OOM: After it all
It's morning and its cold outside, but that hasn't stopped Ramon from being out of bed for the last half hour, wearing only grey sweatpants and smoking at the window. Yes, it's freezing but he just doesn't care. He has to do something while the coffee's brewing, after all, and working out how to make a nice breakfast. It'll be cereal and toast in a few minutes, because all other attempts have failed.
A tone downstairs and he knows he should move to get the coffee while it's hot. But instead he turns and watches Random sleeping, blond hair on the pillow and a face that appears peaceful, even though it still seems, to him, to be tired.
I'm so sorry.
He can never say it enough. Can't stand that he's hurt this man and that he can't seem to get through to him that...well, anything. That its not his fault, that he's not to blame. What else can he say though? Nothing, which is why he's enjoying the silence of the morning and the peace of being able to watch him now, reach down and touch his head and smooth away hair from his forehead.
It's all he allows himself before heading downstairs. Cereal and toast it is but at least the coffee's good. A trip to Martin's room with breakfast as well, and a few words that hold a promise for later in the day if he'll just stay quiet and play on his own for now. The boy does what he's told when pai speaks and so, he's heading upstairs with a tray and a thousand words that all say 'sorry'.
The tray is put down on Random's side of the bed and he takes his clothes off, skin icy cold but he can't stop himself wriggling into the side of his lover, partly for warmth but mostly for proximity, so he can wrap his arms around him and lean his head against his shoulder and wish that things could be different.