The Sound of Silence, a Supernatural Fic (Part 2)
Title: The Sound of Silence
Author: lauehime
Rating: PG
Genre/pairing: H/C, Angst, Family, Gen
Characters: Sam, Dean
Word count: +/- 10,000 for the whole story (2 parts)
Warnings: Non-graphic violence, spoilers for season 5
Summary: Set during season 5. After Sam worked with Ruby and freed Lucifer, Dean says he can’t trust him anymore. On top of that, things are tensed between them after they find out about the role they’ll have to take in the Apocalypse. Sam really wants to regain Dean’s trust. When he gets hurt, he figures he can’t tell his brother in fear of breaking their already fragile reunion. But the consequences might make him lose more than his brother’s trust.
PART 1
Disclaimer: The show belongs to Kripke.
Enjoy! Feedback is love!
SNSNSNSN
Sam woke up feeling groggy. His limbs felt heavy and most of all, he felt weak. He turned himself on his good side to see that Dean’s bed was empty. His brother had probably gone out for breakfast. The thought of food felt interesting at the moment. He blamed his weakness on his lack of food from the previous day.
Getting up proved to be harder than he’d expected. He let out a cry of pain when he switched into a sitting position. He only assumed that it was normal considering his injury. But Dean had stitched the wound so there was nothing for him to worry about. He found the bottle of painkillers on the nightstand and dry-swallowed two of them.
Dean finally made it back to the room with a paper bag and Sam assumed he had been right about breakfast. His brother indeed took an order of eggs and bread out and handed it over to him.
"How are you feeling this morning?" Dean asked while handing his little brother a fork and a napkin.
Sam shrugged. He remembered telling Dean that he wouldn’t hide his injuries anymore but he didn’t know how to open up to his brother. It wasn’t a dynamic that he was used to.
"Little sore but I’ll live" he admitted, not completely covering the truth.
Dean let out a brief smile before eyeing the breakfast on his brother’s lap.
"Eat your food. You gotta get your strength back"
Sam nodded and started picking at the eggs.
Dean ate his own breakfast burrito with a lot of appetite. It didn’t take long for his tray to be empty. He looked up at Sam who had only nibbled on a few pieces of toast so far.
"We have to go back to the mall and try to do something about the ghosts" Dean started.
Sam looked up at him. He didn’t say it explicitly but Dean could tell that Sam wasn’t too enthusiastic about the idea. After a while, the youngest finally nodded, albeit slowly. Things had to be taken care of and Sam was used to the whole Winchester way of sucking it up in order to get the job done.
His wound would heal anyway. Now that it was stitched, he only had to make sure it didn’t get infected.
He had no excuse, really.
Sam managed to finish half of his tray before an uneasy feeling crept up his stomach. He pushed the plate away, claiming that he wasn’t hungry anymore, which was true.
Dean wasn’t too happy, but he didn’t push it.
They had work to do.
Sam dressed up cautiously as to not pull at his throbbing side. The ache had gone down from the effect of the painkillers, but it was still sensitive. He thought about bringing the bottle of pills along with him.
When they walked outside, chills racked Sam’s body even though he had two shirts and a jacket on. As Dean opened the trunk, so that they could dump their duffles, Sam grabbed his old hoodie from the back, putting it under his jacket. Dean noticed, but didn’t argue.
Sam was such a girl after all, he was probably pulling the thing for comfort.
They both climbed in the front seat of the Impala and Dean shot one last sideways glance at his brother. Sam was already leaning his forehead against the window; eyes staring out without really focusing on anything.
"You sure you’re okay?" Dean was finally tempted to ask.
Sam turned his head sluggishly.
"Yeah I’m fine. I just didn’t sleep well last night" he replied.
Dean studied him for a moment longer.
"If anything was up, you’d tell me, right? I can’t deal with the hunt if I have to watch out for you at the same time" Dean started. There was something in his tone that sounded like trouble.
Sam closed his eyes. He knew that his brother would be mad at him if he trailed behind and it’s exactly why he wouldn’t tell him how he really felt, yet. Dean had more important things to think about and Sam was supposed to be old enough to look out for himself. He’d been nauseous before, he could deal.
"Don’t worry, Dean. I can take care of myself" he mumbled.
His big brother rolled his eyes and finally pulled the gear into drive.
They reached the mall that seemed to be as empty as the previous day. Sam could understand why people didn’t want to come after what he’d seen the previous day. On top of that, the whole place felt cold. Sam was even happier that he'd had the idea of bringing the extra hoodie. He held his arms close to his large frame in order to keep his warmth to himself, even through the shivers.
Dean was following next to him. They were heading right for the dining area now that they knew where to find the ghosts. The eldest felt the cold too. They were close.
When they reached the area they were heading for, they found it empty. Sam frowned and looked all around for clues.
"I thought they were supposed to be here" he said through gritted teeth.
"Maybe they knew we were coming" Dean tried.
Sam was still looking all around. Aside from the cold, there were no traces of ghost activity. Dean picked up his EMF meter and turned it on. The signal went crazy. They were right inside the energy but still, there were no ghosts in sight. Where were they, then?
"Dean" Sam started when he was interrupted by a sudden change in gravity. Before he could tell what was happening to him, he was flying across the air and fell to a heap on the floor. The wind was knocked out of him from the impact; his side bursting into surges of pain.
"Sam!" Dean yelled, turning to face the ghost that had flung Sam around. He shot a round of rock salt and the ghost disappeared. Dean started to run towards his brother when he too was projected into the air.
He fell back and hit his head on one of the tables.
Sam was still down, panting. Dean wasn’t completely knocked out but he saw stars for a few seconds.
A ghost materialized in front of him.
"You don’t get to live if we die" the dead girl said.
"Everybody dies someday" he tried, a slight cocky grin forming on his face.
She reached towards him, ready to throw him again.
