So, I'm apparently regressing to the emotional maturity of a 12yo.

[lauand]

Which is unfortunate, but there's not much I can do about it. The thing is that, with the crumbling of all my social networks at the same time (aah, the joys of adult life!), I've been forced to make an effort to reach out to at least achieve a minimum of interaction with other human beings. Being the socially awkward and solitary person that I am

Comments

[caeseria]

I know what you mean and I sympathize wholeheartedly. I really miss the community of LJ, the way people used to speak to each, respond, come together. Now it seems as if everyone has tumblr-itis, ie it's the generation/decade of fast consumption. People no longer leave comments or respond to posts even. I quite often think why do I even bother to post anything, I never get a response anymore. Long gone are the days when people were not afraid to engage each other and talk. I always make sure to respond to comments, especially when someone was nice enough to leave something on A03 about my fics. It's nice to engage with people. although very rarely does a commenter take it a step further like in the past and respond your response and hold an actual conversation. (if that made sense

[viridian5]

I always make sure to respond to comments, especially when someone was nice enough to leave something on A03 about my fics. It's nice to engage with people. although very rarely does a commenter take it a step further like in the past and respond your response and hold an actual conversation. (if that made sense).

That makes total sense, and I deal with it as well. When I first entered fandom in the late '90s, I made so many friends and acquaintances through the e-mail lists and websites we shared fic and opinions on, and I miss that.

[lauand]

I only started to feel part of a community when I got into LJ, mailing lists where just too abstract for me back then. So it's the only "home" that I've known. And I can't understand why fandom has migrated to Tumblr, which is the most ill-prepared for communication platform ever.

[viridian5]

One of the good things about the mailing lists is that they were narrowly focused enough that you knew that everybody was there for liking and wanting to talk about and read about things you were interested in, and in their prime the big lists had one hundred to a few hundred people on them. One list in particular made my Inbox explode with mail daily. (One major con is that when a flame war broke out, it broke out like a storm inside your Inbox, sometimes for days.) Of course, people also e-mailed each other a lot back then, through the lists or privately. Some of us old-timers felt somewhat sad about the migration to LiveJournal, because you knew there were people on it who might be a great contact but you'd never find them unless you checked common interests a lot and the person filled their interests section out well. So I've seen fandom following new platforms before, but I still don't understand how people are supposed to talk to each other on Tumblr.

[indelicateink]

That means that I'm going to stop commenting on posts of people who haven't replied to my comments the last three times I tried to reach out to them.

I hope you won't be too hard on yourself--it sounds to me like this is just having good boundaries. (1) You want something, (2) it's not being provided at a certain place, (3) you don't look for it there anymore. Makes good sense to me.

I've found writers/creators/etc who don't engage with their commenters just... aren't in the market for making friends that way. Which is sad and frustrating when the person seems very interesting!! :( Such a bummer.

But it is SO THEIR LOSS--you are an awesome friend and thoughtful commenter, and I think they're really missing out if they're not engaging with you. ♥

Speaking of tumblr, this makes me think of a post I reblogged a few days back: I find the internet such a hard place to connect with people.

[lauand]

Thank you for showing me another POV of the situation. I was not particularly happy at my inability to deal with this in a totally mature, calm way.

Also, thank you for your kind words, I feel myself in need of a bit of ego stroking this days. I could glomp you, in fact. It doesn't sound so enthusiastic right now, but I'm being sincere (I would pour a lot of love in this glomping thing, I swear).

Ha, ha, yes, that. Exactly that.

[chaotic_binky]

So I've decided to stop trying to reach out to people who don't answer back.

Seems a valid response to me - I more or less do something similar as well.

[lauand]

Well, if you look at it like this, it sort of makes sense. I was just contemplating it from this other side of me not being mature enough to deal adequately with what I understand is some kind of rejection? (Ha, ha, can I be more indirect in my phrasing? I don't think so!) So yeah, thank you for letting me see that it's not such an irrational response on my part.

[abd_alscience]

If you were commenting on my page, then I'm sorry I didn't come back. I thought LJ was very good at informing me of comments on my pages or private messages. But then I only have 4 posts.

I also wanted to contact you and tell you how sorry I was in not being able to enter in the drawing contest in late 2015 (unless it hasn't happened yet). My dad ended up going to the hospital for 3 wks, and we were starting to fear the worst. After that, he had dozens of followup appts, so all their plans were messed up, and no one was doing much of anything normal during the whole Christmas season. I even stopped reading during the day. Only now is there anything coming close again to normalcy.

[lauand]

No, no, no, it wasn't you. LJ is usually pretty good at notifications, except for punctual hiccups they have where they don't let you know about comments, but those are exceptional occasions, I think.

Oh, please, don't be sorry! I didn't hold a contest in late 2015 and then I couldn't gather the energy to do it in early 2016. LJ is so dead lately that I'm scared to do it and get no response, so it's difficult for me to have the courage to organize everything for nothing. I'm not particularly good at dealing with disappointment and that would be a serious let down. Also, oh my God, I'm sorry to hear about your family's health problems. I feel bad whining about stuff like this when other people have real, serious problems to worry about. I'm really glad things are getting close to normal again, though. And also, thanks for letting me know and replying to this post, I do appreciate it.

[abd_alscience]

Thank you. I didn't realize the suffering that the family members go through when you have to visit daily and then come home after visiting hours. I would have supper cooking at home and ready for when she returned. I was in hospital for 4 days in 1993, so now I know what my mom went through, plus she lost her job at that time. So it was extra stressful for her

[lauand]

It's very, very draining when some family member is in hospital. It's also not particularly fun when it's you.

Oh, Sherlock is my new fandom obsession, if you post your story on your LJ, chances are that I'll read it.

"I think you have a solid fanbase of commenters yourself"

Ha, ha, yeah, the whole five of them!! I've never been particularly popular. I've got a handful of LJ friends whom I love dearly (because they are awesome), but I wouldn't say they constitute a solid fanbase of commenters...