(no subject)
I decided I'm going to have the surgery.
Might as well get it over with than think about and hope for the best later on...right? Yeah. I'm going to get it done in February. We'll see how that turns out. I heal rather well [or so the doctors say]. After having a tonsilectomy, my four wisdom teeth removed, reconstructive surgery on my right elbow and a similar surgery several years ago it's a pretty difficult task to get me to be nervous. But, I must admit this one's got me a little jittery.
On a lighter note I have come to the realization that one cannot deprive themselves of lifes little luxuries for too long before we begin to retreat into an unhealthy state of mind. For instance: chocolate, soda, red meat, CARBOHYDRATES, liquor, etc etc. After a long lecture in my Nutrition class about how harmful cheeseburgers can be when broken down into deveral categories I had a sudden urge to...uhm..EAT ONE. So...without thinking about it twice I hit up Wendys. You only live once man. FUCK THAT.
J told me he missed me. I haven't heard a sincere "i miss you" like that in years. It's nice to know that someone appreciates me for *me* without the requirement to change or adapt to them. The fact that I have slowed the pace myself allows me the time I need to get to know him. People do not understand how vital the beginning is. It is the MAKE or BREAK of the relationships. It sets the tone for the rest or the end. I refuse to let myself fall into the same old routine. It's a refreshing new experience that I am going to soak up in all its entirety. I like fat boys too Erika...I'm just lucky enough to have them like me back! [WOO HOO!] There is a definite sense of comfort and safety in a chunky guys hug. I LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE FAT BOYS! Blow me if you beg to differ.
I read rikytikyrika 's journal today. It really broke my heart to see her have to go through that because not too long ago I was on the same boat. All I can say is that as much as that cliche may suck some major ass it "does get easier" not "better" just "easier." There is a definite difference. Eventhough I still talk to mine every now and then that subtle change in attitude, tone, appearance still frightens me. In some ways I wish reality was stand still. The thought of people being ever changing is LIFE itself but it doesn't necessarily mean it's fair. You want that person to be the one you so long ago fell in love with and the thought of them changing [without you..] is the hardest thing I have ever been through. The only thing you have to look foward to is the thought that maybe one day the friendship will rekindle and maybe [or maybe not] 15 years down the line you will laugh at times like these but for now - stay strong. I love you.