my last day of twentydom.
its been swell.
this year has flown by. its been a great year, all in all. a little rocky there at the beginning, but new friends, old friends, junior recitals, living in the mills with dools, london, then backpacking...the lady in the sky has been quite lovely to me this year.
i've been trying to be nicer to myself this year. i've been learning how to make better and better choices as to who i devote my time to, including romantic attachments. basically, i've had my fun and now i need to decide if i'm ready for more. i'm not going to rush myself, but if i'm not ready for more, i'm going to attempt to not draw people to myself that i know won't stay just to protect myself. thats backwards and wimpy. things that i know i am not, so i need to stop doing.
this year has also been rocking enough to melt away the pain from the year prior. all i really feel at this point is how wasteful drama feels at times, how draining it is to hold onto the past, and how much better life is without it. i haven't had anything significantly dramatic happen to me since last august. that is pretty damn amazing. because of that, my life has been about doing all the geeky learning my heart desires, and partying pretty hard along the way.
i've rediscovered an explorative lost love that i had as a child. in one way from travelling, and in another way from starting to hang out with mark pez again. i think it bloomed and grew strong during backpacking, and was shown enough light to flourish in this new friendship. we have all become more lighthearted in a way, and i'm not sure if it was always there, or if this combination of people just imbibes it into each other. i'm sure its both.
its great though. i've gotten so excited over small things--learning chess, making sure i'm doing the sun salutation correctly, re-learning the constellation stories i used to know as a kid, highlighting the parts that make me think in mere christianity, reading books i've always meant to read, playing in the rain, dancing when there's music to dance, listening to music that moves me, listening to people that do too. having so much fun talking that the hours just melt away and a new day approaches when you're not ready. trips in the car, bad decisions that are oh so good.
i am so lucky. i don't deserve it sometimes.
phoebe and phil are coming down from DC today to come stay for the birthday weekend. my friends are awesome. i had such a great time with phoebe in DC last weekend. she loaned me a PARLOR SIZED GUITAR until i can afford one/decide what i want to do! ahhhh excitement. it was the one thing in my life that i hardcore missed since i came home to my uncle selling the beloved martin, and its wonderful when things just sort of come to you. anyway, they're coming down today, and tomorrow we're all going to moraine state park for a day of picnicing, swimming, frisbee, and having a good time. then back to kelly's for a house party complete with a green treasure hunt. its going to rock my socks pretty hard.
sunday you will find us in our PJs, probably at Pamela's recovering.
its good to be home.
this year has flown by. its been a great year, all in all. a little rocky there at the beginning, but new friends, old friends, junior recitals, living in the mills with dools, london, then backpacking...the lady in the sky has been quite lovely to me this year.
i've been trying to be nicer to myself this year. i've been learning how to make better and better choices as to who i devote my time to, including romantic attachments. basically, i've had my fun and now i need to decide if i'm ready for more. i'm not going to rush myself, but if i'm not ready for more, i'm going to attempt to not draw people to myself that i know won't stay just to protect myself. thats backwards and wimpy. things that i know i am not, so i need to stop doing.
this year has also been rocking enough to melt away the pain from the year prior. all i really feel at this point is how wasteful drama feels at times, how draining it is to hold onto the past, and how much better life is without it. i haven't had anything significantly dramatic happen to me since last august. that is pretty damn amazing. because of that, my life has been about doing all the geeky learning my heart desires, and partying pretty hard along the way.
i've rediscovered an explorative lost love that i had as a child. in one way from travelling, and in another way from starting to hang out with mark pez again. i think it bloomed and grew strong during backpacking, and was shown enough light to flourish in this new friendship. we have all become more lighthearted in a way, and i'm not sure if it was always there, or if this combination of people just imbibes it into each other. i'm sure its both.
its great though. i've gotten so excited over small things--learning chess, making sure i'm doing the sun salutation correctly, re-learning the constellation stories i used to know as a kid, highlighting the parts that make me think in mere christianity, reading books i've always meant to read, playing in the rain, dancing when there's music to dance, listening to music that moves me, listening to people that do too. having so much fun talking that the hours just melt away and a new day approaches when you're not ready. trips in the car, bad decisions that are oh so good.
i am so lucky. i don't deserve it sometimes.
phoebe and phil are coming down from DC today to come stay for the birthday weekend. my friends are awesome. i had such a great time with phoebe in DC last weekend. she loaned me a PARLOR SIZED GUITAR until i can afford one/decide what i want to do! ahhhh excitement. it was the one thing in my life that i hardcore missed since i came home to my uncle selling the beloved martin, and its wonderful when things just sort of come to you. anyway, they're coming down today, and tomorrow we're all going to moraine state park for a day of picnicing, swimming, frisbee, and having a good time. then back to kelly's for a house party complete with a green treasure hunt. its going to rock my socks pretty hard.
sunday you will find us in our PJs, probably at Pamela's recovering.
its good to be home.