"Why are you still here, it’s not fair!" she shrieked.
Dean shrugged. "Maybe God recognizes my purpose more than he did for you" he joked. "I’m prettier too" he added with a wink.
The ghost clenched its fists and reached for Dean’s throat. At that moment, it went up into a million pieces and vanished into thin air. Dean turned his head to see Sam, half-slumped against a chair, with his shotgun aimed towards him. He offered his brother a thankful nod.
More ghosts were starting to appear. They were all men and women from different ages. Their complaints melted into one bone-chilling cry.
"Why did we have to go so early?" they cried.
Dean shrugged and looked at Sam for support. Sam seemed to be out of it. He turned back to the ghosts.
"Doesn’t God have mercy?" they continued.
Dean shook his head sadly.
"I’m afraid he doesn’t care. How could such disasters happen if there were a God" Dean tried.
His own experience had led him to think that God was probably gone. Dead even. Maybe.
"It’s not fair" the ghosts cried again.
Dean nodded sadly.
"You’re right. But be at peace, there will be more deaths. You’re not the only ones. It’s not against you, personally" Dean assured. Some of the ghosts were already bursting into shards of white light.
"We will all die. At least you won’t get to see famine and death. You’ve got the chance to go before it gets ugly" Dean continued on a soft tone. More ghosts vanished, moving on to the next world.
"I had a wife and kids" a man ghost cried.
"They won’t move on if you don’t" Dean admitted. "Don’t you think they’d rather know you’re at peace instead of stuck here and in pain?" he added.
The man bowed his head. A lone tear rolled down his cheek and he slowly started to fade to white.
Seeing that no more ghosts would be attacking him anytime soon, Dean got to his feet and started limping slightly towards Sam. His brother had watched the whole scene through half closed lids. The kid was clutching his midsection and his face was contorted in pain.
"Sam?" Dean started, his eyes quickly triaging his brother’s condition.
Sam could only groan before fully opening his eyes in an ultimate effort.
"Dean" he breathed.
"You okay?" Dean asked, barely masking his concern.
"Think I hit the wrong side when I fell… hope I didn’t pop a stitch" Sam admitted.
Dean frowned.
"Mind if I check?"
Sam winced, but he turned his wounded side towards his brother. Dean cautiously lifted the layers of clothing. When he finally managed to find the wound, he saw that it was intact.
"The wound is clean, princess" Dean said.
Sam closed his eyes in relief. "Good" he breathed, not paying attention to the comment.
Dean helped him up to his feet and dragged his gigantic brother back to the car. Sam mostly leaned into his big brother, enjoying the proximity. Things had been so tensed between them lately. It felt good to have Dean back.
They settled into the Impala and Sam bit his lip to repress a cry of pain. Even though Dean had assured him that he hadn’t opened his side again, it certainly felt like it. Actually his whole side was aching. He figured that’s what happened when you were flown around like a rag doll.
"What happened with the ghosts" Sam asked.
Dean looked at him and frowned.
"You were there" he pointed out.
Sam closed his eyes.
"I was focusing on breathing" he murmured.
Dean caught that and he suddenly didn’t feel like teasing Sam anymore.
"They left on their own. It’s part of the book of Revelations too. I figured it out with Bobby yesterday when you were dozing off" Dean replied, his tone changing towards the end. There was something that sounded like resentment in his voice.
Or maybe really really deep down, there was a hint of concern…
Sam rolled his eyes and turned towards the window, again finding comfort in the cool glass. His head was pounding. The contact with the cold glass made him shiver. The change in temperature was too important. He brought a hand to his face only to find it soaked in sweat. He frowned. How could he be sweating when his whole body was racked with chills? Something felt wrong.
He hadn’t noticed that they were back at the motel until the car stopped. Sam sluggishly looked up at their motel room. He sighed and started pulling himself out of the car. The movement jagged at his side. Pain erupted in his whole abdomen. He closed his eyes for a brief second, trying to catch his breath.
Dean frowned when he saw the awkward movements Sam was trying to pull, in order to free himself from the passenger seat. But it’s the way his face cringed in pain and how he leaned on the car for support that led him to stand in front of Sam with a worried look.
"Seriously, man" he started. "Do you think I’m stupid? What’s up with you?" he asked, eyeing the tall kid up and down.
Sam was breathing quickly.
"It hurts, Dean" he admitted.
"What hurts? Your side?" he asked.
Sam nodded without specifying that the pain had gone from his side to his whole lower abdomen.
"I guess that means painkillers and rest for you. That ghost chick knocked you pretty hard" he said with a slight smirk.
Sam snorted. "Not funny" he mumbled.
Dean helped him inside and that’s when he noticed the heat coming from his brother. Sam managed to sit on his bed when it caused another stab of pain. He could hardly contain the grimace. Dean hadn’t seen it, though. He was fishing for the painkillers. As soon as he got them, Sam dry-swallowed two of them.
Dean pressed his palm against Sam’s forehead and felt the heat coming from it.
"Dude, I think you’ve got a fever" Dean announced.
Sam shrugged.
Dean went to check on Sam’s side again but Sam yelped in pain.
Dean opened wide eyes to him.
"I hardly touched you" he called in disbelief.
"Sorry" Sam apologized, rubbing the bridge of his nose at the headache that was beating against his skull.
"I just want to see if your wound is getting infected" Dean explained.
Sam nodded and bit his lip to prevent any further scream of pain. He held his breath while Dean pulled up his shirt. His big brother inspected the wound, but it showed no obvious signs of infection. He went to touch it, but Sam jerked away from his hand .
"Don’t touch it" he breathed.
Dean nodded.
"Okay. The wound doesn’t seem to be infected, but something is up" Dean stated.
Sam closed his eyes and shook his head.
"I just want to sleep" he said. "It’ll be better in the morning" he added.
