like the walking epitome of unspeakably lustful things....(aja)
the day started out mudanely enough, tried to do some of my chinese homeowork this moring which just didn't work but i got to later, said hi to marley, went to say hi to rhea, walked to homeroom with abby and thankfully things are starting to feel just like they used to be, roamed the hall with luigi, then dumb ass classes, after school there was skippage of gsa as blueness, beastie and yours truly got caffeine high on yummy starbucks frapps and then me and blueness napped on the bus which was blissfully warm and just nice.
walking home from bluenesses house i bumped straight into kyle*- i havent seen him in four years- and we spent almost five minutes just staring, recognizing something totally unfamiliar. and then he said hi, and i just remembered everything, before bls, before i changed so much one of the closest friends i ever had barely recognized me.
it was an awkward,awed conversation that followed, forced and terse as if we could not realy believed we were who we claimed to be, as if we expected each other to step out of our skins at any moment and say just kidding this is me, this is who you knew, that's just a stranger's skin rippled around me nothing more, nothing else. but we didn't cause we couldn't and he didn't even have to ask to tell that i'm so much less than what i was, he was going to some friends house for a rhearsal of some sort, but neither of us wanted to linger long-just too shaken. i'm not saying i think i'm any worse of a person at the moment, just never realized how much i had changed, me who believes no matter what a core of us always remain somewhat the same, i still believe it just not as much, not after i realized how different i've become. and it's more than just getting a conscience , it ties in with maintaining one and going the whole nine yards with it- caring too goddamn much.giving in a bit too often and letting unchangeable things get to me. i've turned fucking emo goddamn it... not to metion i actually give a damn about the future of humankind.....
(*ancient once good friend of mine, introduced by an ancient ex....)
and it's like i can barely see thru all my strings now.
walking home from bluenesses house i bumped straight into kyle*- i havent seen him in four years- and we spent almost five minutes just staring, recognizing something totally unfamiliar. and then he said hi, and i just remembered everything, before bls, before i changed so much one of the closest friends i ever had barely recognized me.
it was an awkward,awed conversation that followed, forced and terse as if we could not realy believed we were who we claimed to be, as if we expected each other to step out of our skins at any moment and say just kidding this is me, this is who you knew, that's just a stranger's skin rippled around me nothing more, nothing else. but we didn't cause we couldn't and he didn't even have to ask to tell that i'm so much less than what i was, he was going to some friends house for a rhearsal of some sort, but neither of us wanted to linger long-just too shaken. i'm not saying i think i'm any worse of a person at the moment, just never realized how much i had changed, me who believes no matter what a core of us always remain somewhat the same, i still believe it just not as much, not after i realized how different i've become. and it's more than just getting a conscience , it ties in with maintaining one and going the whole nine yards with it- caring too goddamn much.giving in a bit too often and letting unchangeable things get to me. i've turned fucking emo goddamn it... not to metion i actually give a damn about the future of humankind.....
(*ancient once good friend of mine, introduced by an ancient ex....)
and it's like i can barely see thru all my strings now.