that was weird...should I take a pill??
ok...so my bf send me this song which fits me very perfectly, or rather, parts of me I'm not all to proud of...if you wanna here it its right here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbHn1Pgj6Zk
but anyway, this song put me in quite the interesting mood, because it reminds me of things in my past that I'm horribly not proud of, but I also made a connection with the song, a very deep one, so deep in fact that certain parts of my mind were stirred by it, and they were happy, this "part" of my mind was in a strange mood, it was sorta content. And so, this song made me sad, kinda, but it also made me happy, but it was a dark happiness, like the happiness I would imagine a villain would feel, and so right now, I'm kinda melded slightly with this other part of me at the moment...its not in control, but I'm also not preventing it from taking over, I've actually let down my guard, as if I trust it, and its not even making a move to take over, its just being. Its there, with me, but its not also. Its like this part of my mind and me are, well, hanging out, like friends, remembering the past, talking about it, like old friends, remembering the good times...its a very strange feeling. I do have pills, in fact they are right next to me in a little white box, that make this part of my mind "go away" but I dont want to take one...even though this part is very active at the moment...but its not doing the usual things that it does, which is take over my body...its like its rather "sharing" it with me...in fact even as I type I notice that my shoes are being taken off, but I'm not consciously doing it, in fact, I cant even feel it...the only reason I know is because I looked down...oh wow...this is fun...I just lost control of my right arm...its actually drawing something in one of my notebooks...interesting...anyway, since I dont need to pay attention for that to happen, I'll continue to focus on this post...I continue to listen to this song, and the more I listen to it, the more intense the feelings get...usually, I'm only "half happy" whenever I'm outwardly happy, because this other part of me is never happy, it hates the world and the people in it, but as I listen to this song, and parts of my past are remembered, this other part of me gets happier, and so, I get happy, and now both parts of my mind are happy, and so I'm super happy, almost in a euphoria...oh great...I should really take a pill right now, because I'm loosing control of my body for random, few second intervals, which is interesting, because control is returned voluntarily, usually I have to fight to regain control...but I'm getting it back at the will of this other part of my mind...apparently its just so happy, that it only wants control enough to feel...this is really weird...its just wants to feel breath, it wants to taste my sunflower seeds, it wants to feel my keyboard, if only for a second or two, it wants to be in reality, instead of my mind...well its in such a good mood, why should I deny it? I gotta be careful tho...this part of my mind is tricky...this may just be a trap for it to gain control...should I take a pill? I really dont want to, because it will basically shut me down in 15 minutes or so...I think I'll just be cautious and keep my guard up, and be ready for a sudden surge of mental force...oh, the picture is done...interesting, maybe I'll post that somewhere sometime...weird...alright, this has gone on long enough, I'm putting this part of my mind back where it belongs, I'd better turn off this music, even though I really like the emotions its giving me right now...sigh, alright, I'm all better now. That sure was weird...so much emotion from so little...I like that song, but I think I'll have to be weary of it...I still thank my bf for giving it to me ^_^ I really like it, its powerful, and I like powerful stuff...and NO! I technically did not do what he told me not to do when he gave me the song...he knows what I'm talking about ;) I'm perfectly fine and dandy, in fact, I'm in a very very good mood, and I'm kinda high on life right now...I think I'm gonna go dance around for no reason and enjoy this very interesting feeling...
ta ta for now ^_^ *runs off to play*
but anyway, this song put me in quite the interesting mood, because it reminds me of things in my past that I'm horribly not proud of, but I also made a connection with the song, a very deep one, so deep in fact that certain parts of my mind were stirred by it, and they were happy, this "part" of my mind was in a strange mood, it was sorta content. And so, this song made me sad, kinda, but it also made me happy, but it was a dark happiness, like the happiness I would imagine a villain would feel, and so right now, I'm kinda melded slightly with this other part of me at the moment...its not in control, but I'm also not preventing it from taking over, I've actually let down my guard, as if I trust it, and its not even making a move to take over, its just being. Its there, with me, but its not also. Its like this part of my mind and me are, well, hanging out, like friends, remembering the past, talking about it, like old friends, remembering the good times...its a very strange feeling. I do have pills, in fact they are right next to me in a little white box, that make this part of my mind "go away" but I dont want to take one...even though this part is very active at the moment...but its not doing the usual things that it does, which is take over my body...its like its rather "sharing" it with me...in fact even as I type I notice that my shoes are being taken off, but I'm not consciously doing it, in fact, I cant even feel it...the only reason I know is because I looked down...oh wow...this is fun...I just lost control of my right arm...its actually drawing something in one of my notebooks...interesting...anyway, since I dont need to pay attention for that to happen, I'll continue to focus on this post...I continue to listen to this song, and the more I listen to it, the more intense the feelings get...usually, I'm only "half happy" whenever I'm outwardly happy, because this other part of me is never happy, it hates the world and the people in it, but as I listen to this song, and parts of my past are remembered, this other part of me gets happier, and so, I get happy, and now both parts of my mind are happy, and so I'm super happy, almost in a euphoria...oh great...I should really take a pill right now, because I'm loosing control of my body for random, few second intervals, which is interesting, because control is returned voluntarily, usually I have to fight to regain control...but I'm getting it back at the will of this other part of my mind...apparently its just so happy, that it only wants control enough to feel...this is really weird...its just wants to feel breath, it wants to taste my sunflower seeds, it wants to feel my keyboard, if only for a second or two, it wants to be in reality, instead of my mind...well its in such a good mood, why should I deny it? I gotta be careful tho...this part of my mind is tricky...this may just be a trap for it to gain control...should I take a pill? I really dont want to, because it will basically shut me down in 15 minutes or so...I think I'll just be cautious and keep my guard up, and be ready for a sudden surge of mental force...oh, the picture is done...interesting, maybe I'll post that somewhere sometime...weird...alright, this has gone on long enough, I'm putting this part of my mind back where it belongs, I'd better turn off this music, even though I really like the emotions its giving me right now...sigh, alright, I'm all better now. That sure was weird...so much emotion from so little...I like that song, but I think I'll have to be weary of it...I still thank my bf for giving it to me ^_^ I really like it, its powerful, and I like powerful stuff...and NO! I technically did not do what he told me not to do when he gave me the song...he knows what I'm talking about ;) I'm perfectly fine and dandy, in fact, I'm in a very very good mood, and I'm kinda high on life right now...I think I'm gonna go dance around for no reason and enjoy this very interesting feeling...
ta ta for now ^_^ *runs off to play*