Dean nodded and let Sam undress to the best of his capacity before his little brother snuggled under the blankets and fell asleep almost instantly.
The eldest was puzzled. He wasn’t sure if his current relationship with Sam allowed him to get closer to his brother. If Sam said he’d be better in the morning, Dean would let him sleep and hope that Sam would indeed be better in the morning. Either way, his brother wasn’t eight anymore and the time where he would’ve stayed up all night to check on the kid was long gone.
Dean shrugged and undressed himself before getting in his own bed.
SNSNSNSN
Sam jerked awake. He was drenched in sweat, but shaking like a leaf. He shook his head, trying to remember where he was and what happened when the pain came back to him, making it hard to breathe. An uneasy feeling was creeping inside of him and when he figured it out, it was a matter of time before it turned awfully bad.
He jumped out of his bed, immediately regretting it when everything started to spin. He had to hold himself onto the walls and then on the door frame of the bathroom. As soon as his fingers slid from the frame, he collapsed onto his knees. He dragged himself to the toilet just in time, when his stomach rebelled and decided to expel its meager contents.
Sam gripped the porcelain tightly making his knuckles turn white. The pain was unbearable at that point and if he weren’t throwing up, he’d probably pass out.
SNSNSNSN
Dean was having a wonderful dream. He was dealing with soft skin and red lips. But the warmth of her arms disappeared and he slowly felt the cold and emptiness of his bed. He didn’t want to wake up and held tightly onto his dream, but strange sounds were leading him to consciousness. He tried to focus and understand where he was and what was happening. His eyes opened sluggishly. He already missed his dream and cursed at whatever it was that had pulled him out of it.
That was until his brain registered where the noise came from. His eyes snapped open and he was fully aware within seconds. He turned to check on his brother only to find the other bed empty. His head shot in the direction of the bathroom from where he could hear his brother’s horrible heaving.
"Son of a bitch" he breathed.
He ran to the bathroom only to stare at the reality he feared he would find there. Sam was as pale as the ghosts they had been hunting. He was clutching at the toilet, his breathing ragged and too damn fast.
"Sam" he said, kneeling down next to his brother. The kid hardly acknowledged him, but he did lean into his brother when Dean offered physical support. The eldest rubbed his brother's back while whispering soothing words.
"It’s gonna be okay, Sammy"
Sam wanted to believe it, really. But his head wanted to split open and his body shook from the cold and exhaustion and his abdomen - oh shit! He was in so much pain! He could hardly breathe.
"D'n" he slurred, his voice rasped. "Don’t feel good" he continued.
When he was sure he wouldn’t throw up anymore, because there was nothing more inside of him to throw out, he slumped into his brother’s chest. Dean caught his brother’s limp weight.
"What’s going on, Sam?" he asked, his voice not even trying to mask his concern.
"Hurts" Sam cried.
Dean’s heart squeezed in his chest. Sam didn’t usually complain about the pain. His brother had the highest pain threshold he’d ever seen.
He had to control his rising panic. At least for his brother, he would.
"Where?"
"Side" Sam breathed out.
Dean frowned. He knew that his brother's side was hurting, but was it worse than Sam let on?
He pulled up at the shirt again, but this time his blood drained from his face. Sam’s skin was covered in dark patches like bruises. Dean shook his head in disbelief and gently placed his fingers on Sam’s skin. He flinched when he felt just how cool it was, even though his brother was still sweating.
Sam wanted to push his brother’s hand away, but he didn’t have the strength to move anymore. Dean took this as an opportunity to start feeling Sam’s side with his fingers.
"Shit, Sam!" he cursed when he felt how rigid his brother’s skin was.
Sam had closed his eyes, unable to keep them open anymore. He was excruciatingly tired. Dean tapped his cheek lightly.
"Open your eyes, Sammy! Please, stay with me" he begged.
Sam’s eyes opened to slits.
"’m sorry" he mumbled.
Dean shook his head frantically.
"It’s okay, I’ll take care of it! Do you think you can get to the Impala?" Dean asked, knowing that his brother needed a hospital and he needed it like yesterday!
Sam didn’t reply. His eyes were rolling back into his head.
"Hey, come on! Sam, wake up! Don’t you dare! SAM!" Dean yelled at his now unconscious brother.
"Damn it!" Dean shouted. Sam’s pulse was erratic too. This was so not good.
He lifted Sam as carefully as he could and ran back to the room to get his phone. He pulled it open, having no choice but to call for an ambulance. His brother’s life depended on it.
SNSNSNSN
Dean had been pacing the waiting room for hours. The doctors weren’t telling him anything and he was scared out of his mind. He’d tried to pull information out from the nurses with more aggressive methods, but they only threatened to throw him out so he calmed down. They kept saying the doctors were doing everything they could to save his brother.
His brother who was in surgery. When the doctors saw the bruises on his skin, they rushed him to the OR. Dean had then been informed about the hemorrhage, but it wasn’t something he didn’t know. He’d seen the bruises too. He’d seen his brother go into shock. The memories were too fresh in his mind and he shivered every time he closed his eyes and saw images of a pale and limp Sam.
He just needed his brother to be okay.
He needed Sam to come out of this.
Because he needed to patch things up with him. Tell him how sorry he was for the way he acted and for the way he blamed Sam.
He’d been the one to unlock the first seal, after all. Sam might have finished it, but he wasn't the one to start it.
He was to blame for the Apocalypse just as much as Sam was.
But then again, they hadn’t known. If only they had. Things would have been different.
Dean paced the waiting room again. He had stopped counting how many times he had gone back and forth around the small space that he was allowed. Security had threatened to throw him out if he bothered the others too much. Dean was only worried, couldn’t they understand that?
Finally, Sam’s attending physician came for him. Dean was up within seconds.
"How is he?"
"The surgery was a success. Sam is in recovery for now, but he should be moved to ICU soon. I’m sure he’ll recover quickly" the doctor assured.
