waiting for wednesday
i see the lights move on the ceiling, i see the stars up in the lights, i see the mooon beams on your forhead there and i think about the garden of delights.
ick. low carb bread.. i had an extended day off from the diet oh sorry.. life style since i was 4 lbs under goal weight.. well i had some brownies, lots of beer and lots of carbs. no real damage done except i proved what i knew all along.. i don't comprehend the concept of moderation. so back on board... but low carb stuff only tastes good if you have gone without carbs for an period of time.
after haven seen bris boy style of shopping.(31 personal pizzas, oreos, chips and tylonel since he spent more money at the liquor store than the grocery store) i am glad i can't spend more time with him.. since i have been known to put away my fair share of oreos.
on the topic of the boy.its anyones game at this point. he is putting everything out there and i am hiding as much as possible.. well not hiding but definitly not being as up front as he is.. i like to think of myself as a fine wine to be consumed slowly. you have to take your time with me, take it all in, otherwise i can be a little overwhelming.
so ear doc update. and that is there is no update. blah.. whatever.. my eustion tube is not working at all, no change in the right ear, and still significant bilateral hearing loss.. i am to be monitored for 5 months. and if i hit a certain rate they are going to design me my own special tube that will fit my malformed eardrum and drain all the fluid which is causing the problems not tumor. so that was something.. and i was actually listened to and that was really all i wanted.so here is a fun story for ya..heading on the red line yesterday near mass eye and ear and i see this kid with this extremely large box... it was Tommy.. a review. tommy classmate from NEC, fellow RA, class prez, and had an unfortunate incident with him after many magaritas and watching the matrix. anyways. we caught up, exchanged numbers and plan on chating more over a pint.
didn't hear from Bri yesterday.. well after i left his house in the AM. he is pretty sparatic and unpredictable. it doesn't make me want to throw up from nerves anymore... if its going to end or not meant to be it will.. and even if i was able to protect it, protect me from him, and him from me.. i can only balance that for so long..
in an odd turn of events he seems just as unglued as i am.. he was reading off his laundry list of quirks and flaws and showing me the nearest exit if that is what i so choose. He told me he use to be good at this.. the dating, sweet romnatic dating thing... but after 4 years of nothing but working and failed attemps at relationships he thinks he no longer has the game.. i was like well i was never good at it.. and have my own issues and malfunctions but he is going to have to discover them as we go.
i told dre i missed erik. you would think i would be distracted by Bri and just how much i've grown and moved on but the therapist said its natural at this point to actually miss him more. because this makes it real .. i can live my life without him. but i don't want to. I want to see him and watch him get all excited about some crazy shit and i want him tell me he is proud of me in that way that he has that makes me feel like he actually is. I want to hear about all his near death adventures, his birthday, his new goals and challenges and how he cut his hair an inch and half.
my hands are dry.
* buy stamps.
* ENJOY IT
little goober
yep she knows shes cute
such literary children
ick. low carb bread.. i had an extended day off from the diet oh sorry.. life style since i was 4 lbs under goal weight.. well i had some brownies, lots of beer and lots of carbs. no real damage done except i proved what i knew all along.. i don't comprehend the concept of moderation. so back on board... but low carb stuff only tastes good if you have gone without carbs for an period of time.
after haven seen bris boy style of shopping.(31 personal pizzas, oreos, chips and tylonel since he spent more money at the liquor store than the grocery store) i am glad i can't spend more time with him.. since i have been known to put away my fair share of oreos.
on the topic of the boy.its anyones game at this point. he is putting everything out there and i am hiding as much as possible.. well not hiding but definitly not being as up front as he is.. i like to think of myself as a fine wine to be consumed slowly. you have to take your time with me, take it all in, otherwise i can be a little overwhelming.
so ear doc update. and that is there is no update. blah.. whatever.. my eustion tube is not working at all, no change in the right ear, and still significant bilateral hearing loss.. i am to be monitored for 5 months. and if i hit a certain rate they are going to design me my own special tube that will fit my malformed eardrum and drain all the fluid which is causing the problems not tumor. so that was something.. and i was actually listened to and that was really all i wanted.so here is a fun story for ya..heading on the red line yesterday near mass eye and ear and i see this kid with this extremely large box... it was Tommy.. a review. tommy classmate from NEC, fellow RA, class prez, and had an unfortunate incident with him after many magaritas and watching the matrix. anyways. we caught up, exchanged numbers and plan on chating more over a pint.
didn't hear from Bri yesterday.. well after i left his house in the AM. he is pretty sparatic and unpredictable. it doesn't make me want to throw up from nerves anymore... if its going to end or not meant to be it will.. and even if i was able to protect it, protect me from him, and him from me.. i can only balance that for so long..
in an odd turn of events he seems just as unglued as i am.. he was reading off his laundry list of quirks and flaws and showing me the nearest exit if that is what i so choose. He told me he use to be good at this.. the dating, sweet romnatic dating thing... but after 4 years of nothing but working and failed attemps at relationships he thinks he no longer has the game.. i was like well i was never good at it.. and have my own issues and malfunctions but he is going to have to discover them as we go.
i told dre i missed erik. you would think i would be distracted by Bri and just how much i've grown and moved on but the therapist said its natural at this point to actually miss him more. because this makes it real .. i can live my life without him. but i don't want to. I want to see him and watch him get all excited about some crazy shit and i want him tell me he is proud of me in that way that he has that makes me feel like he actually is. I want to hear about all his near death adventures, his birthday, his new goals and challenges and how he cut his hair an inch and half.
my hands are dry.
* buy stamps.
* ENJOY IT
little goober
yep she knows shes cute
such literary children