Give generously - Charley Boorman is a cock and should be left to die in the desert...
I've been watching "the long way round" or whatever it's called...
1. Anyone who says "a motorcycle gives you freedom" and "a motorcycle can get you to places no car can navigate" whilst still being followed at all times by TWO Toyota HiLux trucks containing:
- a 3 man film crew
- private doctor
- 2 armed security guards
- private assistant
- spare helmets
- spare parts
- spare clothes
- spare motorcycle
- spare fucking EVERYTHING
2. Anyone who doesn't secretly UNLOAD all the really heavy stuff from the motorcycle panniers into the bottom of the HiLux before departure, lacks any ability to plan ahead and is an idiot, and also possibly a cock.
3. Anyone who didn't unload the heavy stuff before departure, and therefore drops his motorcycle on its side TWICE, in front of his own film crew, BEFORE HE HAS EVEN LEFT LONDON is a twat; AND he'll have to wait there until his armed security guards turn up to help him pick it up again, because IT'S TOO FUCKING HEAVY for him to do himself. Cock.
4. Anyone who STILL doesn't unload his motorcycle (because if it's too heavy for the M25, it's going to get stuck in the Sahara A LOT) is a complete moron and deserves to be left to die in the desert. Like the cock he is.
Sadly, his security guards probably have a bonus dependent upon NOT leaving him behind, thus clouding their rational decision making.
So, this year, think of the children. Don't give to charity - give to Blackwater Security Consultants. Give them a bigger bonus if Charlie Boorman doesn't make it back.
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