"What exactly was wrong with him?" Dean asked, not understanding everything that had happened since that night at the bar.
"When your brother was stabbed, the blade perforated his colon. This caused intestinal bacteria to seep out of the wound and into Sam’s bloodstream, resulting in an infection that we call peritonitis. In medical jargon, Sam’s peritoneum - or his abdominal tissue, the one that is protecting his organs - inflamed, which caused your brother’s pain. The infection itself caused Sam’s state of shock, including the fever and the vomiting" the medical professional explained.
"But you say he’ll recover quickly?" Dean asked again, not convinced about the prognostic after hearing the diagnostic.
"Most likely, yes. We treated him immediately for shock when he came into the ER. Then we surgically resolved the perforation. The only thing left to worry about is the infection, but we’ve already started Sam on a penicillin treatment. Your brother is young and healthy. He should make a full recovery" the doctor announced in optimism.
Dean smiled weakly and bowed his head slightly.
"Thanks, doc" he said sincerely.
"I was just doing my job" the doctor said.
Dean smiled sadly. "You did more than that actually" he whispered.
The doctor frowned, but he didn’t push to find what Dean meant by that.
SNSNSNSN
Sam had finally been moved and Dean was allowed to visit. After waiting for so long, it was like a birthday party for him. He had wanted to see his brother so badly. Excitation built in his chest as he walked into the hospital room.
Sam’s eyes were closed. He wasn’t so pale anymore, but Dean could tell it had been a close call. The multiple IVs and the oxygen tubing were testimony to that. His brother could have died. He’d been close actually. It was a good thing he’d woken up when he did. What if he hadn’t? What if he’d stayed in bed? Would he have found Sam dead on the cold bathroom floor in the morning?
He shivered at the thought. He had woken up. It’s the only thing that mattered.
He reached to the side of the bed and pulled a chair closer.
Something made him want to grab Sam’s hand, but he didn’t. He didn’t know if he deserved such intimacy and comfort.
"Dean?" he heard a soft voice ask. He turned wide eyes to his brother’s face only to see glassy hazel eyes staring back at him.
"Sammy, you’re awake" he stated.
"No shit, Sherlock" his little brother replied with a cheeky grin. It had been so long since he’d seen that smile. He couldn’t help but smile too.
Too close, yeah. He’d been too close to lose the only thing that really mattered.
"Smartass" Dean teased. Sam smiled and let his eyes droop.
"How are you feeling?" Dean asked after a while, enjoying the simple comfort he found in his brother being okay.
"Honestly?"
"Yeah, man! I want nothing but the truth this time" Dean replied seriously.
Sam’s smile dropped down some. His eyes became serious.
"Like shit. Still hurts like hell…" he admitted, taking quick and shallow breaths.
"Well thank you for telling me. I can get the nurse to give you the good stuff!" Dean started almost enthusiastically, but then his tone darkened. "…see, I can help when you actually tell me what’s going on" Dean said seriously. Sam bowed his head to that.
"I know… I’m sorry" he apologized.
Dean looked at his brother intensely.
"Yeah, you should be… you could have died, Sam" Dean exclaimed. His tone could have been angry, but it wasn’t. Sam could only read how scared his brother had been.
"When I said that I couldn’t trust you" Dean started. "I was talking about this, too. I can’t always look out for you and try to guess how you're feeling when you won’t tell me" he continued.
Sam nodded. "I know" he finally said. "All this time I was working with Ruby, I finally took care of myself. I wasn’t your kid brother anymore. Maybe I need to grow up" he proposed softly.
It was Dean’s turn to nod. "That includes taking care of your injuries. I won’t always be there to watch out for you" he replied.
"Someday, I’ll make it up to you" Sam announced.
Dean frowned. "What for?" he asked.
Sam tugged at his gown. "For... letting you down" he confessed.
Dean was taken aback. He knew Sam was feeling guilty, but did Sam think he owed him or something? He didn’t know what to say. Instead of replying, he just nodded. He didn’t know if he forgave Sam for what he did. The pain was still too great. He couldn’t forget about Ruby, the demon blood and the lies either. Not yet, at least.
"Just so you know, it doesn’t change how I feel about us" Dean finally said.
Sam looked down in shame.
"For now" Dean added softly. His brother looked up hopefully.
"It’s going to take some time, Sam. I can’t pretend nothing happened" he explained. Sam nodded, his eyes misty and reflecting his pain.
"I can’t blame you" Sam admitted. Dean nodded and rubbed his face with his hand, resting his fingers on his chin. They spent some time in silence.
"Dean" Sam suddenly whispered.
His brother turned to face him, showing him he had his attention now.
Sam blinked sluggishly.
"Thank you" he finally said, his eyes filling with tears.
Dean frowned. "What did I do to deserve that?"
Sam smiled softly. "You didn't give up on me, despite the shit I put you through" he replied, tears spilling from his eyes. He was exhausted and in pain.
Dean smiled sadly. "That’s what family’s for, right?" he said softly.
Sam’s heart squeezed with joy. His eyes started drooping and he focused on trying to take deep breaths. His face suddenly turned into one of worry, when a thought occurred to him.
"Do you think we’ll be family again?" he whispered.
Dean sighed at how easily Sam would turn anything into a chick flick when he was hurt and drugged.
"Someday" he finally replied.
Sam somehow took comfort in that answer and his face softened. His eyes remained closed for longer than they had before. He was fighting a rough infection, after all. Dean was even surprised he had managed to stay awake for so long. Damn stubborn little brothers.
"You get some rest, Sammy. I’ll be here when you wake up" Dean said.
With that, Sam’s breaths deepened and evened out.
Someday, we’ll trust each other and be brothers again. One day at the time. We’ll get there, Sammy. I’m glad you’re okay. I don’t know what I would have done if anything bad had happened to you. I can’t stay mad at you, no matter how hard I try. You make that impossible.
