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Comments 5

_profiterole_ November 3 2010, 21:18:50 UTC
Great fic! :-)

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laughing_lovers November 3 2010, 22:34:02 UTC
Thank you =]

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phoenix_bellamy November 3 2010, 21:34:50 UTC
Hello!
Well, I am little more picky with fics when I am tired so don't mind my critic too much... But while I am amazed by how detailed it is - and yet it's not boring - I feel like it lacks of balance. As though the setting and the build up are too long, compared with devolpment of the story itself and the conclusion.
Hope I didn't sound too pedantic. I wouldn't even bother to comment something I didn't like ;D

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laughing_lovers November 3 2010, 22:48:12 UTC
I don't mind at all! I understand what you mean about the balance. If I thought of it from a view other than my own, it almost seems like the climax of the story is at the very end and then that's it.
But now I'm thinking about all the ways I can change it back again. I like how the ending feels like falling off a cliff (but not really a cliffhanger?), but it does feel a bit short-changed.
I like your critique. If I had invested in a beta, this might not have happened. Is it too late to go back in and add a couple of things to the story? Hahaha. Thank you!

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phoenix_bellamy November 4 2010, 08:45:41 UTC
It's never too late for that :D
I keep editing mine, even months after I posted them, if I re-read them and find out they could be better.
I know that those changes probably won't be noticed by readers who went through the first draft and then never re-read it - why would they - but it's one of those situations where one writes mainly for themselves and to be in love with what they wrote (which is a very gratifying feeling <3)

Point is: go for it :) !

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