5 god damn days...
okay, i wrote only 5 days ago and i seemed so happy. i thought all my problems were solved when i got that job at bcf, but things have changed. 5 fucking days! i worked yesterday from 5pm to 10:15 pm. i went to sleep around midnight or so and woke up this morning at 6. all typical stuff for me. well, i was recently diagnosed with depression from my psychologist of like 6 years because i cry for no reason and at the drop of a hat. it first started just at the house, then when i came home from seeing chuck, then it just became all the time with chuck, at home, at work, it didn't matter. soooooo, i thoguht it was the whole me nt having money thing that was making me depressed. but even though i got my job the feeling didn't change, in fact i got worse, which brings me back to what happened to me this morning. this morning i was feelong so depressed that i was stressed out and afraid that i would start crying for no reason in the middle of my classes so i took 3 xanax instead of my normal 2. well, when i got to about the townsend middleschool i must have dosed off behind the wheel because the next thing i remember is being in the left lane with a car coming straight at me. i swerved back into the right lane and knew i couldn't continue on like this. so i pulled over at the middle school and my dad had to come and pick me up and bring me home, so i missed my classes today, which makes me feel so great :(.
my parents were so concerned about this, the fact that i thought i could counter act my stress and sadness with extra meds, that they told me i needed to do some serious schedule adjustments. so, i quit my job today at bcf and my dad offered me a posistion with his company for the same rate, plus i get the full amount because no taxes will be taken out. and i dropped one course from my schedule, an english 102 that's not mandatory for me to graduate. and i also decided as much as i like seeing chuck i just spend to much of my free weekend time with him. so i'm lowering that time down to like 1 or 2 days in a weekend instead of thursday, friday and saturday night. maybe just lie one sleepover or at the most 2 and that's only if we have definite plans for the next day. i just need to focus on myself right now, and the things that make me happy. i also need to start to hang out with my other friends like elisha and rachel and jes, i need to stretch my social life and not just depend on chuck for my entertainment. i hope this all works out for me. i need to have just one break right now. i bit off more then i could chew, i felt the reprocrussions, so now i'm trying to correct the situation. well guys i have some homework i need to do for thursday, i need to write e-mails to my teachers to see what i missed today and get all that out of my hair. wish me luck! i'll write again when something good happens to me...
www.declareyourself.com okay people it's time to get serious. it doesn't matter who you vote for it just matters that you vote, but to vote you need to be registered. so please, declare yourself! register and vote, it's your future too.
my parents were so concerned about this, the fact that i thought i could counter act my stress and sadness with extra meds, that they told me i needed to do some serious schedule adjustments. so, i quit my job today at bcf and my dad offered me a posistion with his company for the same rate, plus i get the full amount because no taxes will be taken out. and i dropped one course from my schedule, an english 102 that's not mandatory for me to graduate. and i also decided as much as i like seeing chuck i just spend to much of my free weekend time with him. so i'm lowering that time down to like 1 or 2 days in a weekend instead of thursday, friday and saturday night. maybe just lie one sleepover or at the most 2 and that's only if we have definite plans for the next day. i just need to focus on myself right now, and the things that make me happy. i also need to start to hang out with my other friends like elisha and rachel and jes, i need to stretch my social life and not just depend on chuck for my entertainment. i hope this all works out for me. i need to have just one break right now. i bit off more then i could chew, i felt the reprocrussions, so now i'm trying to correct the situation. well guys i have some homework i need to do for thursday, i need to write e-mails to my teachers to see what i missed today and get all that out of my hair. wish me luck! i'll write again when something good happens to me...
www.declareyourself.com okay people it's time to get serious. it doesn't matter who you vote for it just matters that you vote, but to vote you need to be registered. so please, declare yourself! register and vote, it's your future too.