Bitch.
Author: lauehime
Rating: PG
Genre/pairing: H/C, Angst, Family, Gen
Characters: Sam, Dean
Word count: +/- 10,000 for the whole story (2 parts)
Warnings: Non-graphic violence, spoilers for season 5
Summary: Set during season 5. After Sam worked with Ruby and freed Lucifer, Dean says he can’t trust him anymore. On top of that, things are tensed between them after they find out about the role they’ll have to take in the Apocalypse. Sam really wants to regain Dean’s trust. When he gets hurt, he figures he can’t tell his brother in fear of breaking their already fragile reunion. But the consequences might make him lose more than his brother’s trust.
PART 1
Disclaimer: The show belongs to Kripke.
Enjoy! Feedback is love!
SNSNSNSN
Sam woke up feeling groggy. His limbs felt heavy and most of all, he felt weak. He turned himself on his good side to see that Dean’s bed was empty. His brother had probably gone out for breakfast. The thought of food felt interesting at the moment. He blamed his weakness on his lack of food from the previous day.
Getting up proved to be harder than he’d expected. He let out a cry of pain when he switched into a sitting position. He only assumed that it was normal considering his injury. But Dean had stitched the wound so there was nothing for him to worry about. He found the bottle of painkillers on the nightstand and dry-swallowed two of them.
Dean finally made it back to the room with a paper bag and Sam assumed he had been right about breakfast. His brother indeed took an order of eggs and bread out and handed it over to him.
"How are you feeling this morning?" Dean asked while handing his little brother a fork and a napkin.
Sam shrugged. He remembered telling Dean that he wouldn’t hide his injuries anymore but he didn’t know how to open up to his brother. It wasn’t a dynamic that he was used to.
"Little sore but I’ll live" he admitted, not completely covering the truth.
Dean let out a brief smile before eyeing the breakfast on his brother’s lap.
"Eat your food. You gotta get your strength back"
Sam nodded and started picking at the eggs.
Dean ate his own breakfast burrito with a lot of appetite. It didn’t take long for his tray to be empty. He looked up at Sam who had only nibbled on a few pieces of toast so far.
"We have to go back to the mall and try to do something about the ghosts" Dean started.
Sam looked up at him. He didn’t say it explicitly but Dean could tell that Sam wasn’t too enthusiastic about the idea. After a while, the youngest finally nodded, albeit slowly. Things had to be taken care of and Sam was used to the whole Winchester way of sucking it up in order to get the job done.
His wound would heal anyway. Now that it was stitched, he only had to make sure it didn’t get infected.
He had no excuse, really.
Sam managed to finish half of his tray before an uneasy feeling crept up his stomach. He pushed the plate away, claiming that he wasn’t hungry anymore, which was true.
Dean wasn’t too happy, but he didn’t push it.
They had work to do.
Sam dressed up cautiously as to not pull at his throbbing side. The ache had gone down from the effect of the painkillers, but it was still sensitive. He thought about bringing the bottle of pills along with him.
When they walked outside, chills racked Sam’s body even though he had two shirts and a jacket on. As Dean opened the trunk, so that they could dump their duffles, Sam grabbed his old hoodie from the back, putting it under his jacket. Dean noticed, but didn’t argue.
Sam was such a girl after all, he was probably pulling the thing for comfort.
They both climbed in the front seat of the Impala and Dean shot one last sideways glance at his brother. Sam was already leaning his forehead against the window; eyes staring out without really focusing on anything.
"You sure you’re okay?" Dean was finally tempted to ask.
Sam turned his head sluggishly.
"Yeah I’m fine. I just didn’t sleep well last night" he replied.
Dean studied him for a moment longer.
"If anything was up, you’d tell me, right? I can’t deal with the hunt if I have to watch out for you at the same time" Dean started. There was something in his tone that sounded like trouble.
Sam closed his eyes. He knew that his brother would be mad at him if he trailed behind and it’s exactly why he wouldn’t tell him how he really felt, yet. Dean had more important things to think about and Sam was supposed to be old enough to look out for himself. He’d been nauseous before, he could deal.
"Don’t worry, Dean. I can take care of myself" he mumbled.
His big brother rolled his eyes and finally pulled the gear into drive.
They reached the mall that seemed to be as empty as the previous day. Sam could understand why people didn’t want to come after what he’d seen the previous day. On top of that, the whole place felt cold. Sam was even happier that he'd had the idea of bringing the extra hoodie. He held his arms close to his large frame in order to keep his warmth to himself, even through the shivers.
Dean was following next to him. They were heading right for the dining area now that they knew where to find the ghosts. The eldest felt the cold too. They were close.
When they reached the area they were heading for, they found it empty. Sam frowned and looked all around for clues.
"I thought they were supposed to be here" he said through gritted teeth.
"Maybe they knew we were coming" Dean tried.
Sam was still looking all around. Aside from the cold, there were no traces of ghost activity. Dean picked up his EMF meter and turned it on. The signal went crazy. They were right inside the energy but still, there were no ghosts in sight. Where were they, then?
"Dean" Sam started when he was interrupted by a sudden change in gravity. Before he could tell what was happening to him, he was flying across the air and fell to a heap on the floor. The wind was knocked out of him from the impact; his side bursting into surges of pain.
"Sam!" Dean yelled, turning to face the ghost that had flung Sam around. He shot a round of rock salt and the ghost disappeared. Dean started to run towards his brother when he too was projected into the air.
He fell back and hit his head on one of the tables.
Sam was still down, panting. Dean wasn’t completely knocked out but he saw stars for a few seconds.
A ghost materialized in front of him.
"You don’t get to live if we die" the dead girl said.
"Everybody dies someday" he tried, a slight cocky grin forming on his face.
She reached towards him, ready to throw him again.
"Why are you still here, it’s not fair!" she shrieked.
