(no subject)
There's a HUGE GREEN AND BLACK CLICKING THING in my LIVING ROOM, which is also my BEDROOM AAAAAGH. Even if I didn't go to vegetarian hell if I killed it, I'm afraid of it and also it will make a mess.
INSECTS SHOULDN'T MAKE A SOUND WHEN THEY HIT THE FLOOR GODDAMN.
GET YOUR WILDLIFE OFF OF ME, WTF @ NATURE.
...
Update: ACKACKACK it's on my DESK!
Update²: it's gone while I took out my contacts. I'd be more appreciative of the fact if I knew WHERE. *will spend rest of night listening for clicks*
Update3: I found it. Joy :( (It's not in my bed, but it's halfway there, and has almost passed the wide open window on its way. Stupid clicking thing. Also, it's stopped clicking.)
Update4: It is moving towards the window. That must have been at least two centimetres. YOU CAN DO IT.
Update5: NO NO NO YOU'RE GOING PAST THE WINDOW
Update6: This is so not the time to go look up the difference between grasshoppers and roaches *not a zoologist*
Update7: It doesn't look like a grasshopper. It has a lot of legs and really long antennae and I think it has wings *not looking up roaches*
Update8: I'm going to bed. If that thing isn't gone when I'm done brushing my teeth, there is no hope. It is HUGE and CRAWLY and also capable of FLYING and probably JUMPING (if it is a grasshopper after all, but it crawls around suspiciously) and I'm almost positive it at least isn't a spider, but sweet dreams anyway.
Update9: since this thing continues to not find the window which is RIGHT THERE and since I live alone I figured it'll be me who will have to do something about it or else it'll stay here until one of us kicks the bucket eventually. All right, where's my broom? (I'm planning to hold on to it for a few minutes and flail some more, actually.)
Update10: *has located broom*
But what if it JUMPS on me?
What if it is a runaway baby scorpion?
Update11: What if it brought a FRIEND?
Update12: What if it's pregnant and sprays eggs upon broom contact?
Update13: It is a mutant. I DON'T GET IT OFF THE CEILING EVEN WITH MY STRAW BROOM. It isn't jumpy either. It just WON'T BUDGE.
Update14: I ATTACKED it and it FELL and I think it fell on the broom so I threw the broom onto the balcony. I hope it didn't fall behind the radiator :(
Update15: It doesn't appear to be on or behind the radiator. Maybe it's hid in the curtain. I don't want to look.
Or else it's on ME *flails*
Update16: So it's not on any of the curtains and not behind or under the radiator and not, as far as I can tell, inside the radiator. This may just have gone successfully.
It is also 1:30 am, so "successfully" is maybe a little strong.
I will now shake out my blankets very thoroughly. Good night. (It was HUGE and had the LONGEST FUCKING ANTENNAE I've ever seen outside of a zoo.)