Between the shadow and the soul
I don't believe in much of anything. I don't believe in God. I don't believe in Karma, or luck, or horoscopes. I choose to put my faith in two things:
The first is knowledge. I believe in intelligence, and science, and results.
The second one is love. I believe in kindness, in paying it back, in gentleness and trust and companionship. I believe in love. Not in the one-true-love kind of way. Not in the Romeo-and-Juliet kind of way. Not even in the soulmates kind of way. Love is messy, and it's hard. But I believe in fighting for what's right, what's smart, what's fair and what's kind.
I believe in love. True love, the kind that makes me open up my heart completely, trust one person implicitly, and that sometimes makes my logic muddled and my words disappear. I believe if you love someone, truly love someone, you don't have to question yourself. You don't have to "test" your love. You just trust and open yourself up, and believe in the other person.
And it's not fair, or kind, or smart, when that other person lets you down. But you open yourself again, after tenderly nursing wounds so deep you don't even understand where they begin or end, and yet you fix them and trust again. Because you, like me, believe in love. You, and I, believe that there will come a time when someone will stare into you, see all those wounds, and not be afraid. There will come a time when someone will repay your trust with theirs, and will stay and fight for what's right, and fair, and smart.
My exes don't know what they did. A, M, R. I have your names scarred onto my heart, and it's been made stronger for it. But right now one of those wounds is still bleeding.
There's a song that says, to get over you, I waited 19 days, and 500 nights. And there my love for you resides. Those 500 nights trickle by along with tears, along with shadow and silence, only to settle in my heart, nestled in my soul.
So yes. You may have my nights, but I believe in love. I believe in one person who will not live in shadows, but in sight. Who will fight for me, even against myself, even against the shapeless ghost of you three, who have, kindly put, fucked me over. You may have my nights, but you don't have my faith, you don't have my kindness, and you don't have my love.
The first is knowledge. I believe in intelligence, and science, and results.
The second one is love. I believe in kindness, in paying it back, in gentleness and trust and companionship. I believe in love. Not in the one-true-love kind of way. Not in the Romeo-and-Juliet kind of way. Not even in the soulmates kind of way. Love is messy, and it's hard. But I believe in fighting for what's right, what's smart, what's fair and what's kind.
I believe in love. True love, the kind that makes me open up my heart completely, trust one person implicitly, and that sometimes makes my logic muddled and my words disappear. I believe if you love someone, truly love someone, you don't have to question yourself. You don't have to "test" your love. You just trust and open yourself up, and believe in the other person.
And it's not fair, or kind, or smart, when that other person lets you down. But you open yourself again, after tenderly nursing wounds so deep you don't even understand where they begin or end, and yet you fix them and trust again. Because you, like me, believe in love. You, and I, believe that there will come a time when someone will stare into you, see all those wounds, and not be afraid. There will come a time when someone will repay your trust with theirs, and will stay and fight for what's right, and fair, and smart.
My exes don't know what they did. A, M, R. I have your names scarred onto my heart, and it's been made stronger for it. But right now one of those wounds is still bleeding.
There's a song that says, to get over you, I waited 19 days, and 500 nights. And there my love for you resides. Those 500 nights trickle by along with tears, along with shadow and silence, only to settle in my heart, nestled in my soul.
So yes. You may have my nights, but I believe in love. I believe in one person who will not live in shadows, but in sight. Who will fight for me, even against myself, even against the shapeless ghost of you three, who have, kindly put, fucked me over. You may have my nights, but you don't have my faith, you don't have my kindness, and you don't have my love.