The car ride home
I drove to Miami from Orlando today.
Along the way, my radio stopped working, and my a/c had some sort of fit. Since I haven't had a working cell phone in weeks, I was left alone with my thoughts. Which prove to be more interesting than I had ever imagined.
Apparently I've been pushing them away for weeks now, my thoughts that is, and haven't given them the opportunity to fester. Sometimes festering isn't so bad, if it's something you've got to deal with anyway... it's better than pushing it away and pretending like it's not there.
So I sat in silence for over two hours.
I made a list of people I need to contact, and a deadline for myself as to when I need to reach them, so I stop making excuses about calling them "later".
I also decided I was going to get my hair cut again, kind of like a fresh start, a new beginning kind of thing... it's a mental thing for me, so the minute I got here, I called Amanda Sewell, and she brought her scissors with her, and we took care of that quickly... warning Shawny, it's short.
I think I'm moving home. This is something I've been pondering for weeks, and although it's not set in stone, I've given myself until the end of September to find a job that I can live off of, instead of living at my friend's houses FOREVER! I need my own space. I need a place. I need a job. I need a purpose. I feel stuck. I feel lost. I feel alone. Not that I expect a job to resolve these issues, but I know once I'm in some sort of schedule with some sort of income, I'll feel more at ease.
I've been really sad lately. I thought I didn't have a particular reason, and I'm still not sure I do, but in the car today I came to several ideas, all that perhaps encompass the reasons as to why.
My mother was horrified that I drove all the way to Miami without a cell phone... which is why I didn't tell her I was coming, so her bitching stopped the moment I put my arms around her and said, "but aren't you happy to see me??" Worked like a charm! =) So in light of that, I think the cell phone issue will be resolved before I head back to the city beautiful, because I know for sure, she will not let me drive back there without one.
I feel like my defualt picture, on myspace, is exactly how I'm feeling... kinda glancing at things... and observing... and hiding... and wondering... all at once. You can't tell whether I'm happy or sad... or just pensive... you only know that I'm not sure I want you to know how I feel.
Along the way, my radio stopped working, and my a/c had some sort of fit. Since I haven't had a working cell phone in weeks, I was left alone with my thoughts. Which prove to be more interesting than I had ever imagined.
Apparently I've been pushing them away for weeks now, my thoughts that is, and haven't given them the opportunity to fester. Sometimes festering isn't so bad, if it's something you've got to deal with anyway... it's better than pushing it away and pretending like it's not there.
So I sat in silence for over two hours.
I made a list of people I need to contact, and a deadline for myself as to when I need to reach them, so I stop making excuses about calling them "later".
I also decided I was going to get my hair cut again, kind of like a fresh start, a new beginning kind of thing... it's a mental thing for me, so the minute I got here, I called Amanda Sewell, and she brought her scissors with her, and we took care of that quickly... warning Shawny, it's short.
I think I'm moving home. This is something I've been pondering for weeks, and although it's not set in stone, I've given myself until the end of September to find a job that I can live off of, instead of living at my friend's houses FOREVER! I need my own space. I need a place. I need a job. I need a purpose. I feel stuck. I feel lost. I feel alone. Not that I expect a job to resolve these issues, but I know once I'm in some sort of schedule with some sort of income, I'll feel more at ease.
I've been really sad lately. I thought I didn't have a particular reason, and I'm still not sure I do, but in the car today I came to several ideas, all that perhaps encompass the reasons as to why.
My mother was horrified that I drove all the way to Miami without a cell phone... which is why I didn't tell her I was coming, so her bitching stopped the moment I put my arms around her and said, "but aren't you happy to see me??" Worked like a charm! =) So in light of that, I think the cell phone issue will be resolved before I head back to the city beautiful, because I know for sure, she will not let me drive back there without one.
I feel like my defualt picture, on myspace, is exactly how I'm feeling... kinda glancing at things... and observing... and hiding... and wondering... all at once. You can't tell whether I'm happy or sad... or just pensive... you only know that I'm not sure I want you to know how I feel.