Danny and I
I just ended an hour long conversation with Danny, my Danny, and it has made me smile. Initially, I started the conversation because it's his 31st birthday today, and the last time we had any contact was on my birthday, over three weeks ago,and that, only via text. It has taken him a year and a half, well, almost two years actually to tell me some of the things he has said in todays conversation. It was right when I had given up ever hearing any validation, that it came.
"I was a lost person when you knew me best.I was truly lost...and part of my shitty behavior was do to that, the fact that you've remaind my friend amazes me and I think we have an understanding of each other at a level that is not even visible at first glance... I get you...and I don't know how to explain that in words."
And then it came... the words that for a year, he only ever hinted at, but never said.
"Listen, I love you, I love you for your soul and how absolutly beautiful it is.
All the pain and misery and worry that is part of your life now will pass and that beautiful soul...that inner part of you that exists...that part will overcome everything and shine. And I can't wait to see that time in your life."
When I dated Danny, I thought I could save him. I thought that he was my gift from God... to help save him, since I didn't have the chance with my dad, who had a lot in common with the man I had begun to date. I felt like I could be his savior, his lover, and his friend... and when I realized I could do nothing to help him, if he didn't want to help himself, I promised myself and him, that he'd never ever doubt that at least one person on the planet adored him, and that he'd always have at least one friend.
MoNiCaD21: but it's reassuring to know... that we're still friends
MoNiCaD21: I knew we'd be
Dannyboy: we always will be
So... I'm smiling, I'm happy with that. It's what I needed to hear after the past week I've had. I love Danny, and part of me always will, and he loves me too, and although our love has changed, and we're both very different than we were back when we were together, I'm glad we've remained friends and that we're still able to see the best in one another, and more so, able to share our feelings with one another in such an honest way.
"I was a lost person when you knew me best.I was truly lost...and part of my shitty behavior was do to that, the fact that you've remaind my friend amazes me and I think we have an understanding of each other at a level that is not even visible at first glance... I get you...and I don't know how to explain that in words."
And then it came... the words that for a year, he only ever hinted at, but never said.
"Listen, I love you, I love you for your soul and how absolutly beautiful it is.
All the pain and misery and worry that is part of your life now will pass and that beautiful soul...that inner part of you that exists...that part will overcome everything and shine. And I can't wait to see that time in your life."
When I dated Danny, I thought I could save him. I thought that he was my gift from God... to help save him, since I didn't have the chance with my dad, who had a lot in common with the man I had begun to date. I felt like I could be his savior, his lover, and his friend... and when I realized I could do nothing to help him, if he didn't want to help himself, I promised myself and him, that he'd never ever doubt that at least one person on the planet adored him, and that he'd always have at least one friend.
MoNiCaD21: but it's reassuring to know... that we're still friends
MoNiCaD21: I knew we'd be
Dannyboy: we always will be
So... I'm smiling, I'm happy with that. It's what I needed to hear after the past week I've had. I love Danny, and part of me always will, and he loves me too, and although our love has changed, and we're both very different than we were back when we were together, I'm glad we've remained friends and that we're still able to see the best in one another, and more so, able to share our feelings with one another in such an honest way.