As of late...
I've felt a freat need to let my mom know about what my cousins did to me, my cousin and my sister years ago. I almost told them everything yesterday...I covered by admitting that it had happened to my cousin. I just don't think my mom would have been able to handle it if I had told her that I have been fighting these feelings because of what they did...
I had the misfortunate of saving my parents from further debt, I am paying the new credit card as well as covering for the energy bill. It depresses me because moving was suppossed to alleviate those kind of situations and all I'm seeing is my parents becoming greedy and ready to exploit my age. My mom is pushing me to get my driver's license so that I can take over the driving and it makes me mad when she also pushes it because she wants me to be able to drive my 'brother' and sisters whereever they want..."What about me mom!? Where's my damn childhood disappearing to?"
I saved my sister from having to go to a new high school because I wrote in for an appeal. Funny since I got an F on how to write a buisness letter in English last year:P My other sister was not so fortunate. She has to attend a new school, but I finally calmed my mom and her down and they have finally accepted it. My sister is going to apply herself and hopefully, she will not have any problem with getting into the high school she wants since she just needs to finish eighth grade.
I have to work tomorrow and my mom has a 'son' who is now going to be monitoring me...it bothers me that she is so overprotective of me and not my sister (the one who went and had sex with her boyfriend and who is three years younger than me for Gods sakes...)
On a side note: not going to happen with Abel since I'm sure he's fed up with me so oh well. There is a new guy at work but I really should not flirt with him since he is quiet thus I know nothing about him...I'm going to wait till either high school or college.
I'm scared of college. I don't know if I am ready to move away and be on my own...either way, I shall be strong, get my degree and finally contribute to my sisters' life so that they move out too and my parents can finally enjoy their life without kids. I'm sure I'll never want to sit anywhere but its ok, they deserve their time:P
My friend Super...he revealed his name and his location to me and I was so shocked that I wanted to cry. I have known him 1.5 years and I'd only talked to him with limited knowledge of just what kind of person he is. I was happy to be told that he trusted me.I've been working on that for the length of time that I have known him. I love him dearly, and for that reason, will never consider dating him. I learned with my last two boyfriends that I never want to ruin a great friendship trying to date them...its just awful.
My cousin said she was going to hook me up with someone, but I told her no way though I secretly hoped she would..guess Stephanie was right. People aren't going to always assume. They need to be told straightout for them to notice...
I made a new video, its on youtube of course for this song that I have totally fallen in love with "The way I feel" by 12 stones. Its amazing!
My dad says that my 'brother' is probably a victim of his own psychological problem. I asked him what his problem was and he said it was neurosis.
neu·ro·sis (nʊ-rō'sĭs, nyʊ-)
n., pl. -ses (-sēz).
Any of various mental or emotional disorders, such as hypochondria or neurasthenia, arising from no apparent organic lesion or change and involving symptoms such as insecurity, anxiety, depression, and irrational fears, but without psychotic symptoms such as delusions or hallucinations. No longer in scientific use
That is the definition I found for it. I kind of have to agree...
Lately, he will text me and then stop because he has found someone else who he prefers to text. I'm his backup for when he is bored or has no one who wants to hang out with him. I think he was right the night he was rambling on my bed. People don't really want him around but they tolerate him. He's so fake. He knows this but convinces himself that its ok because he does the same thing...he needs to see into that problem of his.
Gods...please send me someone who'll relate to me and who can be as close to me as Super but without the distance. Super coming to my hometown by far, would be the best way to celebrate my entrance into adulthood. I'll probably just end up going out with random friends to a nightclub like I have never done and stay out till five in the morning, just doing everything we can to make the day last. That's what I want to do fo my 18th bday this year, go to a club. A great danceclub where I can dance as a please and then go out to the beach in the dark and celebrate with the best friends:P
Course...I won't tell my parents that. They'll say I'm being wild and unreasonable. Well...I'll find a way^^
I had the misfortunate of saving my parents from further debt, I am paying the new credit card as well as covering for the energy bill. It depresses me because moving was suppossed to alleviate those kind of situations and all I'm seeing is my parents becoming greedy and ready to exploit my age. My mom is pushing me to get my driver's license so that I can take over the driving and it makes me mad when she also pushes it because she wants me to be able to drive my 'brother' and sisters whereever they want..."What about me mom!? Where's my damn childhood disappearing to?"
I saved my sister from having to go to a new high school because I wrote in for an appeal. Funny since I got an F on how to write a buisness letter in English last year:P My other sister was not so fortunate. She has to attend a new school, but I finally calmed my mom and her down and they have finally accepted it. My sister is going to apply herself and hopefully, she will not have any problem with getting into the high school she wants since she just needs to finish eighth grade.
I have to work tomorrow and my mom has a 'son' who is now going to be monitoring me...it bothers me that she is so overprotective of me and not my sister (the one who went and had sex with her boyfriend and who is three years younger than me for Gods sakes...)
On a side note: not going to happen with Abel since I'm sure he's fed up with me so oh well. There is a new guy at work but I really should not flirt with him since he is quiet thus I know nothing about him...I'm going to wait till either high school or college.
I'm scared of college. I don't know if I am ready to move away and be on my own...either way, I shall be strong, get my degree and finally contribute to my sisters' life so that they move out too and my parents can finally enjoy their life without kids. I'm sure I'll never want to sit anywhere but its ok, they deserve their time:P
My friend Super...he revealed his name and his location to me and I was so shocked that I wanted to cry. I have known him 1.5 years and I'd only talked to him with limited knowledge of just what kind of person he is. I was happy to be told that he trusted me.I've been working on that for the length of time that I have known him. I love him dearly, and for that reason, will never consider dating him. I learned with my last two boyfriends that I never want to ruin a great friendship trying to date them...its just awful.
My cousin said she was going to hook me up with someone, but I told her no way though I secretly hoped she would..guess Stephanie was right. People aren't going to always assume. They need to be told straightout for them to notice...
I made a new video, its on youtube of course for this song that I have totally fallen in love with "The way I feel" by 12 stones. Its amazing!
My dad says that my 'brother' is probably a victim of his own psychological problem. I asked him what his problem was and he said it was neurosis.
neu·ro·sis (nʊ-rō'sĭs, nyʊ-)
n., pl. -ses (-sēz).
Any of various mental or emotional disorders, such as hypochondria or neurasthenia, arising from no apparent organic lesion or change and involving symptoms such as insecurity, anxiety, depression, and irrational fears, but without psychotic symptoms such as delusions or hallucinations. No longer in scientific use
That is the definition I found for it. I kind of have to agree...
Lately, he will text me and then stop because he has found someone else who he prefers to text. I'm his backup for when he is bored or has no one who wants to hang out with him. I think he was right the night he was rambling on my bed. People don't really want him around but they tolerate him. He's so fake. He knows this but convinces himself that its ok because he does the same thing...he needs to see into that problem of his.
Gods...please send me someone who'll relate to me and who can be as close to me as Super but without the distance. Super coming to my hometown by far, would be the best way to celebrate my entrance into adulthood. I'll probably just end up going out with random friends to a nightclub like I have never done and stay out till five in the morning, just doing everything we can to make the day last. That's what I want to do fo my 18th bday this year, go to a club. A great danceclub where I can dance as a please and then go out to the beach in the dark and celebrate with the best friends:P
Course...I won't tell my parents that. They'll say I'm being wild and unreasonable. Well...I'll find a way^^