just some thoughts...
so, it's only been like a week since he broke up with me, but things have gotten a little better. i mean, i actually do get really sad about it (literally, once a day i will find myself getting all depressed about it). then, i realize that i don't wanna go back to the depressed person i use to be, so i just suck it up and say "fuck it".
i hung out with him on Saturday night (at a party at the theater) and it was kind of awkward, b/c last i had spoken to him was Wednesday night (basically crying and yelling and making him feel like shit). but i told myself the next day to just pretend like i didn't say anything horrible and just start a conversation as though i'm not hurting anymore. it's the only way i will get over him. if i chose the other route of not speaking to him ever again, it would have been much more difficult b/c then i probably would have gotten all crazy everytime i saw him at the theater or the bar NOT trying to talk to me. does this make any sense?
i think the hardest part of dealing with all of this, is that i don't know who to believe. i have gotten so many different opinions about him from so many different sources that have known him longer than me, and i can't tell what's real anymore. the logical thing would be to trust what i believe, but i honestly can't tell if he TRUELY liked me, if he was just using me, if i was just something to "conquer", if he at some point got incredibly bored with me or decided i was ugly or something, or if anything we experienced was real at all. and if the latter weren't true, and everything was REAL, then why just end something so great?
and this is exactly why i never trust people, men or otherwise, b/c i hate being in this stagnant place of confusion.
oh well, back to the single board.
i hung out with him on Saturday night (at a party at the theater) and it was kind of awkward, b/c last i had spoken to him was Wednesday night (basically crying and yelling and making him feel like shit). but i told myself the next day to just pretend like i didn't say anything horrible and just start a conversation as though i'm not hurting anymore. it's the only way i will get over him. if i chose the other route of not speaking to him ever again, it would have been much more difficult b/c then i probably would have gotten all crazy everytime i saw him at the theater or the bar NOT trying to talk to me. does this make any sense?
i think the hardest part of dealing with all of this, is that i don't know who to believe. i have gotten so many different opinions about him from so many different sources that have known him longer than me, and i can't tell what's real anymore. the logical thing would be to trust what i believe, but i honestly can't tell if he TRUELY liked me, if he was just using me, if i was just something to "conquer", if he at some point got incredibly bored with me or decided i was ugly or something, or if anything we experienced was real at all. and if the latter weren't true, and everything was REAL, then why just end something so great?
and this is exactly why i never trust people, men or otherwise, b/c i hate being in this stagnant place of confusion.
oh well, back to the single board.