Dean shrugged. "Maybe God recognizes my purpose more than he did for you" he joked. "I’m prettier too" he added with a wink.
The ghost clenched its fists and reached for Dean’s throat. At that moment, it went up into a million pieces and vanished into thin air. Dean turned his head to see Sam, half-slumped against a chair, with his shotgun aimed towards him. He offered his brother a thankful nod.
More ghosts were starting to appear. They were all men and women from different ages. Their complaints melted into one bone-chilling cry.
"Why did we have to go so early?" they cried.
Dean shrugged and looked at Sam for support. Sam seemed to be out of it. He turned back to the ghosts.
"Doesn’t God have mercy?" they continued.
Dean shook his head sadly.
"I’m afraid he doesn’t care. How could such disasters happen if there were a God" Dean tried.
His own experience had led him to think that God was probably gone. Dead even. Maybe.
"It’s not fair" the ghosts cried again.
Dean nodded sadly.
"You’re right. But be at peace, there will be more deaths. You’re not the only ones. It’s not against you, personally" Dean assured. Some of the ghosts were already bursting into shards of white light.
"We will all die. At least you won’t get to see famine and death. You’ve got the chance to go before it gets ugly" Dean continued on a soft tone. More ghosts vanished, moving on to the next world.
"I had a wife and kids" a man ghost cried.
"They won’t move on if you don’t" Dean admitted. "Don’t you think they’d rather know you’re at peace instead of stuck here and in pain?" he added.
The man bowed his head. A lone tear rolled down his cheek and he slowly started to fade to white.
Seeing that no more ghosts would be attacking him anytime soon, Dean got to his feet and started limping slightly towards Sam. His brother had watched the whole scene through half closed lids. The kid was clutching his midsection and his face was contorted in pain.
"Sam?" Dean started, his eyes quickly triaging his brother’s condition.
Sam could only groan before fully opening his eyes in an ultimate effort.
"Dean" he breathed.
"You okay?" Dean asked, barely masking his concern.
"Think I hit the wrong side when I fell… hope I didn’t pop a stitch" Sam admitted.
Dean frowned.
"Mind if I check?"
Sam winced, but he turned his wounded side towards his brother. Dean cautiously lifted the layers of clothing. When he finally managed to find the wound, he saw that it was intact.
"The wound is clean, princess" Dean said.
Sam closed his eyes in relief. "Good" he breathed, not paying attention to the comment.
Dean helped him up to his feet and dragged his gigantic brother back to the car. Sam mostly leaned into his big brother, enjoying the proximity. Things had been so tensed between them lately. It felt good to have Dean back.
They settled into the Impala and Sam bit his lip to repress a cry of pain. Even though Dean had assured him that he hadn’t opened his side again, it certainly felt like it. Actually his whole side was aching. He figured that’s what happened when you were flown around like a rag doll.
"What happened with the ghosts" Sam asked.
Dean looked at him and frowned.
"You were there" he pointed out.
Sam closed his eyes.
"I was focusing on breathing" he murmured.
Dean caught that and he suddenly didn’t feel like teasing Sam anymore.
"They left on their own. It’s part of the book of Revelations too. I figured it out with Bobby yesterday when you were dozing off" Dean replied, his tone changing towards the end. There was something that sounded like resentment in his voice.
Or maybe really really deep down, there was a hint of concern…
Sam rolled his eyes and turned towards the window, again finding comfort in the cool glass. His head was pounding. The contact with the cold glass made him shiver. The change in temperature was too important. He brought a hand to his face only to find it soaked in sweat. He frowned. How could he be sweating when his whole body was racked with chills? Something felt wrong.
He hadn’t noticed that they were back at the motel until the car stopped. Sam sluggishly looked up at their motel room. He sighed and started pulling himself out of the car. The movement jagged at his side. Pain erupted in his whole abdomen. He closed his eyes for a brief second, trying to catch his breath.
Dean frowned when he saw the awkward movements Sam was trying to pull, in order to free himself from the passenger seat. But it’s the way his face cringed in pain and how he leaned on the car for support that led him to stand in front of Sam with a worried look.
"Seriously, man" he started. "Do you think I’m stupid? What’s up with you?" he asked, eyeing the tall kid up and down.
Sam was breathing quickly.
"It hurts, Dean" he admitted.
"What hurts? Your side?" he asked.
Sam nodded without specifying that the pain had gone from his side to his whole lower abdomen.
"I guess that means painkillers and rest for you. That ghost chick knocked you pretty hard" he said with a slight smirk.
Sam snorted. "Not funny" he mumbled.
Dean helped him inside and that’s when he noticed the heat coming from his brother. Sam managed to sit on his bed when it caused another stab of pain. He could hardly contain the grimace. Dean hadn’t seen it, though. He was fishing for the painkillers. As soon as he got them, Sam dry-swallowed two of them.
Dean pressed his palm against Sam’s forehead and felt the heat coming from it.
"Dude, I think you’ve got a fever" Dean announced.
Sam shrugged.
Dean went to check on Sam’s side again but Sam yelped in pain.
Dean opened wide eyes to him.
"I hardly touched you" he called in disbelief.
"Sorry" Sam apologized, rubbing the bridge of his nose at the headache that was beating against his skull.
"I just want to see if your wound is getting infected" Dean explained.
Sam nodded and bit his lip to prevent any further scream of pain. He held his breath while Dean pulled up his shirt. His big brother inspected the wound, but it showed no obvious signs of infection. He went to touch it, but Sam jerked away from his hand .
"Don’t touch it" he breathed.
Dean nodded.
"Okay. The wound doesn’t seem to be infected, but something is up" Dean stated.
Sam closed his eyes and shook his head.
"I just want to sleep" he said. "It’ll be better in the morning" he added.
Dean nodded and let Sam undress to the best of his capacity before his little brother snuggled under the blankets and fell asleep almost instantly.
