i'm so tired.
i cant keep going like this. im so tired of it. i dont know whats happening to me...
maybe it's that i know i'm losing my two best friends within the next semester, and i'm trying to be with them as much as i can because when they leave, i feel like i won't have anyone anymore. and i know i'll still have people, and it makes me so angry that i can't get over the selfishness of me being sad about it to actually be happy for them since they're doing something great with their lives. and i'm pushing everyone else away, and i don't know how to stop.
maybe it's that i know i should really just try to get medical withdrawl from all my classes and try to fix my problems since school is definatly last on my priorities list, but doing that just means that i cant do homecoming anymore and will become a bigger dissapointment to everyone than i already am. homecoming is something i can depend on too, and not having that means i've completely lost control of everything.
maybe it's that i tried to talk to my therapist about what was the matter with me (yeah, i said it - i go see a therapist) and all she said was, "well you're a mystery," and wrote me a prescription.
maybe it's that i'm taking these stupid pills and all i feel is worse than i did when i started.
maybe it's that i turned into this person i hate who can't do anything but mope around and try her damndest to not let anyone know how fucked up she's become.
all i know is i can't get out of bed in the morning. i can't do anything i want to.
something needs to happen. i'm drained - physically, mentally, and emotionally - and i'm just getting worse and worse. i'm tired of being sad, i'm tired of hiding it, i'm tired of lying and saying i'm okay. i can't do it anymore.
if only i knew what i could do to fix this.
until i can figure something out - i'm sorry. i'm not a fun person to be with anymore. but i'm trying, i promise.
it will get better.
it has to.
maybe it's that i know i'm losing my two best friends within the next semester, and i'm trying to be with them as much as i can because when they leave, i feel like i won't have anyone anymore. and i know i'll still have people, and it makes me so angry that i can't get over the selfishness of me being sad about it to actually be happy for them since they're doing something great with their lives. and i'm pushing everyone else away, and i don't know how to stop.
maybe it's that i know i should really just try to get medical withdrawl from all my classes and try to fix my problems since school is definatly last on my priorities list, but doing that just means that i cant do homecoming anymore and will become a bigger dissapointment to everyone than i already am. homecoming is something i can depend on too, and not having that means i've completely lost control of everything.
maybe it's that i tried to talk to my therapist about what was the matter with me (yeah, i said it - i go see a therapist) and all she said was, "well you're a mystery," and wrote me a prescription.
maybe it's that i'm taking these stupid pills and all i feel is worse than i did when i started.
maybe it's that i turned into this person i hate who can't do anything but mope around and try her damndest to not let anyone know how fucked up she's become.
all i know is i can't get out of bed in the morning. i can't do anything i want to.
something needs to happen. i'm drained - physically, mentally, and emotionally - and i'm just getting worse and worse. i'm tired of being sad, i'm tired of hiding it, i'm tired of lying and saying i'm okay. i can't do it anymore.
if only i knew what i could do to fix this.
until i can figure something out - i'm sorry. i'm not a fun person to be with anymore. but i'm trying, i promise.
it will get better.
it has to.