have raised me to be this open minded or liberal...when I say liberal... I mean that I am not as conservative as a "true" catholic should be.... I'm a moderate. And I'm not making excuses for myself.. saying that I should not be nun because I don't feel like it.... it's just that I don't have the passion that a nun should have. I am not psyching myself out... i'll keep figuring new things out each day.
The one other thing that I wanted to write about is something that I have been having issues with for some time... it's my personality and how it is perceived. I am a very sarcastic person; I have been that way for as long as I can remember. The difference between my sarcasm then and now though is that people before could tell when I was kidding and when I was being serious... I don't mean to be rude or bitchy.... it's just that since high school, people that i befriended were, in many ways, a lot more cynical then my close friends in high school were (and for the record... I am not saying that all of the friends that i made post high school were cynical.. but there certainly was more than before) It saddens me that my sarcasm as gotten to the point where my closest friend puts a defensive barrier up because she has no idea when i am kidding and when i am not. I guess a main reason why i am this way is because it's easier to be mean to people you think care about you, because only the strongest will stay your friend. I have had self esteem issues forever... and by being "the bitch" I guard myself from being hurt...
I don't know if any of that made sense, but it sort of enlightened me on my struggle to be sincere.... I AM WORKING ON IT. I am not as mean as I was my freshman year of college. I have built my personality to its highest bitchiness point and I think it's time to bring it back down. You have to be patient with me and understand that I am trying and will continue to try, but you need to give me some slack. I don't mean baby me... but be the better person.
OK I think I have said enough for now.
Good day.. or night