The eldest was puzzled. He wasn’t sure if his current relationship with Sam allowed him to get closer to his brother. If Sam said he’d be better in the morning, Dean would let him sleep and hope that Sam would indeed be better in the morning. Either way, his brother wasn’t eight anymore and the time where he would’ve stayed up all night to check on the kid was long gone.
Dean shrugged and undressed himself before getting in his own bed.
SNSNSNSN
Sam jerked awake. He was drenched in sweat, but shaking like a leaf. He shook his head, trying to remember where he was and what happened when the pain came back to him, making it hard to breathe. An uneasy feeling was creeping inside of him and when he figured it out, it was a matter of time before it turned awfully bad.
He jumped out of his bed, immediately regretting it when everything started to spin. He had to hold himself onto the walls and then on the door frame of the bathroom. As soon as his fingers slid from the frame, he collapsed onto his knees. He dragged himself to the toilet just in time, when his stomach rebelled and decided to expel its meager contents.
Sam gripped the porcelain tightly making his knuckles turn white. The pain was unbearable at that point and if he weren’t throwing up, he’d probably pass out.
SNSNSNSN
Dean was having a wonderful dream. He was dealing with soft skin and red lips. But the warmth of her arms disappeared and he slowly felt the cold and emptiness of his bed. He didn’t want to wake up and held tightly onto his dream, but strange sounds were leading him to consciousness. He tried to focus and understand where he was and what was happening. His eyes opened sluggishly. He already missed his dream and cursed at whatever it was that had pulled him out of it.
That was until his brain registered where the noise came from. His eyes snapped open and he was fully aware within seconds. He turned to check on his brother only to find the other bed empty. His head shot in the direction of the bathroom from where he could hear his brother’s horrible heaving.
"Son of a bitch" he breathed.
He ran to the bathroom only to stare at the reality he feared he would find there. Sam was as pale as the ghosts they had been hunting. He was clutching at the toilet, his breathing ragged and too damn fast.
"Sam" he said, kneeling down next to his brother. The kid hardly acknowledged him, but he did lean into his brother when Dean offered physical support. The eldest rubbed his brother's back while whispering soothing words.
"It’s gonna be okay, Sammy"
Sam wanted to believe it, really. But his head wanted to split open and his body shook from the cold and exhaustion and his abdomen - oh shit! He was in so much pain! He could hardly breathe.
"D'n" he slurred, his voice rasped. "Don’t feel good" he continued.
When he was sure he wouldn’t throw up anymore, because there was nothing more inside of him to throw out, he slumped into his brother’s chest. Dean caught his brother’s limp weight.
"What’s going on, Sam?" he asked, his voice not even trying to mask his concern.
"Hurts" Sam cried.
Dean’s heart squeezed in his chest. Sam didn’t usually complain about the pain. His brother had the highest pain threshold he’d ever seen.
He had to control his rising panic. At least for his brother, he would.
"Where?"
"Side" Sam breathed out.
Dean frowned. He knew that his brother's side was hurting, but was it worse than Sam let on?
He pulled up at the shirt again, but this time his blood drained from his face. Sam’s skin was covered in dark patches like bruises. Dean shook his head in disbelief and gently placed his fingers on Sam’s skin. He flinched when he felt just how cool it was, even though his brother was still sweating.
Sam wanted to push his brother’s hand away, but he didn’t have the strength to move anymore. Dean took this as an opportunity to start feeling Sam’s side with his fingers.
"Shit, Sam!" he cursed when he felt how rigid his brother’s skin was.
Sam had closed his eyes, unable to keep them open anymore. He was excruciatingly tired. Dean tapped his cheek lightly.
"Open your eyes, Sammy! Please, stay with me" he begged.
Sam’s eyes opened to slits.
"’m sorry" he mumbled.
Dean shook his head frantically.
"It’s okay, I’ll take care of it! Do you think you can get to the Impala?" Dean asked, knowing that his brother needed a hospital and he needed it like yesterday!
Sam didn’t reply. His eyes were rolling back into his head.
"Hey, come on! Sam, wake up! Don’t you dare! SAM!" Dean yelled at his now unconscious brother.
"Damn it!" Dean shouted. Sam’s pulse was erratic too. This was so not good.
He lifted Sam as carefully as he could and ran back to the room to get his phone. He pulled it open, having no choice but to call for an ambulance. His brother’s life depended on it.
SNSNSNSN
Dean had been pacing the waiting room for hours. The doctors weren’t telling him anything and he was scared out of his mind. He’d tried to pull information out from the nurses with more aggressive methods, but they only threatened to throw him out so he calmed down. They kept saying the doctors were doing everything they could to save his brother.
His brother who was in surgery. When the doctors saw the bruises on his skin, they rushed him to the OR. Dean had then been informed about the hemorrhage, but it wasn’t something he didn’t know. He’d seen the bruises too. He’d seen his brother go into shock. The memories were too fresh in his mind and he shivered every time he closed his eyes and saw images of a pale and limp Sam.
He just needed his brother to be okay.
He needed Sam to come out of this.
Because he needed to patch things up with him. Tell him how sorry he was for the way he acted and for the way he blamed Sam.
He’d been the one to unlock the first seal, after all. Sam might have finished it, but he wasn't the one to start it.
He was to blame for the Apocalypse just as much as Sam was.
But then again, they hadn’t known. If only they had. Things would have been different.
Dean paced the waiting room again. He had stopped counting how many times he had gone back and forth around the small space that he was allowed. Security had threatened to throw him out if he bothered the others too much. Dean was only worried, couldn’t they understand that?
Finally, Sam’s attending physician came for him. Dean was up within seconds.
"How is he?"
"The surgery was a success. Sam is in recovery for now, but he should be moved to ICU soon. I’m sure he’ll recover quickly" the doctor assured.
"What exactly was wrong with him?" Dean asked, not understanding everything that had happened since that night at the bar.
"When your brother was stabbed, the blade perforated his colon. This caused intestinal bacteria to seep out of the wound and into Sam’s bloodstream, resulting in an infection that we call peritonitis. In medical jargon, Sam’s peritoneum - or his abdominal tissue, the one that is protecting his organs - inflamed, which caused your brother’s pain. The infection itself caused Sam’s state of shock, including the fever and the vomiting" the medical professional explained.
"But you say he’ll recover quickly?" Dean asked again, not convinced about the prognostic after hearing the diagnostic.
"Most likely, yes. We treated him immediately for shock when he came into the ER. Then we surgically resolved the perforation. The only thing left to worry about is the infection, but we’ve already started Sam on a penicillin treatment. Your brother is young and healthy. He should make a full recovery" the doctor announced in optimism.
Dean smiled weakly and bowed his head slightly.
"Thanks, doc" he said sincerely.
"I was just doing my job" the doctor said.
Dean smiled sadly. "You did more than that actually" he whispered.
The doctor frowned, but he didn’t push to find what Dean meant by that.
SNSNSNSN
Sam had finally been moved and Dean was allowed to visit. After waiting for so long, it was like a birthday party for him. He had wanted to see his brother so badly. Excitation built in his chest as he walked into the hospital room.
Sam’s eyes were closed. He wasn’t so pale anymore, but Dean could tell it had been a close call. The multiple IVs and the oxygen tubing were testimony to that. His brother could have died. He’d been close actually. It was a good thing he’d woken up when he did. What if he hadn’t? What if he’d stayed in bed? Would he have found Sam dead on the cold bathroom floor in the morning?
He shivered at the thought. He had woken up. It’s the only thing that mattered.
He reached to the side of the bed and pulled a chair closer.
Something made him want to grab Sam’s hand, but he didn’t. He didn’t know if he deserved such intimacy and comfort.
"Dean?" he heard a soft voice ask. He turned wide eyes to his brother’s face only to see glassy hazel eyes staring back at him.
"Sammy, you’re awake" he stated.
"No shit, Sherlock" his little brother replied with a cheeky grin. It had been so long since he’d seen that smile. He couldn’t help but smile too.
Too close, yeah. He’d been too close to lose the only thing that really mattered.
"Smartass" Dean teased. Sam smiled and let his eyes droop.
"How are you feeling?" Dean asked after a while, enjoying the simple comfort he found in his brother being okay.
"Honestly?"
"Yeah, man! I want nothing but the truth this time" Dean replied seriously.
Sam’s smile dropped down some. His eyes became serious.
"Like shit. Still hurts like hell…" he admitted, taking quick and shallow breaths.
"Well thank you for telling me. I can get the nurse to give you the good stuff!" Dean started almost enthusiastically, but then his tone darkened. "…see, I can help when you actually tell me what’s going on" Dean said seriously. Sam bowed his head to that.
"I know… I’m sorry" he apologized.
Dean looked at his brother intensely.
"Yeah, you should be… you could have died, Sam" Dean exclaimed. His tone could have been angry, but it wasn’t. Sam could only read how scared his brother had been.
"When I said that I couldn’t trust you" Dean started. "I was talking about this, too. I can’t always look out for you and try to guess how you're feeling when you won’t tell me" he continued.
Sam nodded. "I know" he finally said. "All this time I was working with Ruby, I finally took care of myself. I wasn’t your kid brother anymore. Maybe I need to grow up" he proposed softly.
It was Dean’s turn to nod. "That includes taking care of your injuries. I won’t always be there to watch out for you" he replied.
"Someday, I’ll make it up to you" Sam announced.
Dean frowned. "What for?" he asked.
Sam tugged at his gown. "For... letting you down" he confessed.
Dean was taken aback. He knew Sam was feeling guilty, but did Sam think he owed him or something? He didn’t know what to say. Instead of replying, he just nodded. He didn’t know if he forgave Sam for what he did. The pain was still too great. He couldn’t forget about Ruby, the demon blood and the lies either. Not yet, at least.
"Just so you know, it doesn’t change how I feel about us" Dean finally said.
Sam looked down in shame.
"For now" Dean added softly. His brother looked up hopefully.
"It’s going to take some time, Sam. I can’t pretend nothing happened" he explained. Sam nodded, his eyes misty and reflecting his pain.
"I can’t blame you" Sam admitted. Dean nodded and rubbed his face with his hand, resting his fingers on his chin. They spent some time in silence.
"Dean" Sam suddenly whispered.
His brother turned to face him, showing him he had his attention now.
Sam blinked sluggishly.
"Thank you" he finally said, his eyes filling with tears.
Dean frowned. "What did I do to deserve that?"
Sam smiled softly. "You didn't give up on me, despite the shit I put you through" he replied, tears spilling from his eyes. He was exhausted and in pain.
Dean smiled sadly. "That’s what family’s for, right?" he said softly.
Sam’s heart squeezed with joy. His eyes started drooping and he focused on trying to take deep breaths. His face suddenly turned into one of worry, when a thought occurred to him.
"Do you think we’ll be family again?" he whispered.
Dean sighed at how easily Sam would turn anything into a chick flick when he was hurt and drugged.
"Someday" he finally replied.
Sam somehow took comfort in that answer and his face softened. His eyes remained closed for longer than they had before. He was fighting a rough infection, after all. Dean was even surprised he had managed to stay awake for so long. Damn stubborn little brothers.
"You get some rest, Sammy. I’ll be here when you wake up" Dean said.
With that, Sam’s breaths deepened and evened out.
Someday, we’ll trust each other and be brothers again. One day at the time. We’ll get there, Sammy. I’m glad you’re okay. I don’t know what I would have done if anything bad had happened to you. I can’t stay mad at you, no matter how hard I try. You make that impossible.
Bitch.